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Nov. 17, 2009
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JWisdom.com: If Frank Sinatra married Edith Piaf with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein (2 minutes) Life lessons from what would be regarded as the most inappropriate lyrics ever sung
Nov. 16, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : When borrowing is stealing
JWisdom.com: Deconstructing faith with Rabbi Warren Goldstein (9 minutes)
Nov. 13, 2009
JWisdom.com Sarah's subjective reality with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 6 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Obama's failure, Netanyahu's opportunity
Nov. 12, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet By Marialisa Calta : A sweet sweet potato treat
JWisdom.com Does God get tired? with Rabbi Harvey Belovski ( 5 minutes)
Nov. 11, 2009
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JWisdom.com Marriages are not made in Heaven with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (VERY fast 15 minutes)
Nov. 10, 2009
Michael Doyle: Author of book exposing CAIR ordered to remove supporting documents from Web
JWisdom.com If the creation so loudly shouts the existence of the Creator, why aren't more people believers? with Rabbi Naftali Brawer (9 minutes)
Nov. 9, 2009
Mark Steyn: Shooter exposes hole in U.S. terror strategy
JWisdom.com It's never too late to have a happy childhood with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
JWisdom.com Zero to 1/60th: How to Empower An Hour with Gavriel Aryeh Sande (7 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick The mullahs' big week
Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review August 8, 2005 / 3 Menachem-Av, 5765

What the beep, it's midnight!

By Lenore Skenazy


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Things that go bump in the night are no big deal. But things that go BEEP in the night? That's another story. "Once upon a time there was a battery-operated appliance that woke up in the middle of the night . . ."

For all the convenience that cell phones, computers and cheap tchotchkes have brought to our lives, are they really worth the nights of sleep their elusive beeps have deprived us of? The answer at 3 a.m., arms deep in the closet, trying to figure out which of any 11 electronic items could be emitting that infuriating squeak, is abso-beeping-lutely not. The other night when mysterious beeping shook my snooze to the core, I oh-so-stealthily tried to strangle our digital camera, walkie-talkies, new cell phones and, worse, old cell phones (zombies that come back to life at night only to buzz the living). I also set out to seek and destroy all those impossible-to-program digital watches that disappeared into the cushions long ago. Also the DVD player, computer, microwave — jeez, I hadn't realized how disgustingly materialistic we are — and, of course, the dog.

You see, we were dog-sitting and my husband, who groggily joined the search, was convinced that the homesick pooch was pining at precise five-minute intervals. That's what sleep deprivation will do for the brain.

In any event, the frustration we endured on our midnight search for the beep was hardly unique. Bill Baker, a normally sane individual, was awakened one night by his digital barometer. It beeps when there's a sudden drop in pressure, indicating a coming storm. "At least I think that's what it beeps for," Bill admits. "I'm not exactly sure, and I have lost the instructions."

The first time it beeped — the night before an important meeting — he had no idea where the sound was coming from. When he finally figured it out, he had no idea how to turn the thing off. When he finally took out the batteries, he didn't have the sense to keep them out. Which meant that, some months later, the device went off again, again just before an important meeting.

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"This still happens from time to time," he says, but he has made peace with it. How? "Now I think of it as a 'important meeting detector.' " Jeannie Hornung also was awakened in the dead of night, not by a beep but by a menacing falsetto "Uh huh."

She snapped on her light and searched the room, terrified. Next night, same thing. But the next night she found the creep.

"An abandoned Furby was in the bushes under my window."

Of course, all you smart folks reading this column probably already guessed what it was that woke us up: the smoke alarm battery dying. So common — too common. By now, you'd think all these smart devices would have the sense to point us to them so we can throw them against the wall and go back to sleep.

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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© 2005, NY Daily News

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