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Jewish World Review August 5, 2009 / 15 Menachem-Av 5769 A few words , and then some , from the Obama Center By Kevin Ferris
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
"Good morning. This is the "Oh no, no, no, ma'am. Don't hang up. We are — or were — the "That's right. It's in honor of the historic summit here at the Center on Thursday with President Obama and his distinguished guests. "Oh, it was far more than a happy hour. This was an important step in bringing the races together. Our pollsters, who have been tracking the perfectly normal, nothing-to-be-alarmed-about, likely seasonal downward adjustment in approval numbers, made it clear that the less-than-positive reaction to the president's bold assertion on racial profiling and the "That's right. It's them, not him. So we wanted to step back, bring everyone together, pretend they were all on board with the president's comment, and heal America through the wonders of racial photo-op-iness. "Did we poll-test the menu? Pale ale vs. dark beer? Don't be silly. And, uh, no, no one on staff suggested serving Black and Tans. Was that supposed to be a joke? These calls are monitored for racial sensitivity, you know. "Actually, you're just confirming what our president so insightfully said: 'Race is still a troubling aspect of our society.' Is there another person on the planet who would have noticed that? Or who would dedicate so much staff time and effort to figuring out how to recalibrate a throwaway line in a news conference? "OK, fine. We wouldn't need to recalibrate if he hadn't talked 'stupidly' to begin with. Or 'pulled a Biden'? That's one I haven't heard. So I guess the president out-Bidened Biden, didn't he? "Oh, dear. Did I just say that? Never mind. Is there some way the Center can help you today? "Yes, of course we can talk about health care. We're so happy to help real citizens ignore the distractions and talk about real issues. "No, I don't have to redirect your call. All of us here at the Center are certified health-care-reform counselors. We have memorized the president's speeches on the issue, and we understand that he wants the very best for us, and we, too, care deeply. "Sure, we're open to other points of view. Dialogue is so important in breaking down barriers. What doesn't make sense to you? "Adding 50 million people to the rolls will increase, not decrease, costs? We shouldn't need the Congressional Budget Office to tell us that? "The deficit will spike, instead of curving downward, as the president claims? See CBO comment above? "The plan works against people keeping the insurance they have? "The plan will eventually radically restrict choices? "Dozens of agencies will compete to micromanage health-care procedures and options? "Taxes will skyrocket for health care, for the stimulus, for cap-and-trade, and for whatever else you — Well, I can't repeat that word. Nitwits is fine — whatever else you nitwits dream up. "The motto for Obamacare should be 'Pay way more, get lots less'? "OK, ma'am. I see where you're headed. Let me stop you there. You've looked at the House bill online, right? I thought so. As a certified health-care-reform counselor, let me strongly advise two things. First, delete that file. That's right. No, don't share it. Just delete, delete, delete. Second, step away from the computer screen. In fact, turn it off for a few months. "Let me recalibrate something I said earlier. Not all dialogue is important. In fact, we're finding that too much dialogue and too many details can be counterproductive. "We'd prefer you focus on the president's promise: more coverage, lower costs, revenue-neutrality. Isn't that what we all want? Now let's just get out of the way and let "Shut down debate? Nonsense. We just want to make sure you're getting the right facts. As the president said about race, ' ... commenting on this and hopefully contributing to the constructive, as opposed to negative, understandings about the issue is part of my portfolio.' "And, hey, why not stop by for a few beers? The plan really makes much more sense that way." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
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Kevin Ferris is commentary page editor of the Philadelphia Inquirer.
© 2008, Philadelphia Inquirer Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
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