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Nov, 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov, 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

Oct. 31, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Our Immutable Noble Essence

Caroline B. Glick: Running against Bush

Oct. 30, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: The End of the Special Relationship?

Steve Lipman: 'Kid Kosher' Gets A Title Shot

Oct. 29, 2008

Binyamin L. Jolkovsky: GET US THE TAPE THE L.A. TIMES REFUSES TO RELEASE, AND WE'LL GIVE YOU CASH!

Dr. Ari Korenblit: Making The Write Choice for President

Oct. 28, 2008

Mona Charen: Denial runs through American Jewry

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Sell-off to capitalism or sell-out to Islam?

Oct. 27, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Are tax deductions for charitable donations moral?

Jonathan Mark: The Mystery Of The Arab-American Vote

Oct. 24, 2008

'Why aren't all religious people vegetarians?': Response by Miriam Kosman

Caroline B. Glick: Testing Obama's mettle

Oct. 23, 2008

Daniel Pipes: Obama Would Fail Security Clearance

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A fast chicken dish with an Asian accent

Oct. 20, 2008

Gary Rosenblatt: Still One Torah

Jonathan Tobin: Government 'Gifts' Are Not Free

Oct. 17, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Sukkos and the Great Meltdown

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of law

Oct. 16, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Copying DVDs: RIP OR RIPOFF?

Cal Thomas: Blaming the Jews (again)

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 9, 2006 / 15 Menachem-Av, 5766

We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | When throwing a party for young children, parents enjoy a wide variety of themes to choose from. Traditionalists will opt for old standards like pirates, fairy princesses or dinosaurs. The kids themselves, however, as well-trained consumers of children's entertainment, tend to prefer such wholesome commercial themes as The Little Mermaid, Spongebob Squarepants and Mortal Kombat VII: Blood Reckoning.


Truthfully, for many parents these days, the party's theme is not the primary consideration. More important is using the party to convey a clear underlying message, which is, "Look How Much Money We Have." For these parents, merely hiring a magician is hardly sufficient. No, their little angel's party must also feature - at a minimum - bouncy houses, pony rides, professional jugglers, fire-eaters, a team of shiatsu massage therapists, the USC marching band and a live feed of the astronauts aboard the Space Shuttle singing "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor. Often today the only way to tell the difference between a young child's birthday party and the Summer Olympics Opening Ceremonies is that most guests at a children's party are not required to furnish a urine sample.


Another popular kid party trend these days is hiring a mobile petting zoo to set up a caged-in area where ducks, rabbits, goats and chickens can poop all over your lawn. From what I can tell, the way it works is, before opening the gate to the pen, the attendant solemnly instructs the kids that the animals need to be treated gently and don't appreciate being chased, grabbed or picked up. Then he opens the gate and cuts out for a cigarette, at which point the kids all scramble in to chase, grab and pick up the hapless animals. And since the poor creatures probably go through this routine twice a day every weekend, the ironic result is a corral full of baby ducks and rabbits conditioned to peck and bite any child in range.


But when you're talking about parents going overboard for children's parties, you can't avoid mentioning Long Island tycoon David H. Brooks, who recently spent $10 million to hire, among others, Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, rapper 50 Cent and saxophonist Kenny G. to perform at his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Now I know what you hip teenagers reading this are thinking: "That's outrageous! Why waste money on Aerosmith or 50 Cent when the kids are only going to want to see smooth jazz legend Kenny G.?"


I admit to scratching my head over the notion of a kid's party with a higher price tag than, say, the cost of rebuilding New Orleans. I was raised in an era (the Pleistocene) when a child's birthday party consisted of a game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey (and, unless he was quick, pin-the-tail-on-the-dog) followed by cake and presents. The closest thing we had to a fire-eater was when my friend Billy Mezzetti burned his eyebrows trying to swipe a taste of birthday cake while I was blowing out the candles.


But turning a fire extinguisher on a friend's face wasn't our only entertainment. At my mom's parties the highlight was always when my friends and I tried to guess how many jelly beans were contained in a half-gallon mason jar. Whoever came closest got to take the jar home. Or, more precisely, got to try to spirit the jar out of the house while a dozen eight-year-old boys riding a serious frosting buzz assaulted him like a horde of refugees tearing into a UN food delivery truck.


Now that our daughter is turning four, my wife and I are courageously bucking the trend toward lavish, costly birthday parties. Not only do we strongly believe that such events are tacky and send the wrong message to children, but we also feel that kids should know how to amuse themselves and not need to be entertained constantly. Plus we don't have the money.


And so, while my wife spent the past week cleaning, preparing food, making decorations and coming up with ideas for games and activities, I've taken charge of the kids' craft project. I haven't told my wife yet, but the children won't be doing the usual fingerpainting, spin art, or paper crown decorating projects. Instead, thanks to my exciting "Kids Around The Globe," theme, our young partygoers will experience a taste of what life is like for disadvantaged children abroad by spending 11 hours in the basement hand-stitching inseams into Nike cross-trainers. Hey, since when is teaching kids a valuable lesson a bad thing? And if it helps defray some of the costs of throwing the party, so much the better, I say.


Besides, I'm not a complete ogre. Unlike some parents, I would never force the kids who come to our party listen to Kenny G.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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