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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 21, 2007 / 7 Elul, 5767

In the heat of fashion

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Awards season may be long over, yet for me a few of the more puzzling questions about what goes on at the big time award show ceremonies persist, such as:

How come many of the presenters — supposedly the finest actors of their generation — seem wholly incapable of reading and delivering a few simple lines off a teleprompter?

While interviewing yet another bronzed, newly "enhanced" young actress, how do the red carpet interviewers resist asking whether she has already picked up her own pair of "Golden Globes?"

When encouraging award recipients delivering acceptance speeches to "wrap it up," why do the shows' producers simply turn up the music when sharpshooters positioned in the balconies would be so much more effective (and entertaining)?

But the biggest head-scratcher about the whole awards show phenomenon would have to be that inevitable question Joan Rivers and her red carpet-trolling colleagues ask nearly every passing A-lister: "Who are you wearing?" I can't imagine I'm the only person who thinks this question's phrasing makes it sound like the celebrities are wearing the actual designers, rather than simply their clothing.

Joan Rivers: "Halle Barry, you look fabulous tonight. I have to ask. Who are you wearing?"

Hally Barry (carrying a tuxedo-clad man slumped over her shoulder): "What, this old thing? It's Giorgio Armani, of course."

Giorgio Armani (lifting head to speak): Joan, how are you, darling! What's different about you? Did you get new hips? You should come by my office sometime for a fitting!"

Then again, maybe the issue is merely that I'm not particularly knowledgeable about the world of fashion. This fact is frequently confirmed for me, often by complete strangers. "Wow, you are clearly someone who pays no attention to fashion," and "I can see that fashion is not a top priority in your life!" are just a couple of the compliments I regularly hear.

I guess a big part of what confuses me about the fashion world involves precisely how new fashion trends get started. I mean, I know where we regular members of the public are supposed to get our cues for what to wear — from fashion magazines, catalogs, stylish celebrities, the signals beamed into the microchips secretly embedded in the bellybutton and nose piercings teenagers get at the mall, etc. But who's actually making the decisions that, for example, hobo bags, giant sunglasses and leopard-print leggings are going to be "in" this season, or that no men's shorts will be sold unless they stretch down to at least mid-shin length and must include at least 27 pockets?

Most people probably think that the big-name designers are responsible for all new fashion trends, but this is, of course, nonsense.

The couture houses in Paris and Milan are far too busy competing to see who can come up with the most ridiculous outfits, which is why all the runway models always look like they're attending a costume party for the criminally deranged.

You've no doubt seen this sort of high fashion show footage before, featuring a runway model wearing something ridiculous like, say, a form-fitting port-a-potty accessorized with a toilet seat necklace and miniature toilet seat bracelets. Yet you likely never thought to yourself, "Gee, I sure hope they have that little number in stock the next time I go to The Gap!"

My theory is that all decisions about more everyday fashion trends are made by the Fashion Oracle, a mysterious figure who is kept blindfolded and bound with pashmina scarves to a radiator in the basement of the Manhattan Bloomingdale's or maybe behind a hidden panel somewhere on the set of the Tyra Banks Show. Twice a year all the fashion magazine editors and big time designers converge on this secret location to receive that season's marching orders. After disappearing into a dressing room the oracle goes into a trance, and then emerges to reveal precisely what will be "in" for the upcoming season.

"I see... knee and elbow pads as formalwear. I see… spaghetti straps coming back, but this time made of actual cooked spaghetti. I see… our hot young starlets rediscovering their underwear, but as outerwear. I see… the most fashionable people wearing not one, not two, but three crushed velvet capes — all at the same time. I see…"

Then again, maybe the explanation is far simpler, like that fashion is all being controlled by the Freemasons or the Illuminati. Or maybe aliens. That, at least, would explain some of the fashion commentators on the E! Network. Sadly, we may never know the truth. But maybe that's for the best. After all, our role is to passively follow along with the fashion trends that are dictated to us, not to ask a bunch of silly questions.

We can leave that job to Joan Rivers.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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