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Jewish World Review
Millionaires are a dime a dozen
By
Jim Mullen
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
A penthouse in Manhattan just sold for $90 million, which broke the record set last year when the 22-year-old daughter of a Russian billionaire spent $88 million on a Park Avenue pad that she plans to use during the few weeks a year when she's in town. (It's still hard for me to say "Russian billionaire" after years of thinking of Russia as a place full of empty, government-run stores where toilet paper -- if there was any -- was a luxury item.)
In other big real estate news, someone bought a parking spot in the garage of a Manhattan building for a million dollars. They're kidding, right? Who's going to believe that someone who can blow a million dollars on a parking spot has only one car? Even I have two cars, and I'm only, oh, a million dollars shy of having a million dollars. One of my cars is 9 years old; the other is 7.
But I'm not jealous. This guy is obviously one of those people the news media now call "job creators." If only we would lower his taxes, this guy could afford to buy two million-dollar parking spots and buy another car. That's how you create jobs. When you and I buy a car, jobs are not created because we're not rich. But when a rich person buys a car, tons of jobs are created. That's why we all have to chip in and lower taxes for the wealthy. Why is that so hard to understand?
What kind of car would someone park in a million-dollar parking space? A Ford? A Chevy? No, it's probably one of those expensive European cars. Maybe a Porsche or a BMW. No, even that won't cut it. If you're spending a million dollars on a parking spot, you're probably driving one of those million-dollar cars like a Maybach or a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. Which would create a lot of manufacturing jobs -- in Europe.
Of course, a lot of people think you'd be crazy to own a car in a place like Manhattan. You can walk faster than you can drive there. You need a car in Manhattan like you need a rowboat in the Sahara.
Then again, a lot of people think you're crazy if you walk in Manhattan. It's a lose-lose situation. Think of the wear and tear on the vehicle. How many times do you have to hear, "Yo, buddy, it hurt my hand when I opened the cab door and dinged your Masarati. I'd sue you, but I'm in a hurry!" before you stop taking the car out of the garage at all?
Everybody knows parking is expensive in Manhattan. I was there on business last year and parked in one of the many underground garages. It was $5.95 for the first half-hour. Three hours later, I paid the $25 bill (plus $2 tip) and headed for home. As I pulled out of the garage, I saw a sign for another parking garage right across the street. It charged only $5.94 for the first half-hour. Free-market competition like that keeps parking prices low, low, low.
Still, if you lived there, you could park your car at many parking garages in Manhattan for a monthly rate of $500. As outrageous as that may sound to the normal homeowner, it still is a deal compared to spending a million on a single parking spot.
There used to be a show on TV in the late '50s called "The Millionaire." A character named Michael Anthony would show up at someone's front door and hand the shocked residents a cashier's check for a million dollars, tax-free, from reclusive gazillionaire John Beresford Tipton. There was one stipulation: They could never say where they got the money.
Back then, a million dollars meant something; it could change your life. You could buy houses and cars for your friends and family. Now it buys you a parking space for a car you will rarely, if ever, use.
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Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."
Previously:
What not to name the baby
Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works
A bad case of the wedding bill blues
Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials
FOOD FIGHT!
Rolling Stoned
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Ask your doctor if this column is right for you
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Should bad behavior be rewarded?
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It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid
How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid
The yellow badge of cowardice
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Poisoning myself
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Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters
Money never sleeps, but it does pass out
President Trump kept it classy
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3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past
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Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them
You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't
e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic
A pose by any other name
Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers
He loves only gold, only gold
Think about direction, wonder why …
Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet
More like wack Friday
The good, the ad and the ugly
The desert of the real
Let books be large and in charge
I was insulting people way before the Internet
GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left!
Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high
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You don't light up my life
Fair or not: Country living is far from Little House
A parable for the ages
Top 100 Cable news stories of the century
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A developing story
Thinking outside the lunch box
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A really big show of generation gaps
When pigs flu
The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative juice
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping
© 2009, NEA
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