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May 24, 2012
Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
A real bear amid the Cubs
By
Chris Erskine
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
n our last installment, the Cub Scouts of Pack 515 had deployed to Camp Snore-a-Lot in the mountains above Monrovia. In the middle of the night, a bear wandered into camp — a little black bear, not a grizzly. We ran the grizzlies out of these parts long ago, in much the same way we rid ourselves of a vibrant middle class. SoCal no longer proved affordable.
Anyway, I'm in this big tent I bought at Sports Chalet a million years ago. During the Civil War, it had been used by Confederate officers to play gin rummy, so it's not like it's that old. But, like me, it's been stitched together more than once.
When I finally crash for the evening, after a contraband beer with Joe and Ted, I look out over the camp to see the tents, all pregnant with the gasping snores of the Cub Scout dads. Wheeeeez-zzzzzzzzz. Wheeeeez-zzzzzzzzz. One dude, I think, inhaled a picnic table.
It's no wonder the black bear awakened. Who could hibernate with that kind of roar? At Camp Snore-a-Lot, the dads sleep at night and the bears sleep by day. Just tradition.
So, it's amazing I can even hear the bear rooting around in the garbage. He is relatively quiet, not what you'd expect. Most of what I know about bear behavior comes from watching cheesy '60s-era cartoons. In fact, most of what I know about human behavior comes from '60s-era cartoons. So far, this cursory knowledge of things has served me pretty well.
Now, a few things race through my head as I hear the bear outside our tent door. First, that I haven't even cast my all-star ballot yet, as I mentioned last week. Under the new online system, you can vote up to 25 times, much like in a Chicago mayoral election. It is good to see the rest of the country begin to think so progressively.
I also reflect on the fact that no one understands our sprinkler system the way I do. If I die, they'd have to bring in a team of Caltech whiz kids to figure out the controller. They'd fiddle with it for days, curse a couple of times and stalk off. It would rattle their faith in science itself. Several of them would give it all up to become poets instead, and the world can barely sustain any more of those.
So there's a lot at stake as this bear closes in.
How do I know it's a bear? I just know. Raccoons tend to chatter and make lots of noise. Hobos smell like box wine. Debutantes smell like croissants. No, this intruder is a bear.
At the campfire meeting earlier that evening, the Scout leaders warned us to stash our food in the cars (we did) and our garbage in the dumpster (which we forgot). Soon, our campsite has the aroma of a freshman dorm. It smells of stale underwear and aerosol cheese.
We're up near Monrovia, as I mentioned, which is a popular retreat for black bears. They like to lounge in the backyard pools and Jacuzzis of that nice little suburb, and when the mood hits them, they wander up into the mountains like this to remember their roots.
Because 7-year-olds rarely finish a meal unless it comes with a toy, there is plenty of grub for the bear, which makes it unlikely that the bear would, for example, decide to eat us.
Still, I wonder if tents should include a bear escape hatch. For instance, if the bear came through the front door of the tent, where would you go? From the videos I've seen, bears' heads tend to bob and weave (Stevie Wonder comes to mind), and I doubt you could skirt past them.
So, I sit in the sleeping bag, barely breathing, listening to the snoring from the other tents and the bear rooting through the garbage. If we were at home, there would be weapons aplenty — plastic pirate swords, battery-operated light sabers, foam nunchucks. To a 7-year-old, the Earth was made by Nerf.
Just when I conclude there is no hope and our garbage is gone forever, my buddy Charlie comes out of his adjacent tent and shakes his car keys at the bear. I don't know what the bear thought at this particular moment. "Perhaps he's giving me his Lexus?" the bear probably wondered. "Or maybe he just wants me to park it for him."
In any case, bears hate confusion. Like us, all they want is a little clarity in their lives. Rather than deal with some Lebanese dude shaking his car keys and yelling, the bear decides to flee Camp Snore-a-Lot.
"OK, back to the 'burbs," the bear probably thought. "It's too scary up here."
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Comment by clicking here.
Previously:
In the first grade, life bubbles over
Take my one-liners, please
Just point the way and we'll march
An enchanted diorama in the 'burbs
America's next top Mama
Fires and gas leaks aside, we're just swell
Woozy on the lido deck of life
He's tickled to visit the doctor
A treat that could eat you
Making sense of March Madness
Save the queen, from Biden's motorcade
His daughter's becoming an adult, but is that a good thing?
Thin mints and fungo bats
You must be this tall to enter the ark
© 2010, Los Angeles Times Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services
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