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Jewish World Review July 4, 2012/ 14 Tamuz, 5772 Library Idol Worship By Alan Douglas http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Is the United States of America headed down the toilet? I didn't think so, until I went to the library this morning. My newly renovated library has convinced me to convert my IRA to cash and buy emergency foodstuffs for the coming Armageddon. Like many of you, since childhood, libraries have been magical places for me, filled with adventure and wisdom; but not anymore. In the midst of one of the worst messes in American history, my library has become a symbol of all that is unholy. I am not an opponent to change. The drastically reduced number of books and the increase in video, computers and other media in the library is understandable. We are all coping with the transition to new media so I can live with that. The newly designated areas that segregate us by age rile me, but I can live with that also. The library has "lounge" areas for a teens' club, for children, and in vitro library card holders; each area has its own librarian to be sensitive to the specialized needs of their audience. When we want a pluralistic, multicultural, diverse, gender neutral society why not separate everyone by age under the guise of sensitivity. So, the teens gather in their area, free to conspire how to evade parental authority and slaves to raging hormones while the children romp around in their area, chewing on books, while the remainder of the adults cower back in the stacks. No more Walton family gatherings where young and old converge; live together, and learn from each other. But, I can live with that. During the Great Depression all government workers, happy to have a job, accepted a 15% cut in their compensation. Yippppes!!! This across the board salary cut didn't have exceptions; it included politically sacred cows such as law enforcement, judges, the military, teachers, nurses, and those who belonged to public unions. Today, with a bigger deficient, we don't discuss higher taxes AND budget cuts, we talk of control sometime in the future. But as Peggy Noonan warned, "Down the road there will be fewer contracts in which you work for say, 23 years for a city, then retire with full salary and free health care for the rest of your life-paid for by taxpayers who cannot afford such plans for themselves, and who sometimes have no pension at all." The newly renovated library has marble bathrooms, new wood paneled meeting rooms and new fancy furniture that few library card holders could afford. There was nothing functional wrong or obsolete with the old bathrooms, or the furniture, or the walls. Thanks to a bond offering and federal funding, we spent money making our library exquisite and expensive. Waste and opulence in the face of a fiscal crisis by both liberals and conservatives is really stupid. But, I can live with that. What I can't live with is the parking space situation at my newly renovated library. I pulled into the parking lot of the new media temple formerly known as a library, in my two decades old beloved automobile. The same three handicap spaces were there in front of the library, the one space for law enforcement and library vehicles had disappeared, and all the remaining parking spaces in front were marked, "LE-FE ONLY." Despite my years of watching Jeopardy and my vast mental database of trivia and useless information I was flummoxed. Walking into the library's new multimedia lobby (all the free print publications from local papers had been banished) one of the high definition screens prompted me to learn about the virtues of the new library. My friendly screen told me that the prime parking spaces were now reserved, not for mothers with babies, not for the disabled, not for veterans, nor for law enforcement, but were especially for those leasing or making car payments on automobiles that are, Low Emitting Fuel Efficient. If you read Consumer Reports or know how to use a calculator it is clear that owning a LEFE car is not cost effective, even at historically high gas prices. You own one of these expensive, and sometime explosive, cars to make a statement. There can be an advantage where commuter lanes are reserved for LEFE cars, as if that is the same as carpooling. I understand what the library is telling me: "People who have high disposable income, are slaves to political correctness, and want to spend money foolishly, are now entitled to premium parking spaces." Darwin would laugh at the American folly of having our best capitalized, citizens who are the weakest willed, and have the least skilled financial intelligence, awarded these prime parking spaces. But wait, if you think I've gotten carried away-there's more. My friendly screen in the multimedia library went on to tell me that in addition to the LEFE parking spaces there were ten secure places for people to park the bikes they ride to the library AND a fancy new shower facility had been installed for the sweaty biker commuters. You can laud these environmental patriots who are commuting using bikes, not me. While the rest of us in the private sector are facing a financial crisis, I see government and not for profits bemoaning their fate, and building expensive new showers for bike riders. Don't tell Peggy Noonan about this. Still think I'm nuts? The new biker showers are NOT just for any bike riders. The only bike riders authorized to use the new shower facilities at my library are- librarians. The new showers are not available to taxpayers; they are only for use by government workers. I was curious enough to ask the manager at the library how many of his staff bike to work, using the bike spaces, and the new shower facility. He told me these new innovations had "great potential." I asked again, more pointedly, "How many of you are biking to work?" "None" he replied. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. JWR contributor, Alan Douglas, an author, media executive, award winning screenwriter (not produced), and attorney, lives con brio- except when he is grumpy. Previously: Holocaust Survivor, Museum Founder, Fired by Phone Florida Attorneys to Shake Hands with the Devil Holiday for the fallen and failed Black History Month, Politics, and the Ice Cream Scoop Friends With Benefits Pilgrimages Moneyball, Economics and Medicine Justice, My Aunt, and Gretsky Hurricanes, Earthquakes and Home Depot Glenn Beck, Norway, Hitler and Me D Day: The Ripple Effect What are you paying for? Law, Etiquette and 5 Rules Inspiration Confusing Kindness with Weakness When Katie Couric Got Pulled Off the Air… Don't second guess the deceased Pain and legacies Being in the No The Sixth Sense Dogs in Danger Facebook, LinkedIn and the Zuckerberg Exit Simon Bolivar Would Tell Glenn Beck to, ‘Put A Sock In It’ Children and Grandchildren Swearing, Shoes, and Mark Twain How my poor man's Porsche, Virgil, prepared me for life Leases and Landing Gear The Oscars, Obama and Job Creation Damages and Penalties Obstacles with Impossibilities Making Others Feel Bad Referrals and Recommendations Woodpecker Frustration Phrases, Not Resolutions I Was A Crime Fighter and Super Hero Comforting with Sympathizing Nautical Worry Killers Can You Keep A Secret? Holiday Card Hazards Gifts Sharing, Transparency and Dumping Red Alert Readers Respond Regarding Rabbi Readers: I Need Your Help with my Rabbi Humphrey Bogart and P. T. Barnum on Fighting with Family and Friends Columbus, Honors and Hound Dogs The Free Lunch When your child suffers Conversational Transmitted Diseases Conservative, Liberal or American Paris, Antarctica and Shopping Personal Protection Dispute Resolution Jumped or Pushed? Friends and Acquaintances Revenge and Vindication © 2010 Alan Douglas

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