It is Sunday morning and I just got back from a continental breakfast at
Home Town Buffet. I have been invited to contribute articles to this cutting
edge website that normally provides uncanny insights into the Middle East in
general and Israel in particular.
I will not be providing those uncanny insights. I am not normal.
I am not...Jewish, Muslim, Palestinian, a member of the Taliban, one of
the Joint Chiefs of Staff, a member of OPEC, someone who has been on a White
House tour, someone who parties with Mel Gibson, a wandering nomad who has
encountered a burning bush, aware of the date when Katie Couric is going to
bring television news to its knees, an expert commentator on the political
I am just a guy who tends to find common sense humor in serious issues.
For example, I happen to think that if Ann Coulter was put in charge of
dealing with the insurgents in Iraq, she would challenge them to a winner
take all Scrabble contest. Our troops would be on their way home within
One WMD would finally be found in Iraq under Saddam Hussein's bed and
it's timely activation would be the last thing he would ever hear as he
relaxed on, "a cool, cool night" while listening to Dave Garver play the
Errol Garner classic, "Misty."
I also think that Israel is toying with Lebanon in the same way a pit
bull smirks at a poodle.
This silliness won't go on much longer. There will be a "negotiation" and
Lebanon will quietly go back to doing what it does best; be anonymous in the
world scheme of things.
I think that Osama Bin Laden will eventually be captured on one of his
daily visits to downtown Waco to pick up supplies for his compound.
I believe the Democrats are going to grow tired of the accusations that
they don't have a plan to lead America and boldly announce that they are
going to start working on one IMMEDIATELY!
There is no question in my mind as a casual observer of Iraq that the
Sunnis will prevail over the Shiites because they have a cooler name.
I think Cindy Sheehan will eventually tire of her crusade to meet
President for a SECOND time, settle down and marry Michael Moore. The love
birds will produce a documentary together, "Bowling for Personal
And finally, I think George W. Bush will be vindicated for leading us
into Iraq and Afghanistan and taking enough heat off Israel so it could kick
the butt of poodles everywhere. I think it would be a great idea to
establish a second Israel on some land next to North Korea. This IS the
strategy that is working so let's expand it.
I am just a guy who is trying to understand the Middle East situation in
between the Turner Classic movies I watch on Tivo. I will let the experts
impress everyone. I'll be in touch.
Nice to meet all of you. This has been fun.