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Jewish World Review August 13, 2009 / 23 Menachem-Av 5769 Better-than-most-fall-TV-previews fall TV preview By Lewis Grossberger http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It's shaping up as a spectacular season. Unlike many past years, there is no one trend or theme dominating this fall's very creative and innovative lineup. Here are the best of the new and returning shows, with a brief note on what to expect. Dancing with Supernatural Creatures: Who are the best dancers -- vampires, zombies, shape shifters or giant squid? (My money's on the cephalopod) Genuine monsters partner with actors who play vampires in hit movies and TV series in this reality show hosted by Paula Abdul and a 3,600-year-old man who claims to be the real Dracula. (new show) Mad Men: Fear strikes Sterling, Hayden & Cooper when Pete's secretary is found dead with tooth marks on her toothsome neck. As most beautiful person in the office, Don is assigned to hunt down the vampire responsible but worries that it may be his wife, Betty, who's been behaving even more oddly than usual. Meanwhile Peggy, now chairman of the board, is pregnant again and suspects her baby may be a werewolf, an idea she finds strangely exciting. Curb Your Enthusiasm: Plans for a Seinfeld reunion form a major plot strand this season as Jerry and his old gang all turn up on the sitcom of their old collaborator, Larry David. But things go awry when Julia Louis-Dreyfus is found dead with tooth marks on her neck. Jerry naturally suspects Newman but Michael Richards is behaving even more oddly than usual. Spoiler warning: The vampire turns out to be Jason Alexander, who has a stake driven through his heart by Suzy Essman . Hank: Kelsey Grammer returns to TV as a disgraced Wall Street tycoon who goes back to live in his small hometown, an idea that may sound contrived to you but actually happens all the time. There he's forced to interact with broadly written and acted comical hicks who keep telling him, "You look just like that guy from Frasier." As he is merely a figurative vampire, not a real one, no one bothers to deliver the deathblow Hank richly deserves. (new show) The Good Wife: Julianna Margulies (an ER original cast member) is a former attorney who must go back to work when her politician husband, (Chris Noth, forever Mr. Big) is sent to jail. She has trouble competing with the young hotshots because all trials are now conducted on Twitter, which she's never used. Meanwhile, Chris falls in with a gang of bad-ass convicts including Bernie Madoff, Phil Spector, Bill Compton (the hot vampire from True Blood) and, in his acting debut, Levi Johnston. When they break out en masse, Julianna must put them all up in her tiny, cramped apartment in Tribeca. Hilarious complications ensue. (new show) House: Increasingly disturbed during his confinement in a mental hospital, House is treated for advanced obnoxiousness by the paranoid Dr. Van Helsing, who suspects all his patients are vampires. Actually, only two or three of them are. The rest are merely TV actors impersonating vampires. The Vampire Diaries: Based on a series of best-selling YA novels, this eagerly awaited show concerns the adventures of a group of medieval teenage vampires who, having drained everyone in Transylvania, time travel to Hollywood and take over network television. No one in the industry notices anything unusual is going on. (new show) Law and Order SVU: Elliot (Christopher Meloni) and Olivia (Mariska Hargitay) go after a gang of dancing zombie chefs who are trying to popularize a new type of sex crime so horrible and disgusting that Munch (Richard Belzer) throws up every time they try to tell him about it. Paula Abdul guest stars as leader of the gang. Cougar Town: A sexy divorcee in her forties (Courtney Cox) has an affair with what she thinks is a 17-year-old high school student only to discover that he's really a 16-year-old high school student. Paula Abdul co-stars as a 44-year-old high-school student with two-year-old fang implants that she got while guest starring on Nip/Tuck. Eastwick: Three suburban witches must pretend to be vampires after discovering that no one wants to befriend them because witches are pathetically untrendy. The ghost of John Updike makes frequent guest appearances, reading excerpts from his novels. (new show) No Fangs, We Ain't Interested: a valiant band of rebellious TV writers languishes in obscurity after trying to get a show on the air that has no vampires in it. (new show) Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment on JWR contributor and humorist Lewis Grossberger's column by clicking here. Previously: 07/01/09: Many saddened by inability to join national outpouring of grief over Jackson 06/25/09: Tweeting the American Revolution 06/17/09: Who were the Collyer brothers? (Be the first to answer and win a basement full of old newspapers) 06/11/09: What we learn from the new Hitler photos 05/28/09: Beware: Don't Fall into the Clutches of the Hugger-Mugger © 2009, Lewis Grossberger

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