Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 25, 2010 / 27 Tamuz 5770

Whitewashing happy ever after

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The way Tom Sawyer weaseled his way out of whitewashing Aunt Polly's fence was pure genius. My admiration for the kid grows every time we have to paint our fence. That would be the white picket fence that was so charming when we bought this house years ago and had no idea what lower back pain maintaining charm would require.

Sweat is dripping down my face, my paintbrush hand is cramping and I just flicked paint into my right eye.

It's like that age-old question, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there, does it still make a sound? If a painter sweats in the heat and humidity and nobody is there, does the painter still complain?

This painting job went a lot faster when the kids were home and we paid them 25 cents a picket. We told them we'd pay them again if they'd come help paint, but a quarter doesn't excite them like it used to.

Tom Sawyer didn't pay anybody to paint. He didn't even offer a bribe. It was an all-out con. Tom persuaded his friends they were privileged to do the work, talked one of them out of a prized marble, and then took the day off. If ever a young man was on the fast track to management, it was Tom.

Of course, that same scenario would have a different twist today. Why? Because today Tom would have a cell phone. He would message every person in his contact list and generate a flash mob to do the painting.

Technology would change a lot of the classics.

Red Riding Hood wouldn't stop to talk to the wolf because Red wouldn't be allowed to walk alone. Today if Red wanted to go somewhere, her mother would drive her. Besides, the kid wouldn't take homemade food in a picnic basket to Grandma, she'd pick up take-out.

The three little pigs would have had a different outcome as well. Each of the pigs would have an ADT Home Security System. "Tell me where the intruder is now. He's by your front door? And you say he's huffing and puffing? And he has terrible breath? OK, don't hang up the phone."

Hansel and Gretel wouldn't lose their way in the woods; they'd have a GPS with audio navigation. "In 20 feet, turn right. Turn right. Recalculating."

Romeo and Juliet would skip the lengthy soliloquies; they would text.

Juliet: Romeo, O Romeo, where art thou?

Romeo: At the pub. U?

Cinderella would save the prince days searching the kingdom for the foot that would fit the glass slipper. She would whisper her name to him and then scream "Facebook me!" as she ran from the dance floor. And when her coach turned back into a pumpkin she wouldn't panic; she'd have OnStar, the vehicle safety, navigation and communication system. "Stay calm. Help is on the way. And where is it you last saw the slipper?"

There are very few areas of life technology hasn't revolutionized. Unfortunately, painting an old picket fence isn't one of them.

If you follow me on Twitter and get a tweet, bring a brush, we have plenty of paint.


Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

ARCHIVES

© 2009, Lori Borgman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles