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Sept. 5, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: What does 'doing the right thing' entail?

Caroline B. Glick: The master strategist

Sept. 4, 2008

Ron Kampeas: Biden, Palin take lead in clash on Mideast issues

Bruce Dancis: With humor as their weapon, the Three Stooges took on Hitler

Sept. 3, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: Productive school years don't just happen

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Quick lamb stew serves up flavors of India

Sept. 2, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Costly Advice

Caroline B. Glick: Calling Israel's bluff

JWisdom: Wandering in Wonder by Rabbi Mordechai Becher

August 29, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: 20/20 sightlessness

Caroline B. Glick: When history is not repeated

JWisdom: Blessed or Cursed: It's Really Up to You by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 28, 2008

Steve Lipman: A Comeback for the 'Jewish Jordan'

Jeffrey Weiss: Researcher reports 'intriguing' diabetes breakthrough

August 27, 2008

Rabbi Zecharya Greenwald: Removing the perfectionist's mask

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Nunn: Summer harvest linguine

JWisdom:: The Missing Link in Spiritual Life by Rabbi David Aaron

August 26, 2008

Yaffa Ganz: Grandma gets lessons in staying cool

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: The Dems' 'soft' jihadist

JWisdom:: Today: Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith by Rabbi Nosson Scherman: Plague of indifference

August 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Q: A friend is bearing a silly grudge from a supposed wrong. What recourse do I have?

Daniel Pipes: Barack Obama through Muslim Eyes

JWisdom:: The knowledge you need to overcome your insecurities by Malka Schulman

August 22, 2008

Rabbi Berel Wein: Life's essential ingredient

Caroline B. Glick: Dominos anyone?

JWisdom:: Actually, Do Sweat the Small Stuff! by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 21, 2008

Today in Biblical History by Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Popularization of Kabbalah: 20 Menachem-Av 1558 CE

Jonathan Rosenblum: Lessons from the Beyond

JWisdom: : The Olympian within is rooting for you -- yes, you! –- to go for the gold

August 20, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Misleading Platform Platitudes

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Chicken Salad with Asian Dressing

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: America's Defense of the Jews --- Until WWII by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

August 19, 2008

Dennis Prager: If the Almighty doesn't exist

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Obama's Islamist problem has nothing to do with his upbringing

JWisdom: Think your life is messed up? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 18, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Business with Friends

Diana West: Roars About Russia, Bare Whispers About Islam

JWisdom: Relationship agony: The real cause by Malka Schulman

August 15, 2008

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: To love the Divine

Caroline B. Glick: Georgia, Israel, and the nature of man

JWisdom: The Truly Righteous Don't Demand Entitlements by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 14, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Confessions of broken spirit

Libby Lazewnik: The Numbers Game

JWisdom: Six Questions You'll Be Asked in Heaven? - Uh - Let's Just Take One for Now! by Gavriel Aryeh Sanders

August 13, 2008

Jonathan Tobin: Georgia should be on their minds

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: Go Greek: Pair flavorful lamb kebabs with a hearty salad

JWisdom: Human hybrids aren't science fiction by Rabbi David Aaron

August 12, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bless us

Daniel Pipes: The West's Islamist Infiltrators

JWisdom: From Sadness to Gladness: The Route from Tisha b'Av to Rosh Hashana by Rabbi Mordechai Becher

August 11, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: A Jewish view on fair pricing

Caroline B. Glick: Ignoring failure in Gaza

JWisdom: 'Communication' Is Not The Answer! by Malka Schulman

August 7, 2008

Rabbi David Gutterman: A Continuing Story With a Sustaining Goal

Rabbi Berel Wein: Mourning and morning

JWisdom: Yes, we are still in exile by Rabbi Sroy Levitansky

August 6, 2008

David Ashenfelter: Government made military engineer's life a living hell because of his faith, Defense Department report documents

Jonathan Tobin: Speak the Truth; Defeat the Lies

JWisdom: Jewish Spirituality: Fusion or Confusion? by Rabbi David Aaron

August 5, 2008

Chris Leppek: Church/state wall beginning to crumble?

Paul Greenberg: Exit Olmert (no encore, please)

JWisdom: Serenity: Make the commitment by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Read by Gavriel Sanders)

August 4, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Am I taking advantage of another's psychological quirk?

Andrew Silow-Carroll: A black and a Jew walk into the White House…

JWisdom: The Holocaust in the Perspective of Faith: Edward R. Morrow visits the ‘living dead’ by Rabbi Nosson Scherman

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review July 19, 2006 / 23 Tamuz, 5766

Just Singing in the Brain

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head that you just could not get rid of, no matter how hard you tried? What a stupid question — of course you have. Everyone has. Right now there's probably a Buddhist monk sitting alone on a Tibetan mountaintop trying to remember his mantra, but instead his brain stubbornly keeps bombarding him with the lyrics to "Who Let The Dogs Out?"


Experts refer to this phenomenon as "Stuck Song Syndrome." The songs themselves are often called "earworms," named for a parasitic type of invertebrate that been known to burrow into a sleeping person's ear and begin singing the Beach Boys' hit, "Help Me, Rhonda."


If nothing else, this syndrome proves that the brain is not just a benign organ that exists solely to do its owner's bidding. Oh sure, the brain can come in handy, like when you need to come up with an excuse to tell your boss why you're late to work for the third time this week (and it's only Wednesday), or for playing along at home while watching Wheel of Fortune.


But the fact is that brain can be a real jerk too. Otherwise, why would it wake you up in the middle of the night just to remind you about the time you were so happy when all your eighth grade classmates cheered your campaign speech for student council - until you realized they were only applauding because you had a stream of toilet paper longer than the train on Princess Diana's wedding dress trailing out of the back of your jeans? It sure didn't help that for the rest of the year every time you walked into the room your classmates and the teacher would launch into a round of "Here Comes the Bride."


Stuck Song Syndrome may just be the brain's way of punishing us for all those terrible sitcoms we forced it to sit through. You think it's a coincidence that one of the most common earworms is the theme from Gilligan's Island?


I asked James Kellaris, a University of Cincinnati marketing professor and the world's leading expert on earworms, what possible evolutionary advantage might arise from having brains that drive us crazy by replaying the same tune in our heads.


"One might speculate that it is our subconscious trying to convey a message, as in the case of an atheist who gets a hymn stuck in his head," Kellaris says. "But that doesn't explain why the rest of us are going around repeatedly singing 'Do Wah Diddy' to ourselves."


The worst earworm I ever suffered was "Runaround Sue" by the 1950s-era crooner Dion. This is a perfectly harmless tune stressing the importance of monogamy — a critical message for teens in an era when you never knew what disease you might pick up at a sock hop or from the bathroom at the local soda jerk. At least I used to think Runaround Sue was harmless — until I had to spend upwards of a week listening to Dion's warning that, "she gooooes…out with other guys" rattling around my brain on perpetual repeat.


Desperate for relief, I tried getting a hold of Dion himself, to see if he'd ever discovered how to "keep away from a-Runaround Sue." It seemed the least he could do after all the suffering he'd caused me. Sadly, Dion's burly security detail didn't see it that way. On the bright side, the earworm finally went away on its own, coincidentally on the same day the restraining order went into effect.


I asked Professor Kellaris whether it's possible to get rid of an earworm by passing it off onto someone else. My friend Elizabeth, whose identity I will protect by not mentioning her last name, Longstreth, claims to have achieved tremendous results by walking by coworkers' desks and softly singing, "My name is Luka. I live on the second floor." Of course, Elizabeth does this even when she's not suffering from an earworm, so I only mention it to demonstrate what a malicious person she is.


Professor Kellaris says that while some people swear by this "Tag - you're it!" strategy, no sure-fire solution to Stuck Song Syndrome exists. However, under direct questioning he pointedly refused to deny that he has, in fact, discovered a cure that he jealously guards to protect all his federal funding. True, he did say that he doesn't receive any federal funding. But isn't that exactly what you'd say if you were participating in a top secret Defense Department project to win the War on Terror?


Farfetched, you think? Maybe. But can you imagine if we had the power to permanently embed every potential terrorist's brain with devastating earworms like "Mandy," "Ice, Ice Baby" and "Wind Beneath My Wings?" Wouldn't that be great? Now that's what I'd call letting the dogs out.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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