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Nov, 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov, 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 21, 2007 / 7 Elul, 5767

In the heat of fashion

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Awards season may be long over, yet for me a few of the more puzzling questions about what goes on at the big time award show ceremonies persist, such as:

How come many of the presenters — supposedly the finest actors of their generation — seem wholly incapable of reading and delivering a few simple lines off a teleprompter?

While interviewing yet another bronzed, newly "enhanced" young actress, how do the red carpet interviewers resist asking whether she has already picked up her own pair of "Golden Globes?"

When encouraging award recipients delivering acceptance speeches to "wrap it up," why do the shows' producers simply turn up the music when sharpshooters positioned in the balconies would be so much more effective (and entertaining)?

But the biggest head-scratcher about the whole awards show phenomenon would have to be that inevitable question Joan Rivers and her red carpet-trolling colleagues ask nearly every passing A-lister: "Who are you wearing?" I can't imagine I'm the only person who thinks this question's phrasing makes it sound like the celebrities are wearing the actual designers, rather than simply their clothing.

Joan Rivers: "Halle Barry, you look fabulous tonight. I have to ask. Who are you wearing?"

Hally Barry (carrying a tuxedo-clad man slumped over her shoulder): "What, this old thing? It's Giorgio Armani, of course."

Giorgio Armani (lifting head to speak): Joan, how are you, darling! What's different about you? Did you get new hips? You should come by my office sometime for a fitting!"

Then again, maybe the issue is merely that I'm not particularly knowledgeable about the world of fashion. This fact is frequently confirmed for me, often by complete strangers. "Wow, you are clearly someone who pays no attention to fashion," and "I can see that fashion is not a top priority in your life!" are just a couple of the compliments I regularly hear.

I guess a big part of what confuses me about the fashion world involves precisely how new fashion trends get started. I mean, I know where we regular members of the public are supposed to get our cues for what to wear — from fashion magazines, catalogs, stylish celebrities, the signals beamed into the microchips secretly embedded in the bellybutton and nose piercings teenagers get at the mall, etc. But who's actually making the decisions that, for example, hobo bags, giant sunglasses and leopard-print leggings are going to be "in" this season, or that no men's shorts will be sold unless they stretch down to at least mid-shin length and must include at least 27 pockets?

Most people probably think that the big-name designers are responsible for all new fashion trends, but this is, of course, nonsense.

The couture houses in Paris and Milan are far too busy competing to see who can come up with the most ridiculous outfits, which is why all the runway models always look like they're attending a costume party for the criminally deranged.

You've no doubt seen this sort of high fashion show footage before, featuring a runway model wearing something ridiculous like, say, a form-fitting port-a-potty accessorized with a toilet seat necklace and miniature toilet seat bracelets. Yet you likely never thought to yourself, "Gee, I sure hope they have that little number in stock the next time I go to The Gap!"

My theory is that all decisions about more everyday fashion trends are made by the Fashion Oracle, a mysterious figure who is kept blindfolded and bound with pashmina scarves to a radiator in the basement of the Manhattan Bloomingdale's or maybe behind a hidden panel somewhere on the set of the Tyra Banks Show. Twice a year all the fashion magazine editors and big time designers converge on this secret location to receive that season's marching orders. After disappearing into a dressing room the oracle goes into a trance, and then emerges to reveal precisely what will be "in" for the upcoming season.

"I see... knee and elbow pads as formalwear. I see… spaghetti straps coming back, but this time made of actual cooked spaghetti. I see… our hot young starlets rediscovering their underwear, but as outerwear. I see… the most fashionable people wearing not one, not two, but three crushed velvet capes — all at the same time. I see…"

Then again, maybe the explanation is far simpler, like that fashion is all being controlled by the Freemasons or the Illuminati. Or maybe aliens. That, at least, would explain some of the fashion commentators on the E! Network. Sadly, we may never know the truth. But maybe that's for the best. After all, our role is to passively follow along with the fashion trends that are dictated to us, not to ask a bunch of silly questions.

We can leave that job to Joan Rivers.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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