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Jewish World Review July 27, 2005 / 20 Tammuz, 5765 Show me time; I'll show you how to waste it By David Grimes
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
According to a new study, workers from Missouri spend more time goofing off than anyone else.
Research by www.salary.com reveals that Missouri workers waste 3.2 hours a day, costing employers $28.1 billion in productivity each year.
The study does not attempt to explain why Missourians waste more time at work than folks in other states, but it is my personal opinion that people there spend a lot of their day staring into space, wondering why Missouri is called the "Show Me State." (Perhaps it means, "Show Me Why I Should Stop Playing Computer Solitaire and Get Back to Inventorying Widgets.")
Once word gets out that Missouri employees spend 3.2 hours a day visiting chat rooms and wandering aimlessly around the office holding an empty coffee cup, job applications will come flooding in as people in other parts of the country seek the opportunity to loaf in a more structured, institutionalized manner.
Obviously, this is a huge missed opportunity for Florida, where workers currently waste only a pathetic 2.2 hours a day (Our slothfulness does drag the state's economy down by $44.4 billion a year, however, so it's not like we're not trying.).
Even more alarming, the 2.2 hours of wasted time a day ties us with North Dakota, which has only 3 full-time employees and a temp, whose job it is to hand-crank the telephones.
Clearly, we Floridians need to polish our loafing skills if we are to compete with Missouri and other hotbeds of sluggishness like Indiana (2.8 hours) and Kentucky (2.8 hours). Filling a single additional hour of the day with non-work should not be that difficult.
As someone who has made a career, such as it is, out of wasting time, I would be happy to share some of my secrets:
1) Watch The Weather Channel. Now that the hurricane season is fully upon us, it would be almost irresponsible to spend fewer than 3 hours a day huddled around a TV set, watching yellow and red blobs of color drifting our way.
According to my observations, extended Weather-Channel viewing is most acceptable to management if four or more people are gaping at the screen at the same time. This way, no one will notice if you turn the sound down and discuss where you're going to go for drinks after you leave work at 3 p.m.
2) Take a cigarette break. Smokers have the perfect excuse to waste endless amounts of time because they have to walk halfway across the city to find a place that allows them to indulge their filthy habit.
Admittedly, this is a bit of a trade-off. One the one hand, you get to go home an hour early so you can watch the tail-end of "Judge Judy," but on the other hand, you'll die young from a horrible, excruciatingly painful form of cancer.
3) Become a sports junkie. Although some might find cancer preferable to professional hockey, you really don't need to know much, or anything, about sports in order to waste time talking about them.
I said to one of the sports guys, "So, this Sharapova kid ... she's the one who's never won anything, right?"
"Actually, she won Wimbledon last year," the sports guy said dryly, before returning to his comic book.
But I think you see my point. A lack of knowledge of sports should in no way dissuade you from talking about them.
Because if you don't, you might find yourself back at your desk doing actual work.
And that's not the way Missouri got to the place it's at today.
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JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here. © 2005, Sarasota Herald Tribune |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
