
 |
|
Nov. 6, 2009
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How
to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Nov. 5, 2009
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking
Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker
With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater?
With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change
With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Oct. 29, 2009
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our
Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
JWisdom.com Why what we wear
impacts who we are
With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love
With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks
With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness
with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really?
By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A
Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious
By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things
By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices
By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 15, 2009
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
|
| |
Jewish World Review
August 9, 2006
/ 15 Menachem-Av, 5766
We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
By
Malcolm Fleschner
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
When throwing a party for young children, parents enjoy a wide variety of themes to
choose from. Traditionalists will opt for old standards like pirates, fairy
princesses or dinosaurs. The kids themselves, however, as well-trained consumers of
children's entertainment, tend to prefer such wholesome commercial themes as The
Little Mermaid, Spongebob Squarepants and Mortal Kombat VII: Blood Reckoning.
Truthfully, for many parents these days, the party's theme is not the primary
consideration. More important is using the party to convey a clear underlying
message, which is, "Look How Much Money We Have." For these parents, merely hiring a
magician is hardly sufficient. No, their little angel's party must also feature - at
a minimum - bouncy houses, pony rides, professional jugglers, fire-eaters, a team of
shiatsu massage therapists, the USC marching band and a live feed of the astronauts
aboard the Space Shuttle singing "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor. Often today
the only way to tell the difference between a young child's birthday party and the
Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies is that most guests at a children's party are not
required to furnish a urine sample.
Another popular kid party trend these days is hiring a mobile petting zoo to set up
a caged-in area where ducks, rabbits, goats and chickens can poop all over your
lawn. From what I can tell, the way it works is, before opening the gate to the pen,
the attendant solemnly instructs the kids that the animals need to be treated gently
and don't appreciate being chased, grabbed or picked up. Then he opens the gate and
cuts out for a cigarette, at which point the kids all scramble in to chase, grab and
pick up the hapless animals. And since the poor creatures probably go through this
routine twice a day every weekend, the ironic result is a corral full of baby ducks
and rabbits conditioned to peck and bite any child in range.
But when you're talking about parents going overboard for children's parties, you
can't avoid mentioning Long Island tycoon David H. Brooks, who recently spent $10
million to hire, among others, Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, rapper 50
Cent and saxophonist Kenny G. to perform at his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Now I know
what you hip teenagers reading this are thinking: "That's outrageous! Why waste
money on Aerosmith or 50 Cent when the kids are only going to want to see smooth
jazz legend Kenny G.?"
I admit to scratching my head over the notion of a kid's party with a higher price
tag than, say, the cost of rebuilding New Orleans. I was raised in an era (the
Pleistocene) when a child's birthday party consisted of a game of
pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey (and, unless he was quick, pin-the-tail-on-the-dog)
followed by cake and presents. The closest thing we had to a fire-eater was when my
friend Billy Mezzetti burned his eyebrows trying to swipe a taste of birthday cake
while I was blowing out the candles.
But turning a fire extinguisher on a friend's face wasn't our only entertainment. At
my mom's parties the highlight was always when my friends and I tried to guess how
many jelly beans were contained in a half-gallon mason jar. Whoever came closest got
to take the jar home. Or, more precisely, got to try to spirit the jar out of the
house while a dozen eight-year-old boys riding a serious frosting buzz assaulted him
like a horde of refugees tearing into a UN food delivery truck.
Now that our daughter is turning four, my wife and I are courageously bucking the
trend toward lavish, costly birthday parties. Not only do we strongly believe that
such events are tacky and send the wrong message to children, but we also feel that
kids should know how to amuse themselves and not need to be entertained constantly.
Plus we don't have the money.
And so, while my wife spent the past week cleaning, preparing food, making
decorations and coming up with ideas for games and activities, I've taken charge of
the kids' craft project. I haven't told my wife yet, but the children won't be doing
the usual fingerpainting, spin art, or paper crown decorating projects. Instead,
thanks to my exciting "Kids Around The Globe," theme, our young partygoers will
experience a taste of what life is like for disadvantaged children abroad by
spending 11 hours in the basement hand-stitching inseams into Nike cross-trainers.
Hey, since when is teaching kids a valuable lesson a bad thing? And if it helps
defray some of the costs of throwing the party, so much the better, I say.
Besides, I'm not a complete ogre. Unlike some parents, I would never force the kids
who come to our party listen to Kenny G.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Michael Barone
Dave Barry
Tony Blankley
Andy Borowitz
David Broder
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
John Fund
Frank J. Gaffney
Lloyd Garver
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Lewis Grossberger
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Nat Hentoff
David Horowitz
Laura Ingraham
Cheri Jacobus Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ed Koch
Ch. Krauthammer
Michael Ledeen
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Dick Morris
Bill O'Reilly
Jim Mullen
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Jonathan Rauch
Celia Rivenbark
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Pat Sajak
Debra J. Saunders
Culture Shlock
Roger Simon
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
Lisa Benson
John Branch
Gary Brookins
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holber
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Ranan R. Lurie
Jimmy Margulies
Rick McKee
Michael Ramirez
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Ed Stein
Danna Summers
John Trever
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters

How 2
Lori Borgman
The Savvy Consumer
Elder matters
Fixit
Dr. Peter Gott
GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
Richard Lederer
Tech Maven
Every Monday Matters
Nutrition Myths
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
How Stuff Works
|