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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 10, 2005 / 5 Av, 5765

At 75, ‘Blondie’ leaves vital questions unanswered

By David Grimes

Grimes
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | One of my favorite comic strips, "Blondie," is celebrating its 75th anniversary, so now seems as good a time as any to talk about some of the things that have always puzzled me about the strip.

1) Dagwood, the inventor of the Dagwood sandwich, eats like every meal might be his last and yet he never gains an ounce. As someone who can't look at a potato chip and still be able to snap his shorts shut the next morning, I would dearly love to know Dagwood's secret. Dagwood occasionally plays golf, but his favorite activities are avoiding chores and curling up on the couch for a long nap. The lesson here, apparently, is that I need to do even less physical activity than I do now (this will be a tough assignment but I will give it my best shot) and "just say yes" to that fourth helping of fried chicken. I will either get thin like Dagwood or a construction crane will be needed to lift me out of my house so I can pose for a cover story for "Weekly World News" titled "800-Pound Man Wears Circus Tent for Pants!"

2) How is it that Elmo, a 5-year-old neighborhood kid, always pops in on Dagwood while he's taking a bath? Have these people never heard of door locks? Do Elmo's parents find it the least bit strange that a naked man is holding regular conversations with their son? Does Elmo even have parents? Are the police or the folks at Family Services aware of this situation?

3) Why don't the Bumsteads' kids ever grow up? Alexander was "born" in 1934 and Cookie in 1941 yet both remain teenagers. Any parents who had to live with teenagers for 50 or more years would have flung themselves off a bridge long ago. (This could account for Dagwood's eating disorder and Blondie's eerie normalcy.)

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4) Why do neither Dagwood nor the mailman, Mr. Beasley, show any long-term effects from their frequent, violent collisions? Both should be misshapen from their constantly broken and reset bones, and permanent head and spine injuries seem likely. At the very least, both should be suffering from chronic arthritis due to the daily pounding absorbed by their joints. We know that Mr. Beasley has good health insurance but what about Dagwood? It seems unlikely that that tightwad, Mr. Dithers, would spring for a decent medical plan.

5) Has anyone ever noticed that Mr. Beasley and Herb Woodley, Dagwood's neighbor, appear to be the same person? Is there some sort of secret-life thing going on here? Does Mr. Beasley have two families? We know that Dagwood's a bit dense, but even he should have figured out by now that something's fishy.

6) Who does Dagwood's hair and why hasn't he or she been arrested? I mean, we're talking criminal misuse of scissors and comb here. The flying wing may have worked in football 70 years ago, but as a hairstyle it's definitely a no-go. I say hire the "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" guys and give Dagwood a much-needed makeover. (Sorry, Dagwood, but the bow tie has to go, too.)

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.

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