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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 10, 2006 / 16 Menachem-Av, 5766

The dybbuk wears knock-offs

By Abe Novick


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The author has done a lot more than embrace his "feminine side"


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I've become my wife. Yes, it's true. No longer am I the guy I was before I got married. No booze. No porn. No being bad. I'm now a goodie two-shoes just like her. Even, perhaps, too much so.


My self-realization hit me recently while I was taking a relaxing weeklong vacation just as my children began summer camp and I was in charge of dropping off and picking up. During the day, in between, I was able to chill at home, read and well — shop. That's right (that four-letter word), I did it. I, who rarely enters the gateways of commerce or goes to the mall (that other four-letter word), but on those rare occasions when I am dragged, complain after one lap around mall of my bad back, proceeded of my own volition. At least I think it was me.


My wife on the other hand is a shopping pro. She has mall GPS. No need for security. Were there an emergency, they'd call her first to know the layout from elevators to air ducts.


Chaucer called idle hands the devil's playthings. My time off led me astray and what can I say, but "guilty as charged on my Amex."


For me, it all began by my just checking e-mail. Then, like the Serpent, those slick, slithery ads wove their way into my space. Hmm — I said, I'll just take a look. The rest was like so many bad junior high school filmstrips warning us not even try a puff off a cigarette cause it will lead to heroin.


How fast it all happened. It was like on out-of-body experience. It lures you in with that prophetic word, the word, our people have revered for centuries, the one profits are made from, "sale." The devil was not only wearing Prada but also donned Magli and Gucci. Then there they were. I stared unable to take my eyes off them. They practically spoke to me, "Hello lover" they beckoned like some Lilith. I shut the window down fast.


A wave of Jewish guilt hit me hard. Yes, they were on sale, but still far above my usual buy.


Home alone, with just a laptop against my palms, I felt as if I was cheating on my wife. I turned to be sure no one was looking. Alas, the coast was clear. What was I doing?


I went back again and stared, even longer this time.


They looked so soft, bathed in supple lighting, they practically purred. They're so tan and inviting they almost rub up along your leg. They seemed so smooth, no wonder they call them slip-ons. Mmm...made just for me as they'd be sure to hug my dogs gently.


What could I do, but tenderly, helplessly and caressingly place them into my shopping cart. It was as if someone else, some spirit, was controlling my hands. There they lay for a day. I went back and kept looking at my caged prey during the night.


What had become of me?


Her shopping chi had entered me. Like Adam, I had taken a bite out of our credit card on my Apple. Realizing my actions were etched in its memory I became scared. Do I confess? Or wait and hide? But this was my wife we're talking about. She should be proud. She's the master and I the student.


Like Andrea, in The Devil Wears Prada, this mere neophyte would show his Miranda what a great job he did and make her pleased, yes?


As her car pulled up, I told her everything and got it all off my chest. I was saved. It's what she would have done. No secrets. Whatever it was that was inside me, was neutralized when it was met with the truth and her piercing stare. Like the Baal Shem-Tov rids the demon in the famous story, The Dybbuk, I was relieved.


Where the ghoul went is a mystery. But it's out there; still inhabiting the likes of other unsuspecting husbands who are unaware of what evil lurks on the clearance racks.


Just be warned brothers. The dybbuk wears knock-offs


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JWR contributor Abe Novick is senior vice president for Eisner Communications in Baltimore Comment by clicking here.

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© 2006, Abe Novick