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Oct. 13, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Happiness Quotient

Jonathan Rosenblum: Ignore the Grandchildren

Oct. 10, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The limitations of scientific miracles

Caroline B. Glick: Lebanon on the brink --- and why it matters

Oct. 8, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: The day when the sane talk to themselves

Ana Veciana-Suarez: Many nonobservant Jews are finding religion

Oct. 7, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Of politics and prayer

Caroline B. Glick: The ironies of the West's collusion with the Arabs and Iran

Oct. 6, 2008

Rabbi Yitzchok R. Rubin: Mamma to the masses

Jonathan Tobin: Ahmadinejad Isn't Too Impressed

Oct. 3, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The 'living dead' are all around us

Caroline B. Glick: Olmert's parting blows

Oct. 2, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: Often customers looking for our competitor accidentally enter our store. Can we just serve them without comment?

Jonathan Tobin: Jewish pundit quiz on next year's news

Sept. 29, 2008

Rabbi Eli Gewirtz: Lehman Brothers and the Day of Judgment

Rabbi Leiby Burnham: Apples, Honey and You

Sept. 26, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The shofar and the Echo of Sinai

Caroline B. Glick: A road paved on reality

Sept. 24, 2008

Greg Crosby: Home for the Holy Days

Ethel G. Hofman: Rosh Hashanah Favorites: Old-fashioned taste, reduced calories

Sept. 23, 2008

Caroline Glick: Liberalism or lives!?

Michael Ledeen: Dear President Ahmadinejad

Sept. 22, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: I gave a check to a local merchant, but it hasn't been cashed in months. Probably they lost it. Do I have to tell them?

Diana West: We are losing Europe to Islam

Sept. 19, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: On harvesting success

Caroline B. Glick: It is time to act

Sept. 18, 2008

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Is camping the panacea to save Jewry from self-destruction?

Craig Gordon: Was SNL hilarity too much for Hillary?

Sept. 17, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: The Whole World Is Watching

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: East meets Southwest in this quick meal: MEXICAN-ASIAN TOSTADOS

Sept. 16, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr. : Into the fire

Everything's Relative : Your Official Jewish Guide to the 2008 USA Presidential Election

Sept. 15, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Enabling risky behavior

Diana West: A day that will live in ... accommodating Islam

Sept. 11, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The skeleton in my closet

Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein: Persecution and systematic destruction of Christians in the Middle East must be stopped

Sept. 10, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: There's Something About Sarah

The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Manweiler: Who needs Chili's when you have these? Recipes for Mexican that taste great and are dietetic! Our commitment to freedom

Sept. 9, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Must counterinsurgency wars fail?

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.:

Sept. 8, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: How far must one go to help somebody out of a contract?

Barry Rubin: Waiting For Something

Sept. 8, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : How far must one go to help somebody out of a contract?

Barry Rubin: Waiting For Something

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 9, 2007 / 25 Menachem-Av, 5767

Let's get in the game

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | After months of media hype, superstar British footballer David Beckham has finally made his American debut. Now everyone's asking the same question: will US fans remain as excited about the arrival of the much-ballyhooed Beckham when they discover that this alleged "football" player actually plays soccer?


The main problem Beckham faces in his attempt to conquer an American audience is that, despite its worldwide popularity, soccer here remains a marginal sport, frequently lumped in with such other late night sports cable staples as Ice Fishing, Ultimate Slapfighting and Extreme Tech Support. Also working against Beckham is the fact that, unlike today's great American sports stars, he apparently has never used performance-enhancing drugs or run a large-scale criminal enterprise from his home. But hey, he's a top athlete - perhaps with practice he will adjust to the American style of play.


Sportswriters have floated countless ideas on how to make soccer more palatable to an American audience, such as to incorporate "beer breaks" into each half of play, showing the game from the perspective of an embedded "ball-cam," having the players ride motorcycles while dressed as characters from the movie Road Warrior, etc.


The biggest obstacle to getting Americans on board with soccer is that the game's most fundamental rule sounds like something out of a fraternity initiation. "OK, pledges, I'm going to kick this firm, leather ball as hard as I can right at you at point blank range. All you have to do is stop it. Oh, and by the way - no touching the ball with your hands. Now line up!"


I just think the game would be much more exciting if field players were allowed to use their hands for something other than evacuating their sinuses as they run onto the field. In this opinion I am joined, by the way, by almost all of the players currently participating in my five-year-old daughter's afternoon soccer class (they have already mastered the nose-picking aspect of the game). Each class the coach dedicates a significant portion of time to reminding the kids that they can't touch the ball, punch the ball, bounce the ball with their hands, or pick up the ball and throw it into the road at passing vehicles.


At least my daughter's coaches know the basic rules of soccer, something that couldn't be said of the adults who coached my youth soccer league. Wait, that's not entirely accurate. True, my childhood teams were often "coached" by dads who could no more explain the fundamental rules of soccer than, say, recite the entire works of Emily Dickinson in Bantu. But we did have a few coaches who understood soccer intimately, having played the game since childhood. We might have benefited from these coaches' knowledge a little more if they had spoken any English, but hey, you can't have everything...


As a result, whenever one of the players would commit some flagrant violation of the rules such as stuffing the ball under his shirt and running in circles, the chorus of oblivious dads cheering "Go, go, go!" would often drown out the heavily accented shouts of "No, no, no!" from our Romanian, Dutch and Kenyan coaches. The '70s were a complicated time to grow up.


But today, with help from knowledgeable, English-speaking coaches, my daughter's generation is learning the proper way to comport themselves on the soccer field. I only wish the same could be said for those of us on the sidelines. After all, what common factor unites all the parents of little league baseball, football, basketball and hockey players in this country? Besides the odor of Ben-Gay wafting from their minivans' upholstery, that is? That's right, it's the unwavering belief that one's child is being treated unfairly, whether by the coach who isn't giving Junior enough playing time, the other team's players with their flagrant fouls bordering on aggravated assault, the corrupt referees who fail to whistle these infractions and, worst of all, the opposing teams' parents who are clearly injecting some sort of banned growth hormones into their kids' juice boxes.


Yet during my daughter's soccer practices, the other parents seem almost oblivious to the action on the field as they blithely read magazines, chat with one another and talk on their cell phones. I want to yell out, "Hey, pay attention! The kids aren't the only ones who are supposed to be practicing here! Speaking of which, did that out-of-control son of yours just elbow my daughter?"


By applying ourselves, I feel that American soccer parents can one day become every bit as petty, obnoxious and quick-to-violence as the parents trading insults, punches and gunfire on the sidelines of all the other major American youth sports.


After all, even an international superstar like David Beckham can't single-handedly turn soccer into an American sensation. Certainly not without using his hands, anyway.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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