
 |
|
Nov. 6, 2009
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How
to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Nov. 5, 2009
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking
Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker
With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater?
With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change
With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Oct. 29, 2009
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our
Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
JWisdom.com Why what we wear
impacts who we are
With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love
With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks
With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness
with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really?
By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A
Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious
By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things
By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices
By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 15, 2009
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
|
| |
Jewish World Review
August 9, 2007
/ 25 Menachem-Av, 5767
Let's get in the game
By
Malcolm Fleschner
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
After months of media hype, superstar British footballer David Beckham has finally made his American debut. Now everyone's asking the same question: will US fans remain as excited about the arrival of the much-ballyhooed Beckham when they discover that this alleged "football" player actually plays soccer?
The main problem Beckham faces in his attempt to conquer an American audience is that, despite its worldwide popularity, soccer here remains a marginal sport, frequently lumped in with such other late night sports cable staples as Ice Fishing, Ultimate Slapfighting and Extreme Tech Support. Also working against Beckham is the fact that, unlike today's great American sports stars, he apparently has never used performance-enhancing drugs or run a large-scale criminal enterprise from his home. But hey, he's a top athlete - perhaps with practice he will adjust to the American style of play.
Sportswriters have floated countless ideas on how to make soccer more palatable to an American audience, such as to incorporate "beer breaks" into each half of play, showing the game from the perspective of an embedded "ball-cam," having the players ride motorcycles while dressed as characters from the movie Road Warrior, etc.
The biggest obstacle to getting Americans on board with soccer is that the game's most fundamental rule sounds like something out of a fraternity initiation. "OK, pledges, I'm going to kick this firm, leather ball as hard as I can right at you at point blank range. All you have to do is stop it. Oh, and by the way - no touching the ball with your hands. Now line up!"
I just think the game would be much more exciting if field players were allowed to use their hands for something other than evacuating their sinuses as they run onto the field. In this opinion I am joined, by the way, by almost all of the players currently participating in my five-year-old daughter's afternoon soccer class (they have already mastered the nose-picking aspect of the game). Each class the coach dedicates a significant portion of time to reminding the kids that they can't touch the ball, punch the ball, bounce the ball with their hands, or pick up the ball and throw it into the road at passing vehicles.
At least my daughter's coaches know the basic rules of soccer, something that couldn't be said of the adults who coached my youth soccer league. Wait, that's not entirely accurate. True, my childhood teams were often "coached" by dads who could no more explain the fundamental rules of soccer than, say, recite the entire works of Emily Dickinson in Bantu. But we did have a few coaches who understood soccer intimately, having played the game since childhood. We might have benefited from these coaches' knowledge a little more if they had spoken any English, but hey, you can't have everything...
As a result, whenever one of the players would commit some flagrant violation of the rules such as stuffing the ball under his shirt and running in circles, the chorus of oblivious dads cheering "Go, go, go!" would often drown out the heavily accented shouts of "No, no, no!" from our Romanian, Dutch and Kenyan coaches. The '70s were a complicated time to grow up.
But today, with help from knowledgeable, English-speaking coaches, my daughter's generation is learning the proper way to comport themselves on the soccer field. I only wish the same could be said for those of us on the sidelines. After all, what common factor unites all the parents of little league baseball, football, basketball and hockey players in this country? Besides the odor of Ben-Gay wafting from their minivans' upholstery, that is? That's right, it's the unwavering belief that one's child is being treated unfairly, whether by the coach who isn't giving Junior enough playing time, the other team's players with their flagrant fouls bordering on aggravated assault, the corrupt referees who fail to whistle these infractions and, worst of all, the opposing teams' parents who are clearly injecting some sort of banned growth hormones into their kids' juice boxes.
Yet during my daughter's soccer practices, the other parents seem almost oblivious to the action on the field as they blithely read magazines, chat with one another and talk on their cell phones. I want to yell out, "Hey, pay attention! The kids aren't the only ones who are supposed to be practicing here! Speaking of which, did that out-of-control son of yours just elbow my daughter?"
By applying ourselves, I feel that American soccer parents can one day become every bit as petty, obnoxious and quick-to-violence as the parents trading insults, punches and gunfire on the sidelines of all the other major American youth sports.
After all, even an international superstar like David Beckham can't single-handedly turn soccer into an American sensation. Certainly not without using his hands, anyway.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Michael Barone
Dave Barry
Tony Blankley
Andy Borowitz
David Broder
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
John Fund
Frank J. Gaffney
Lloyd Garver
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Lewis Grossberger
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Laura Ingraham
Cheri Jacobus Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ed Koch
Ch. Krauthammer
Michael Ledeen
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Dick Morris
Bill O'Reilly
Jim Mullen
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Jonathan Rauch
Celia Rivenbark
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Pat Sajak
Debra J. Saunders
Culture Shlock
Roger Simon
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
Lisa Benson
John Branch
Gary Brookins
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holber
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Ranan R. Lurie
Jimmy Margulies
Rick McKee
Michael Ramirez
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Ed Stein
Danna Summers
John Trever
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters

How 2
Lori Borgman
The Savvy Consumer
Elder matters
Fixit
Dr. Peter Gott
GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
Richard Lederer
Tech Maven
Every Monday Matters
Nutrition Myths
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
How Stuff Works
|