Jewish World Review July 28, 2010 / 17 Menachem-Av, 5770
No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
By John Kass
After closing arguments Monday, the fate of former Gov.
If you're betting on what tape jurors would most like to hear during deliberations, go with the one where Blago expresses his feelings about the voters (who make up federal juries).
"I (bleeping) busted my ass. I gave your (bleeping) baby health care. … What do I get for that? Only 13 percent of you think I'm doing a good job, so (bleep) all of you," he said on federal tape.
Rewind. Play again. Rewind. Play again. Has the jury reached a verdict?
Though Dead Meat's fate is undecided, the least we can do is pick some winners and losers out of this.
Big winner. Picture the leader of the
He hears the news that Blagojevich has rested his case and won't testify or call any witnesses.
And that's when — in my purely fictional mental tableau of the president waiting for Bo to do business on the lawn — Obama fishes into his pocket for a smoke and lights up.
Our president takes a big drag, exhales with a satisfied sigh. Ahhhhh.
Why is our president satisfied?
Because with Blago cutting short his defense,
As a lawyer, Obama would know that without a defense case, there's no way that the president's old real estate fairy,
"My man," he says, thinking of Dead Meat, as he looks to the west, toward
Then he and Rahm enjoy some celebratory mojitos in the
Daley is a winner, too. With reporters so consumed with the Blagojevich psychodrama, Daley didn't get enough credit for a singular accomplishment: His former Streets and Sanitation commissioner,
Sanchez was the boss of the mayoral patronage army called the
After the verdict last week, prosecutors reportedly declared the federal investigations into
So if you're out of work, you might want to bring your job applications back downtown with a little note from some hack proving that you're not some nobody nobody sent.
Junior G-Man might not be a big winner, but he is the luckiest politician in town.
Jackson Jr. wanted the
When it was learned in 2008 that mysterious businessmen were willing to spend great amounts of moolah to persuade Dead Meat to appoint Jackson, the
But just a couple of weeks ago, out of the jury's earshot, federal prosecutors told U.S. District Judge
Oops! Jackson once convinced a few gullible TV reporters that he was working undercover to help fight corruption as Junior G-Man. But after the restaurant story, he had some explaining to do.
Jackson revised his old "not a target" statement to the more nuanced, "I have never been advised that I am a target of this investigation."
Advised. Get it?
The way things look now, Jackson Jr. has skipped past the graveyard. He never had any sit-down with Blagojevich to talk about the
"He's a bad guy," Blagojevich said about Jackson on federal tape. "He's really not the guy I hoped or thought he was. He's really bad."
Weird. That's exactly what jurors might be saying about Blagojevich in a few days.
As far as Jackson goes, there's one thing you can say. He's lucky. Very lucky. He should leave politics and go to Vegas.
When governors learn the truth, they either quiver like Jell-O or resign themselves to cutting ribbons. A few end up going to prison. Here's the truth: Power in
Madigan controls tax policy and has a lucrative law practice reducing taxes for wealthy real estate interests. He's made fortunes while staying under the radar. So in the fetid world of
Madigan loathed Blago for years. Now he gets to watch Dead Meat twitch.
Journalists across the universe
We're not winners, we're big bleeping losers. Why? Blago didn't testify.
And we wanted to see some Dead Meat talking, under oath.
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John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.
© 2008, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.