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The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak:
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May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage:
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May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
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Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
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May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
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April 29, 2013
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April 24, 2013
Jewish World Review
June 25, 2010
/ 27 Tamuz 5770
Whitewashing happy ever after
The way Tom Sawyer weaseled his way out of whitewashing Aunt Polly's fence was pure genius. My admiration for the kid grows every time we have to paint our fence. That would be the white picket fence that was so charming when we bought this house years ago and had no idea what lower back pain maintaining charm would require.
Sweat is dripping down my face, my paintbrush hand is cramping and I just flicked paint into my right eye.
It's like that age-old question, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there, does it still make a sound? If a painter sweats in the heat and humidity and nobody is there, does the painter still complain?
This painting job went a lot faster when the kids were home and we paid them 25 cents a picket. We told them we'd pay them again if they'd come help paint, but a quarter doesn't excite them like it used to.
Tom Sawyer didn't pay anybody to paint. He didn't even offer a bribe. It was an all-out con. Tom persuaded his friends they were privileged to do the work, talked one of them out of a prized marble, and then took the day off. If ever a young man was on the fast track to management, it was Tom.
Of course, that same scenario would have a different twist today. Why? Because today Tom would have a cell phone. He would message every person in his contact list and generate a flash mob to do the painting.
Technology would change a lot of the classics.
Red Riding Hood wouldn't stop to talk to the wolf because Red wouldn't be allowed to walk alone. Today if Red wanted to go somewhere, her mother would drive her. Besides, the kid wouldn't take homemade food in a picnic basket to Grandma, she'd pick up take-out.
The three little pigs would have had a different outcome as well. Each of the pigs would have an ADT Home Security System. "Tell me where the intruder is now. He's by your front door? And you say he's huffing and puffing? And he has terrible breath? OK, don't hang up the phone."
Hansel and Gretel wouldn't lose their way in the woods; they'd have a GPS with audio navigation. "In 20 feet, turn right. Turn right. Recalculating."
Romeo and Juliet would skip the lengthy soliloquies; they would text.
Juliet: Romeo, O Romeo, where art thou?
Romeo: At the pub. U?
Cinderella would save the prince days searching the kingdom for the foot that would fit the glass slipper. She would whisper her name to him and then scream "Facebook me!" as she ran from the dance floor. And when her coach turned back into a pumpkin she wouldn't panic; she'd have OnStar, the vehicle safety, navigation and communication system. "Stay calm. Help is on the way. And where is it you last saw the slipper?"
There are very few areas of life technology hasn't revolutionized. Unfortunately, painting an old picket fence isn't one of them.
If you follow me on Twitter and get a tweet, bring a brush, we have plenty of paint.
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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.
© 2009, Lori Borgman
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