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Twerski: The world is a mirror Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen? Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver) The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead April 24, 2013 Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret Top Muslim cleric boycotts inter-faith dialogue conference attended by 'Jews' Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication? 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Jewish World Review Bees deliver stinging fashion critique By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The shirt is magnificent. It's covered in huge red flowers that look so real you could pick them. The greens are green, the yellows are yellow, the reds are red. I've been told that when I wear it, I look like a cross between a centerpiece at a terrifically expensive wedding and a Carmen Miranda headpiece. I'm hoping that's meant as a compliment. Friends bought me the shirt as a present while they were on a two-week cruise through the Caribbean this past winter. Somehow, they thought that reminding me they got to take an expensive vacation and I didn't would cheer me up. Or maybe they just wanted to rub it in. Still, the shirt is truly a work of art, not one of those cheap knockoffs made in some unheard-of Third World country. It was made in Pakistan, about which we hear plenty. Much to Sue's embarrassment, I wear this shirt a lot. When I dress up, I throw a blue blazer over it. No tie necessary. Many times, I am the only person in the entire room wearing anything nearly so cheerful. That was certainly true at Shirley Maxwell's funeral. Sue complained that the shirt was too casual. I had to explain to her that times have changed. Today, formal doesn't mean "black tie," it means "black T-shirt" (preferably one that doesn't have your favorite band's tour schedule on the back). And funerals aren't somber events anymore. We've turned them into "celebrations of life." You're no longer supposed to look unhappy that your spouse or your friends have died. You get up and tell funny stories about the deceased as if this were some big practical joke that everyone is in on except the guy in the coffin. How long before they get rid of the preacher altogether and hire comedians to plant us when our time comes? Late yesterday afternoon, I was wearing the gift shirt and a floppy straw hat while I helped Sue in the garden. Sue doesn't usually like me to help in the garden, as it often turns out that I water the weeds and weed the plants, but she was desperate. I was watering what I thought were tomatoes when the first bee hit, right on the shoulder. I'm not allergic to bee stings, but I am sensitive to them. A sting on the hand will make my whole hand swell. I could feel my shoulder starting to swell just as another bee got me high on my right cheek. Maybe they were angry that the flowers on my shirt held no pollen, or maybe the queen had sent them off to war, or maybe they just woke up on the wrong side of the hive. My eye was swollen shut, parts of my lips were puffed up to three times their normal size, and my cheek was out to here. Fine, I thought. I'll take some antihistamine and wait for the swelling to go down. It didn't help. The problem was, we had committed to dinner that night with friends at a popular restaurant. It had taken weeks to organize our schedules, and after several failed attempts, not showing up would be unforgivable. "You should have told us!" Betty said after getting a look at my face. "We could have rescheduled. What happened?" "Ahbummeemungme," was how "A bee stung me" came out. Bill was also sympathetic. "I can't eat if I have to look at that all night," he said. "You've just spoiled my appetite. I need a Scotch -- a double." The swelling on my shoulder made me walk funny. I looked like I should be ringing the bells at Notre Dame. "I motna smellin would gomand nah. Ivmad uneer brise weded," I said, pointing to my face and trying to explain that I thought the swelling would go down by now and, hey, I just had a near brush with death. "I'm not talking about your face," said Bill. "The bees did you a favor. I'm talking about that shirt. Please, throw it out before more people get hurt." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: Have a tissue issue? Help is a phone call away My guy's guys are better than your guy's guys Divorce, Facebook style Millionaires are a dime a dozen What not to name the baby Technology is a wonderful thing -- when it works A bad case of the wedding bill blues Of cupcakes, teenage moms and crazy nuptials FOOD FIGHT! Rolling Stoned Caterwauling over death of books is premature Ask your doctor if this column is right for you Could shopping be any more inconvenient? Thanks for the lack of memories Help wanted: Teenage life coach with all the answers Sorry, wrinkles are not legal proof of age Dead mice tell no tales GOING PAPERLESS -- PRICELESS! Should bad behavior be rewarded? The perplexing problems of the rich and famous Do these glasses make my gut look big? More expensive by the dozen In one year and out the other Thank heaven it's Black Friday Planning for the long term ---- tomorrow READING THIS WILL MAKE YOU THIN AND HAPPY! The Seven Secrets of Success It's tough living off the gridIt's tough living off the grid How not to clean the houseIt's tough living off the grid The yellow badge of cowardice Any way you slice it Home sweet homeschooling Don't Head for the Borders Money ball Golf and death go hand in hand Tune in, turn off, unplug The radar curtain Is Steve Jobs clouding my privacy? The gift of garbage Johnny Intern, Ph.D. Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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