Reality Check

Jewish World Review August 1, 2002 / 23 Menachem-Av, 5762

WAKE-UP, JEWS! | Although I am getting the news in Heaven, you, no doubt, remember me as "Ol' Blue Eyes from Hoboken."

My name is Francis Albert Sinatra and I used to sing all over the world. My Jewish lawyers and handlers approached me many years ago and suggested that I donate some of my songs' royalties toward the building of a student cafeteria in Jerusalem at the Hebrew University atop Mt. Scopus.

I remember well the day I arrived in Israel for the dedication. I had never given money to a university in Israel and this cafeteria would be serving kosher food for students from the Holy Land and around the globe. A Jerusalem cafeteria paid for by an Italian singer from Jersey who made his riches in Hollywood!

I had the thrill of a lifetime when I was escorted about the Hebrew University campus with those magnificent views of Jerusalem.

But these days, I am getting really worried for the Jews of the Jewish State. What I fail to grasp is why you Jews don't act more like us Italians.

Aside from those Godfather movies of my friends Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola, when we Italians were getting messed-around with in our neighborhoods, we knew how to take out our enemies and troublemakers.

When the bad guys tried to f--k us over in our own neighborhood, we knew how to fight back and destroy them. All we had were Mafia families and the goodfellas. There were no top-notch armies and tanks and airplanes!

How many nights during the last 22 months Up Here has my crooning been interrupted by the news that Jews are getting blown up and doing nothing about it?

I cannot understand why you Jews would allow in my donated cafeteria/restaurant college kids from the USA who braved their way to Israel for a six-week program at Hebrew University to be killed yesterday by those Arabs animals! Five Americans and other foreign students had their eyes and arms and legs blown to bits by the PLO terrorists. I know of two Israeli students who were to take their final exams next week and now have had their final day of life in my cafeteria --- massacred.

Wake up, my Jewish friends!

Arik Sharon, my compare, listen to me. If you cannot take care of your business of protecting Jews with Jews, I still have lots of friends in Little Italy who I can send a message to in their dreams. They will go after these Jew killers! They would consider it honorable work.

I have to go now. I will send a message to the lawyers and executors of my estate to send some more cash to rebuild my cafeteria/dining hall in the Jerusalem mountains.

In the meantime, I have been crying out these Ol' Blue Eyes all day because I see these kids' bodies in pieces from terrorists that you Jewish leaders have failed to knock-off and take-out.

I started singing before World War II, when the Nazis massacred Six Million of your people. I do not want my songs in 2002 to be sung after the next Holocaust.


  —   Frank Sinatra

as heard by Harvey Tannenbaum, a fan of Frank and the Italians and disgusted by the Jews who continue playing footsie.

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© 2002, Harvey Tannenbaum