In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 8, 2005 / 3 Menachem-Av, 5765

What the beep, it's midnight!

By Lenore Skenazy

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Things that go bump in the night are no big deal. But things that go BEEP in the night? That's another story. "Once upon a time there was a battery-operated appliance that woke up in the middle of the night . . ."

For all the convenience that cell phones, computers and cheap tchotchkes have brought to our lives, are they really worth the nights of sleep their elusive beeps have deprived us of? The answer at 3 a.m., arms deep in the closet, trying to figure out which of any 11 electronic items could be emitting that infuriating squeak, is abso-beeping-lutely not. The other night when mysterious beeping shook my snooze to the core, I oh-so-stealthily tried to strangle our digital camera, walkie-talkies, new cell phones and, worse, old cell phones (zombies that come back to life at night only to buzz the living). I also set out to seek and destroy all those impossible-to-program digital watches that disappeared into the cushions long ago. Also the DVD player, computer, microwave — jeez, I hadn't realized how disgustingly materialistic we are — and, of course, the dog.

You see, we were dog-sitting and my husband, who groggily joined the search, was convinced that the homesick pooch was pining at precise five-minute intervals. That's what sleep deprivation will do for the brain.

In any event, the frustration we endured on our midnight search for the beep was hardly unique. Bill Baker, a normally sane individual, was awakened one night by his digital barometer. It beeps when there's a sudden drop in pressure, indicating a coming storm. "At least I think that's what it beeps for," Bill admits. "I'm not exactly sure, and I have lost the instructions."

The first time it beeped — the night before an important meeting — he had no idea where the sound was coming from. When he finally figured it out, he had no idea how to turn the thing off. When he finally took out the batteries, he didn't have the sense to keep them out. Which meant that, some months later, the device went off again, again just before an important meeting.

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"This still happens from time to time," he says, but he has made peace with it. How? "Now I think of it as a 'important meeting detector.' " Jeannie Hornung also was awakened in the dead of night, not by a beep but by a menacing falsetto "Uh huh."

She snapped on her light and searched the room, terrified. Next night, same thing. But the next night she found the creep.

"An abandoned Furby was in the bushes under my window."

Of course, all you smart folks reading this column probably already guessed what it was that woke us up: the smoke alarm battery dying. So common — too common. By now, you'd think all these smart devices would have the sense to point us to them so we can throw them against the wall and go back to sleep.

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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here.

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