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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 28, 2006 / 3 Menachem-Av, 5766

Ain't That a Shame? This would-be rocker has an uncool name

By Gene Weingarten


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Got a press release from a guy in New York who was offering a lot of money for something really unusual. Instantly, I sprang into action. I called a number in Louisiana.


Me: Hi. Are you Fats Domino's manager?


Reggie Hall: Manager and brother-in-law. Fats is married to my sister.


Me: Okay. Well, I have a proposition. There's a very rich man who wants to become a rock star, but his name is not cool. It's a Jewish name, and Jewish names are not cool. So this guy wants a cool rock star name, and he is willing to pay $25,000 to the person who comes up with the best name for him.


Reggie: Okay.


Me: It occurred to me that the coolest music name in the world is Fats Domino.


Reggie: It is!


Me: So, my idea is, maybe Fats will sell this guy his name for $25,000.


Reggie:


Me: I heard Fats lost his house to Hurricane Katrina, so I thought maybe he could use the money.


Reggie: Fats not gonna do that. He's not gonna let nobody use his name. Nuh-uh. No, indeed. Not for no $25,000, he's not. Fats is a legend. Lawd, if he did that, be the dumbest thing he ever done in his life.


Me: So I can take that as a no?


Reggie: Yes, you can. But the man can have my name for one thousand.


Me: Your name?


Reggie: He can have Reggie. Reggie Hall.


Me:


Reggie: Okay, you got a better idea for a name?


Me: Well, I was thinking "Franklin Delano Hitler."


Reggie: Who came up with that, you?


Me: Yeah.


Reggie: I thought so.


Me:


Reggie: Man get killed, name like that! Someone be killing that man for sure.


Me: Here's another one I thought of. Antowayne "Ice" Jackson.


Reggie: What?


Me: Antowayne "Ice" Jackson.


Reggie:


Me: Just an idea.


Reggie: Let me tell you something. Ain't the name, it's the person. Ray Charles, Elvis Presley, they're cool names. Their names became cool names because of who they are. Johnny Cash is a cool name. You know what I'm sayin'?


Me: Yeah, but I don't think this guy's cool. How did Fats get his name?


Reggie: Fats? Well he was born Antoine Domino. Antoine Domino isn't cool. This guy named Billy Diamond called him Fats, 'cause at that time he was real fat.


Me: Makes sense.


Reggie: Sure does.


Me: I don't think this guy is fat, though.


Reggie: Okay, I got a name for him.


Me: Shoot.


Reggie: The Rockin' Jew.


Me: That's not bad.


Reggie: What's his first name?


Me: Aaron. Aaron Schwarz.


Reggie: So he could be "Aaron, the Rockin' Jew." That's cool.


Me: I don't know.


Reggie: You tell him, he got to be original. To be cool, you got to be original. I wrote a little song some years ago, maybe you heard of it. It was successful because it had an original, cool name. It was called "You Talk Too Much."


Me: You wrote that song?


Reggie: Yep.


Me: I love that song.


Reggie: Still gettin' royalties, since the 1960s.


Me: You talk too much / You worry me to death / You talk too much / You even worry my pet.


Reggie: Cool, right?


Me: Very cool. I'm not feeling very cool right now, talking to you. I came up with some other names for this guy, but now I don't know . . .


Reggie: Go ahead.


Me: Johnny B. Somewhat Disagreeable. Sid Grumpy. Sandy Koufax III.


Reggie: I don't think he needs your help, man. I got to say that.


Aaron Schwarz's Web site is www.givemeaname.com

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.


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