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Jewish World Review August 16, 2010 / 6 Elul, 5770 Jumped or Pushed? By Alan Douglas
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
One of my favorite words is "defenestration" and one of my heroes is Thomas Masaryk. There is a statue of Thomas Masaryk, a romantic, super hero in Washington, D.C. and a town in Florida is named in his honor. Not many men risk their career and life debunking a false national treasure, defending Jews against charges of ritual murder, almost single handedly founding a country, and forming an army from captured soldiers, before serving as president of their country. Masaryk announced the birth of the new democratic nation, Czechoslovakia, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, during a trip to the United States, where he convinced his American sweetheart to marry him. Today it is the Czech Republic and Slovakia, but Masaryk's nation had endured the Nazis invasion and Communist oppression. Thomas died before the Nazi invasion, but following World War II his son, Jan Masaryk, became a leader of Czechoslovakia.
Jan followed in his father's footsteps, opposing the communist tyrants. Jan died of defenestration in 1948. Fenestration is a synonym for "window" and adding "de" means, "going out a window." Jan definitely went out the window, whether he jumped as the Communists claim, or he was he pushed, is in dispute. In 1419, the citizens of Prague threw their judge, city council members, and the mayor out the windows of the city hall, starting a tradition of defenestration. Subsequent executions via windows occur in the city over the centuries including the religious clash in 1618. Two Catholic governors (and their secretary) were thrown out windows of a castle after a trial. Landing in a moat filled with manure the three survived and the Catholic officials recognized it as a divine miracle. Today's disgraced politicians and religious leaders should be thankful they aren't living in Prague.
As you go through life, you will find there is often confusion between jumped and pushed. Did you quit the job or did they force you out? Did you flunk out or was it really the result of you not caring if you got the boot? Who ended the relationship? How you exited is not always the way it appears. When it comes to others, there are ample opportunities for you to do the "pushing" and claim the other person "jumped."
Three lessons.
The first lesson is that you must admit the truth. There's a special place in hell for those who continue to use others with the rationalization that, "I told him we could never be more than friends." They are selfish, not honest. The other special section in hell is reserved for men and women who cheat, lie, or make someone else's life miserable in hopes that the other person will jump out the window. Manipulating someone else is pushing, be it a shove or a nudged, you are the cause. You pushed them out the window. They didn't jump.
The second lesson to learn is this: there are times when quitting, bailing out, or leaving are the right thing to do. When things don't work, won't ever work, are destructive and really awful, let your feet do the talking. Or, as James Thurber once stated so eloquently, "It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy." Weigh the bad against your values, loyalty, duties, or whatever else, but if the conclusion is that "it's kind of lousy," then walk you must. This is especially true when it comes to matters of the heart. Never accommodate someone else because you fear being alone. Feel lonely, be hurt, suffer, but do the right thing and move on. As for feeling guilty about quitting or ending it, learn to deal with it.
If staying with them (or your job) will result in you resenting the rest of your life, then the price is too high. Decades of enduring suffering or causing suffering, sabotage your soul. Break up with them, stop seeing them, and end the relationship. Feel guilty, hurt them, but do the right thing and move on. How much hurt the other person wants you to assume, isn't part of the equation. British Butler, Jeeves, invented by author P.G. Woodhouse warned, "It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sorts of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sorts take advantage of them." What people think is important, but not as important what you think, or do. Jumping or pushing is what we all do. When you are confused about a situation apply this test, "If my goals are honesty, fairness, and happiness what should I do?"
And my final lesson is to be there for others who have jumped or been pushed. Elvita Adams, on December 2, 1979, jumped off the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. As she was falling a sudden gust of wind blew Elvita back on to the 85th floor ledge where she was rescued. Recuperating in the hospital with a fractured pelvis she concluded, "I guess G-d didn't plan for me to die today." Life is filled with those unfortunate enough to be "pushed" one too many times. There isn't always a sudden gust of wind or a manure pile around to save them, or us. Each time you see the Empire State Building, think of it as a reminder.
In the midst of all the manipulation, all the jumping and pushing and the soul searching of life I am reminded of Benjamin Franklin's simple words of wisdom. Franklin said, "Beer is proof that G-d exists and wants us to be happy".
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JWR contributor Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, speaker, and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy.
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© 2010 Alan Douglas
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