Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | America West suspended two pilots who attempted to fly a passenger airliner while legally drunk Monday. The passengers got upset when the pilots were taken off the airplane. They figured any pilot with liquor on his breath can't be a practicing Muslim.

The Italian-American Defense League dropped its suit against The Sopranos. They had no case. Italians can't prove they're being singled out as a mob culture now that a different Anglo-Saxon is arrested every night at the end of CNBC's Market Wrap.

The New York Times accused President Bush of profiting from fishy accounting with Harken Energy in 1989. He's livid. After getting a colonoscopy Saturday, he is wondering how many times in one week he has to sit still for this type of probe.

Yasser Arafat Tuesday fired his top security chiefs in the West Bank and Gaza, saying it's the first step in his reform. It made him more popular in America. The Wall Street Journal just invited him to Washington to fire our security chiefs.

Martha Stewart hired a public relations firm on Tuesday to advise her while she's being investigated by the SEC for insider trading on ImClone. Everyone who knows her salutes her as a businesswoman. If Martha Stewart ever got arrested, she would use her one phone call to tell her broker to sell Martha Stewart Living.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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