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Slobodzian: Faith healing and third degree murder: Thorny legal case Lindsay Wise: Few options for online users to avoid spying, experts say Sharon Palmer, R.D.: There are plenty of nutritional food bargains out there Harvard Health Letters: Can bariatric surgery control diabetes? Zach Murdock: Superglue helps doctors save infant's life The Kosher Gourmet by Celebrated chef Mario Batali : As good as grilling gets: Rib eye with dry mushroom spice rub June 7, 2013 Rabbi David Aaron: Beating jealousy Caroline B. Glick: Wounded . . . and dangerous Clifford D. May: Al Qaeda vs. Hezbollah Harvard Health Letters: Fighting back against allergy season Kimberly Lankford: Grandparents who use FSA to cover grandkid's braces and other must-know info Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom:J ewish Tony Nominees/Tony Awards; Jewish Teen Actor In Sci-Fi Flick; Jewish singer in "Voice" finals The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: A tart filling so good it might not make it to the crust June 5, 2013 John Rosemond: Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less Kristen Chick: Egypt court sentences 43 pro-democracy workers to prison Sharon Palmer, R.D.: Mushrooms Have Medicinal As Well As Culinary Value Morgan Housel: Why you never learn from your investment mistakes Don Lee: In China, kindergarten rivalry takes deadly turn The Kosher Gourmet by Sara Kate Gillingham-Ryan: 30-Minute Coq au Vin isn't a dream June 3, 2013 Molly Hennessy-Fiske: Military judge to consider letting Fort Hood shooting defendant represent himself Richard A. Serrano: Pvt. Bradley Manning's WikiLeaks trial also a test for government Mark Trumbull: Have degree, driving cab: Nearly half of college grads are overqualified Kim Lankford: What to do when long-term care insurance premiums rise Deborah Netburn: Study: Adults' mouth bacteria may help babies Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Contestant on 'The Voice'; Will Smith's 'Jewish movie family'; Bravo Gives Long Island Jews the Jersey Shore Treatment; Magicians and More The Kosher Gourmet by Bill Ward: How to be as refined as the wines at a wine tasting May 29, 2013 Andrew Connelly and Helene Bienvenu: The Little Synagogue that Refused to Die Dennis Prager: The 'Muslims-Killed-by-the-West' Lie David Clark Scott: Open war on teachers? 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Jewish World Review Have a tissue issue? Help is a phone call away By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Back in the days when American dads were building fallout shelters in their basements and backyards, I always wondered where the garbage would go during thermonuclear war. I wondered this because one of my preteen chores was to put out the garbage on collection days. Between my seven brothers and sisters and me, we could produce huge amounts of trash. Where would you put it all in the little room my dad was building? Certainly the garbagemen would be in their own shelters. They might not start picking up trash on Tuesdays and Fridays for a couple of weeks. It never occurred to me that we would run out of food long before the garbage got out of hand. And all of us using that tiny toilet, with one baby brother still in diapers -- how would that work? Sure, millions of people would be burned to toast, but what about my privacy? A shower curtain is not going to do it, Dad. I had many deep, profound questions to which no one seemed to have answers: Why aren't we stocking any cat food? Why isn't Timmy's dad building one of these? I was flashing on all these things while I was in the big box store buying household products packaged in quantities large enough to get us through a nuclear war, a zombie invasion, the yearly storm of the century or the millennium bug: paper towels bundled in the convenient 60-pack, enough cat litter for several domestic mountain lions, a gallon of cilantro-flavored yogurt, a package of toilet paper that filled the entire shopping cart. The great thing about big box stores is that they have no staff and pass the savings along to you. And the CEO. To save even more money, customers check out on their own. Why pay someone minimum wage when shoppers will do it for free? Of course, this works like a dream -- for the CEO, who is on his fifth week of his fourth yearly vacation in France. For the rest of us, not so much. Specifically, it means standing behind some fool who has decided to buy bananas at the big box store. Lights flash and the computer calls for human help because the bunch of green bananas that weighed 1.73 pounds 2 1/2 days ago when the label was put on are now mostly yellow and have lost about 0.019 pound through evaporation. The harried human helper is at DIY register No. 7 trying to get the computer to accept a flat of strawberries that also cannot seem to stay the same weight it was yesterday. All of this gives me a long time to contemplate my purchases, specifically, the toilet paper. I notice for the first time that there is a toll-free number on the outer paper wrapper of each roll. The hotline is open from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Central time, Monday through Friday. What, no Web page? No email address? No Facebook link? The label also says, "Please have the roll from the package when you call." It is hard to imagine why someone would need to call an 800 number for this particular product. It's not as if it were a box of Cracker Jack with a missing prize. And do that many people have phones in the room where this paper product is most likely to be found? If it's in your dining room, you're using it wrong. How many people are at the toilet paper hotline waiting for calls? Is one enough? Is three too many? Are calls routed to India? Maybe there are no humans there at all, just a voice menu. "Are you calling for a refund? Press 2. Please put the product back in its original container and send it to us." If Alexander Graham Bell knew what we use the phone for nowadays, he would surely uninvent it. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: My guy's guys are better than your guy's guys Divorce, Facebook style Millionaires are a dime a dozen What not to name the baby Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works A bad case of the wedding bill blues Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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