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Jewish World Review
June 1, 2012/ 11 Sivan, 5772
Hey Fatso! Listen Up!
You hear the one about the guy who is so fat he doesn't have an address. He has a zip code!
How about this: Yo mama so fat when she walks outside in a yellow dress, people yell "TAXI!"
I'm guessing New Yorkers hear a lot of fat jokes, since more than half the people who live in the city are overweight or downright obese. I didn't know that until I read the New York Times today. So the mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has come up with a plan to fight the problem: He's going to ban "the sale of large sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, movie theaters and street carts, in the most ambitious effort yet by the Bloomberg administration to combat rising obesity," as the Times explained it.
My sources tell me there are more rules on the way.
I understand that the mayor will make the sale of Ding Dongs and Ho Hos a felony.
He's also going to ban apple pie, hot dogs, salt, cheesecake and margarine. Anyone caught selling any of these soon-t0-be illegal substances will be sent to re-education camp on Staten Island.
And if a black market pops up to provide New York's fatsos with illegal stuff to shove down their throats, the mayor has a contingency plan to force everyone over a government specified weight to join a health club or be expelled to New Jersey, where they should feel more at home since the governor is fat.
Okay, I made a lot of that up. But the ban on large sodas is not a joke.
"Obesity is a nationwide problem, and all over the United States, public health officials are wringing their hands saying, 'Oh, this is terrible,' " Mr. Bloomberg told the Times.
"New York City is not about wringing your hands; it's about doing something," the mayor said. "I think that's what the public wants the mayor to do."
This raises a question: Where is Ron Paul when you really need him?
According to the proposed ban it has to be approved by the city's Board of Health, which is a virtual certainty since the mayor appointed the board members "The sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces about the size of a medium coffee, and smaller than a common soda bottle would be prohibited under the first-in-the-nation plan," according to the Times.
New Yorkers may be fat, but that doesn't (necessarily) mean they're stupid. If you can't buy a 16 oz. drink why not buy two 8 oz. drinks? Duh!
There is a serious point in all of this, of course, and it has to do with how some people view the role of government in a free country. Some, like Mayor Bloomberg, see government as a nanny. They lack faith in the people who elected them. They figure they don't know what's good for them, so government has to pass laws to make sure the dummies don't do dumb things like drink the wrong drinks or eat the wrong foods.
But if government can implement rules like that, what can't government do? Can it make you eat fruits and vegetables every day? Before you say "Of course not," why not? Soda is bad for you. Fruits and vegetables are good for you. In the nanny state, a law mandating that you eat well makes sense.
And what about ObamaCare? If government can force people to buy medical insurance for the good of society, why can't it force them eat broccoli or apples for the same reason? The U.S. Supreme Court may answer that question, any day now.
One more thing: my sources tell me Mayor Bloomberg is planning on banning fat jokes. But until he does try this one: Yo momma's so fat she had to get baptized at sea world.
That's funny. Not as funny as the ban on large sodas, but pretty funny.
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JWR contributor Bernard Goldberg, the television news reporter and author of several bestselling books, among them, Bias, a New York Times number one bestseller about how the media distort the news. He is widely seen as one of the most original writers and thinkers in broadcast journalism. Mr. Goldberg covered stories all over the world for CBS News and has won 10 Emmy awards for excellence in journalism. He now reports for the widely acclaimed HBO broadcast Real Sports.
He is a graduate of Rutgers University, New Brunswick, New Jersey and a member of the school's Hall of Distinguished Alumni and proprietor of BernardGoldberg.com.
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© 2011, Bernard Goldberg