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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

State of the Reunion

By Jim Mullen




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | "Katy! It's been so long! How've you been?"

My G0D, she's gained so much weight I didn't recognize her. It's a good thing we're all wearing nametags. I thought it was some distant cousin past due with triplets.

"Bob! Long time, no see."

No hair, either. Not a single hair left on his head and he's 10 years younger than I am. He's a cousin. Does that mean baldness runs in the family? Or can you catch it? I know there are many, many men who look manly with no hair, and a lot of men shave it now, but Bob is not one of them. He looks like a shifty accountant. Even with hair, he would look shifty, now that I think about it. If he asks me who's doing my taxes, I'll make up a name. If I tell him I do my own, he'll tell me how foolish I am, that he could save me thousands. Then I'd have to admit that I don't make thousands. All my aunts and uncles and cousins would know it in a heartbeat.

"Aunt Betty! It's been too long." It's Bob's mom. She's obviously had something done to her face. Not a facelift -- there's not a crane big enough to lift that thing -- but a little work around the eyes, maybe some botox in her forehead, a little collagen in her lips. She's 65, and her hair is jet-black and stuck to her head like a batting helmet. It's like seeing Betty Boop's hair on Ma Kettle's head. She asks if Bob has done my taxes.

"No? You should use him. He saved me so much that I had a little work done."

"Really? You don't look a day over 50."

"What's that got to do with my new kitchen cabinets?"

"Uh, I'm going to go get a beer. Can I get you something?"

"Still drinking?"

"Only at family reunions. Who says I've been drinking?"

"Oh, no one. We all just feel so sorry for Sue."

I wander off to look for Sue, and find her with cousin Jenny and her new baby.

"Isn't this the cutest child you've ever seen?" she says. Obviously, Sue was being polite. Rosemary's baby would win a beauty contest against this child. Of course, you can't say that. You have to be polite. But honest.

"I haven't seen that many babies," I say, "but I'll take your word for it."

Jenny gives us a sad look and says, "It's such a shame that you two never had children."

"It is," Sue says. "We had to spend that $180,000 it takes to raise a child until they're 18 on ourselves. And we have no one to put through college, so we wasted the money on a pontoon boat and a place at the lake. But thanks for saying that. I'm so glad we get together as a family every few years." That was a little harsh, I thought, but sometimes relatives can get on your nerves.



"You ready to go?" I ask her.

"We've only been here 20 minutes."

"It seems longer. So much longer. And everybody seems to think I have a drinking problem."

"Oh, that was me. I've already had two margaritas, so I told them not to give you anything to drink. You're the designated driver tonight. I guess I could have phrased it differently."

"And we wonder how rumors get started. Be sure to mention that at the intervention. And try not to slur your words too much."

"Yesh, shir." She makes a mock salute and walks off. Of course she's having fun.

It's not her family.

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Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."




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