Leonard Pitts, Jr.
No. No-no-no. NO!
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Let us consider the word no.
It's an easily defined term used, according to my dictionary, ''to express refusal, denial, disbelief, emphasis or disagreement.'' Acceptable substitutes include ''No way,'' ''Not a chance,'' ''Not interested,'' —Not going to happen.''
There is nothing difficult about no. It is capable of being understood by human beings of all stripes: police officers, insurance agents, construction workers, dog groomers, physical therapists, circus clowns.
Everybody in the world except, apparently, telemarketers. Somehow, when told no, they hear it as, —Please tell me more about your fascinating product or service.''
Not that this is surprising. I mean, we're talking about people who are also unable to understand such common expressions as, ''I'm having dinner right now and don't care to be bothered,'' ''I have absolutely no interest in what you are selling'' and —Please eat gravel and choke.''
And as long as I'm unburdening here, let me say a word in defense of my name. It's a fairly common one; I share it with an actor (Nimoy), a conductor (Bernstein) and a boxer (Sugar Ray). The pronunciation could not be simpler: it's LIH-nard.
Again, nobody seems to have trouble with this, except telemarketers, who always ask for LEE-oh-narr. Which is, I suppose, how it might be pronounced if I were, oh, I don't know . . . Klingon, maybe.
So is your humble correspondent pleased that the Federal Trade Commission has made it possible to add one's name to a list of people who telemarketers are legally forbidden to pester? Hey, does a bear stomp in the woods?
Nor am I the only one celebrating. The Associated Press reports that 635,000 Americans went online ( www.donotcall.gov) to sign on to the register last week in the first 14 hours alone. The federal government hasn't done anything this popular since the G.I. Bill.
The list takes effect Oct. 1 for those who register by Aug. 31 -- later if you register after. It will prohibit most types of telephone solicitations, on penalty of an $11,000 fine. Some companies are exempt, including airlines, charities, nonprofit groups and opinion pollsters.
As you might expect, telemarketers are less than pleased. Some have predicted that this will spark the revival of an annoyance from an earlier era: the door-to-door salesperson. But on the upside, it will also create new business for moat builders and people who sell oil by the caldron.
OK, so I'm a little testy. I recently had a run-in with a telemarketer from a certain large telecommunications company that I will not identify, except to say that it goes by three letters, none of which is M, C or I.
This woman calls, wanting to tell me about all the money she can save me on my local phone bill. When I tell her I'm not interested, she takes this tone like I've just spurned a cure for cancer. ''You don't have five minutes to hear how we can save you money?'' she asks.
I finally get her off the phone, but two days later, another woman calls from the same company, gets the same answer and goes through the same flabbergasted routine. Like, what kind of idiot are you that you'd pass up a chance to hear my spiel?
Answer: I'm the kind of idiot who's going to www.donotcall.gov as fast as his little hands can type.
It has been suggested that this will lead to massive layoffs in the telemarketing industry, the thought of which I am sure leaves you prostrate with grief. Me, I'm consoled by the thought that I won't have to listen to any more Klingon pronunciations of my name.
Frankly, that's worth paying a little more for local calls.
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