Jewish World Review August 12, 1998 / 20 Menachem-Av, 5758
Rabbi Bunny Freedman |
Creating a world of kindness
By Yocheved Golani
SIX-YEAR-OLD SEBASTIAN MAINSTER DITTMAN of Southfield, Michigan
greeted the visitor at his door by pulling at his tie.
"I was expecting you," he told Rabbi Elchonon Bunim (Bunny) Freedman as he yanked the rabbi onto a couch. Climbing on top of him, he then said in a clear, pure voice: "I’m Sebastian. I’m the boss around here."
It was a Sholom
Aleichem (greeting) in capital letters.
Sebastian was dying from
an inoperable brain tumor. And Rabbi Freedman spent quality time with the youngster's family and
schoolmates as well as with Sebastian himself, who was well aware of his impending
death. The intervention helped people to come to grips with the development of the
inevitable overtones of the child’s dying process.
The little boy was happy to talk with orthodox Rabbi Bunny, as he is known in his
chaplaincy role with the Hospice of Michigan. It is a role that Rabbi Freedman fills with
dignity and the chesed (compassion) of a Torah-oriented Jew. Since 1992, he has headed
the Jewish Hospice Services division of Hospice of Michigan and Jewish Family Services,
providing a Jewish context of care for people with terminal illnesses.
Whether Rabbi Bunny is coursing down the freeways of Michigan to visit a bedridden
person or looking deeply into the eyes of dying Jews who are grateful for the compassion
he bestows in unqualified measure, his every concern is to help fill the remaining days and
hours of people who know they are dying with quality of life.
"Sebastian was very aware of dying. He talked about being with G-d, and still being with
mommy (and his brother), just in a different way..." Rabbi Freedman recalls. "He thought
he was going to another place. He didn’t understand, Boruch HaShem (Thank G-d), how
profound that separation would be." When the time came to die, the child exhibited no
discernible symptoms of rapid decline but asked to be taken to the hospital. "It was eerie,"
says the rabbi.
Part of Sebastian’s emotional mastery of his situation was a result of hospice work. The
Hospice of Michigan, like all hospice care, is dedicated to alleviating the fear and guilt of
everyone involved in the dying process, as well as helping them to cope with the
overwhelming sadness of imminent loss. Home care and institutional services are arranged
with the goals of respite for the emotional exhaustion of the friends and family members
whose loved one is dying, sometimes over a significant period of time. For Jewish Hospice
clients, appropriate resources such as Yiddish or Russian-speaking staff, relevant textual
materials, kosher food and social services are procured.
The greatest concern of hospice care is devoted to the person who is dying. Rabbi
Freedman explains, "The unit of care is holistic for the entire family, with the patient as the
center of concern. Physical, emotional, and spiritual concerns are addressed. Dying
Holocaust survivors have a peculiar set of needs that hospice meets with appropriate
sensitivity. Dying parents have other concerns, and so on. But before anyone chooses to be
a hospice client, there are universal concerns to address, also. The underlying fear about
hospice care is that there is an abandonment of treatment alternatives. This is not the case.
A typical hospice patient is one for whom there is no known medical cure and death is
inevitable. Once a hospice patient’s symptoms of restlessness and constant pain. are under
control there is often a greater desire to live. "Hospice is not about giving up, it is about
restoring quality to a life at its terminal stages," says Rabbi Friedman.
Referrals to the Hospice of Michigan can come from anyone and unlike other
institutionalized medical facilities, access is not restricted to doctor referrals. The hospice
raises funds for uninsured and low-income patients. Hospice is a type of care rather than a
place, so it doesn’t usually entail out-of-pocket costs because it is reimbursed by Medicare
and Medicaid, and private insurance. Hospice care includes medical and nursing care, and
social work services in which tears do not impede communication, they enhance it.
Medications, medical equipment and related supplies are also provided. Some patients
receive help with household chores and errands. Spiritual support and counseling are also
available, and that is where Rabbi Bunny fits into the scheme of death with dignity.
He joined Hospice of Michigan in 1992, transmitting the dictum of Rav Moshe Feinstein z"l
(as excerpted from Rabbi Moshe Tendler’s text, Care of the Critically Ill) that "best interest"
decisions must be made by the dying person, their family, their rabbinic guide, and their
doctor. Rabbi Freedman is careful to impart to potential clients and supporters of Jewish
Hospice care that "For those of us who are Halachically (Torah-observant Orthodox)
observant, it is enormously important that a rabbi be brought into the decision-making
process when we are caring for a terminally ill person. A Jewish Hospice not only allows for
this, it encourages the input of such an authority figure". The Jewish Hospice involvement
of Rabbis Yosef Stern and Meyer Scheinberg of Brooklyn, New York prompts their
observation that in the advent of a death that is treated with authentic Jewish compassion,
"it is not uncommon to see families bond and draw strength from each other". It is a time
when unparalleled fortitude and elevation of character can present themselves.
Rabbi Stern tells of an incident in which a highly respected woman from a prominent
Orthodox family died on the first day of Passover. "The bereaved family nevertheless
understood that the joy of the holiday is sacred. So the entire family stood around the
bedside of the deceased and sang Visomachto Bechogecho (a song of intense joy at cleaving
to G-d and His appointed times of holidays) with all their heart and soul. It is an image I
will never forget." Such is the height of character that can be reached when Halacha is
paramount in a person’s values and therefore is a guide for human conduct."
Rabbi Freedman insists, "The layman is all too familiar with the frequent scenario of
painful treatments applied in a pointless and depressing fashion in medical institutions.
People die, but they don’t have to die amidst false hope and unrelenting pain. There is a
way to die with dignity." It is the philosophy of Hospice care that anyone, Jews included,
has a right to decline futile care when a cure is not possible. It is standard procedure in
Jewish Hospice care that the family’s rabbi serves as their advocate and advisor to hospice
officials. This is a great relief to Orthodox clientele who follow strict guidelines in their
approach to the issues of mortality and medical intervention. It is also a relief for
non-Orthodox subscribers to Jewish hospice care.
An example of the devotion invested by the rabbi and the hospice movement in the care of
hospice patients is exemplified in the following story: Rabbi Freedman was called to the
bedside of a 45 year old woman at the endstage of a cancer that was inexorably killing her.
She had been on hospice care for the past four days, having been discharged that long ago
from a hospital that could do no more good for her. It was the mother of the dying woman
who had contacted Rabbi Freedman.
At the time of the call, Rabbi Freedman was about to leave town in a raging snowstorm.
He needed to reach the airport but changed his plans after hearing out the woman, whose
concern was twofold. On one hand, the mother wanted her daughter’s spiritual life tended
to as her physical life ended. On the other hand, the dying child had married a gentile and
had not lived Jewishly during her entire adulthood. Rabbi Freedman realized that if he
missed the opportunity to care for the spiritual needs of either woman, he would leave the
surviving mother embittered toward Judaism for the rest of her life. His absence would also
preclude any vestige of Jewish conduct for the spiritual welfare of the dying woman. He
opted to go to the bedside of the dying daughter, where he recited the confession of sins
that all Jews must say on the High Holidays and upon an impending death, the Viduy, and
also said Shema (the prayer acknowledging G-d's sovereignty) for the patient who had
already lapsed into a coma. He provided reading materials and personal guidance for the
mother so that she could observe her child’s death in a Jewish manner. The comatose
patient died the next day. Rabbi Freedman summarizes the experience by saying, "People
believe that it must be depressing for me to do my work. Far from it. It’s the ones where I
don’t make it that haunt me. The happiness and relief that people feel because I become
involved in their lives is immeasurable. But if I can’t help, it weighs on my heart. That’s
when my work hurts me." The loss of the airplane trip is one that the rabbi dismisses as a
worthwhile tradeoff.
Bunny Freedman’s full-time work includes close alliances with area rabbis from every
branch of Judaism. Jews who find themselves facing the end of their lives or the lives of
someone they love often want to deal with spiritual issues that they neglected in earlier
times. Jewish Hospice Services helps them to become familiarized with and to appreciate
the Jewish customs and traditions of death and mourning. This includes emotional support
after a person’s death. There are outreach programs to immigrants, children, the
developmentally handicapped, AIDS patients, Holocaust survivors, the indigent, and
residents in various residential or medical facilities.
The families of Jewish AIDS patients are additionally hurt by the shandeh (shame) factor,
Rabbi Freedman explains. "Sexually transmitted diseases are anathema in a culture which
prides itself on sexual morality. Hospice has to ease the fears of public exposure as well as
the sense of guilt and anger when dealing with a family whose loved one is dying of AIDS."
Husband and father to a family which is proud of his work, Rabbi Freedman feels that the
knowledge of an option such as hospice care can be a godsend for many individuals. And
Jewish Hospice care, which follows Halacha, can be a profound comfort not only to
Orthodox Jews in need, but also to any Jew in need.
In Hospice of Michigan, all the caregivers are educated in and oriented toward caring for
the special needs of Jewish patients. Michigan Hospice medical director Doctor John Finn is
a Christian of Irish ancestry who is astonishingly sensitive to the halachic (Jewish, Toraitic
laws of conduct) needs of Orthodox Jewish patients. He has read diligently on the subject
of the Jewish approach to death and dying. He goes out of his way to deal appropriately
with Jewish patients. He has traveled to Israel to consult with medical experts and ethicists,
and wants to set up a Jewish hospice there. Doctor Finn works hand in hand with Rabbi
Freedman and they have consulted with Doctor Fred Rosner, Director of Medicine at
Queens Hospital of New York. Doctor Rosner is a medical ethicist and helped to create the
community educational program in Michigan.
Rabbi Freedman has served as a consultant for other communities exploring the
possibilities for setting up Jewish hospice services in locations such as Baltimore, Maryland
and Manhattan, New York. Metropolitan Jewish Geriatric Center in Brooklyn, New York
and Van Dyke Hospital in Lakewood, New Jersey have already set up Jewish hospices
based on the Michigan model, with Rabbi Freedman’s assistance.
According to Keren Traub of the Gevuras Yarden Organization in Baltimore, the initial
proposal for this service has been made because the Baltimore Jewish community is one
with persons who could benefit from Jewish Hospice Services. Mrs. Chana Weinberg (wife
of the dean to world-famous Ner Israel Yeshiva in Baltimore) of Baltimore’s Bikur Cholim
(Aid to the Sick) Organization observes, "It is imperative that a dying person be treated with
utmost respect and accorded great dignity. A home setting is familiar and bound to be the
least disturbing to a patient, a person, who is dying. Hospice care is provided in that
familiar setting, and it is necessary." With the many fine medical institutions in the state of
Maryland, there is still a dearth of options for people who want a more compassionate
approach than the routinized, mechanized care for the dying that is to be found in the
average medical institution.
According to Larry Ziffer of Baltimore’s Associated Jewish Charities, Rabbi Freedman is a
consummate professional in the planning and execution of Jewish Hospice Care. A 1996
meeting between them has resulted in initial and strategic movements up to and including
February 1998, regarding the setting up of a local Jewish Hospice program. "The
atmosphere now is electric," Mr. Ziffer says. "We have specific goals and overwhelming
community and official response to the idea of hospice in this community. We are at the
penultimate stage of setting up Jewish Hospice Services in the image of Rabbi Freedman’s
model. We now need another Rabbi Freedman to handle a similar load of his 200 cases
annually, and to accomplish the good results that he achieves."
A major consideration for Jewish patients and the people who love them is the issue of
euthanasia. Sometimes referred to as "mercy killing", it is an undeniable affront to the
spirit, law, and practice of Judaism. Other medical practices such as DNR (Do Not
Resuscitate) orders, the denial of nutrients, experimental therapies, transplants, and such,
lead to confusion for laymen and to overwhelming questions that thus arise for them. In
the face of these alternatives, caregivers and loved ones who are already emotionally
drained by the patients’ suffering are in danger of losing their perspective. In conjunction
with the problems of Living Wills, a death during Shabbos or Yom Tov and the halachic
imperative for proper supervision of the body and its burial, there is a pressing need for
authentic Jewish guidance*. The issues can be dealt with individually, with specific
guidelines that are culled from Jewish Law. Rabbi Meyer Scheinberg of Brooklyn, New
York indicates that these "shailos (ethical/legal questions of Jewish Law) can and must be
dealt with according to Halacha." Just because a Jew makes the decision, it isn’t necessarily
a halachically compatible decision. "This is why authoritative guidance is necessary," Rabbi
Freedman observes.
Rabbi Freedman and the Hospice of Michigan can be reached by phone at (248)
443-7648, or by fax at (248) 559-4649. Their shared address is Suite 212 , 16250
Northland Drive, Southfield, Michigan 48075.
The Mishnah in Tractate Semachot 1:1 states: "One who is in a dying condition is regarded
as a living person in all respects." It further enumerates prohibited acts upon the dead
body, such as attempts to prevent putrefaction. Rashi, Judaism's foremost commentator, observes that nothing may be done
to hasten death. "...Whoever closes the eyes of the dying...is shedding blood," he writes. "One should
wait awhile; perhaps he is only in a swoon." Tractate Shabbes 151b of the Babylonian
Talmud forthrightly specifies "He who closes the eyes of a dying person while the soul is
departing is a murderer." These and other teachings have implications in all aspects of the
care afforded to the dying
New JWR contributor Yocheved Golani is a Baltimore-based writer. She can be reached at: Golani@Juno.com