Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

Don't confuse fulfilling a child's ‘needs’ with being an overprotective parent

By John Rosemond




How to harm your child while feeling splendid

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | (MCT) I'm reasonably certain that my parents never used the term "John's needs."

Since having this thought, I've asked a handful of folks my age, "Do you think your parents ever talked about your needs and how to best meet them?" Every time, a smile breaks out on the person's face, then he or she chuckles and answers, "I don't think so."

Today's parents, by contrast, talk about their children's "needs" a good amount. They aren't referring, however, to actual needs like air, food, clean water, protection from the elements, and good medical care in the event of illness. They're actually referring to entitlements the "need" for the child to experience life without ever experiencing failure or emotional distress of any sort (if that can be accurately called life).

Parents with this sort of orientation were once called overprotective. It was recognized that despite their intentions, they were doing slow but sure harm to their children. Today, what was once anomalous has become the norm.

And the harm is apparent. Compared with my generation, today's children perform less well in school at every grade and are considerably more likely to experience serious emotional problems before adulthood. They are also having great difficulty uncoupling themselves from their parents' protections and successfully emancipating.


FREE SUBSCRIPTION TO INFLUENTIAL NEWSLETTER

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". HUNDREDS of columnists and cartoonists regularly appear. Sign up for the daily update. It's free. Just click here.


The difference is that today's parents believe their responsibility is to their children whereas the parents of two generations past believed their responsibility was to the culture. Today's parents are trying to insure their children's success and happiness. Yesterday's parents were trying to produce good citizens, which is why they said things like "good citizenship begins at home." The fact that parents no longer talk like that means something.

Yesterday's parents saw the raising of children through wide-angle lenses while today's parents have tunnel vision, and the entire visual field at the end of any given tunnel is occupied by a child. Today's parents have great difficulty placing their children in a broad socio-cultural context. They're also near-sighted. When I ask one of them, "What is your mission statement?" they look at me like I'm speaking a dead language, which I suppose I am. Do they not know what they're trying to accomplish?

I propose that yesterday's parents had it right. The only proper end goal of child rearing in America is to strengthen America. It is not all about the child. It is about one's responsibility to this country. It's not about raising a child who makes straight A's, earns a scholarship to a top-tier college, is the best center-forward in the NCAA, etcetera. It's about raising an adult who will be a good neighbor, someone who will be helpful and courteous and respectful and compassionate and charitable and responsible and so on. Most of all, it's about raising a child who will pass the baton of good citizenship properly to his or her kids.

When that's the goal, everything else will fall into its proper place. The child may not make the best grades, but he will respect adults and do his best. As an adult, he may not wear an Italian silk tie to work or make a lot of money, but he will be a good neighbor.

Interested in a private Judaic studies instructor — for free? Let us know by clicking here.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspirational material. Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

We want your comments! Please let us know what you think by clicking here.

John Rosemond is a psychologist, family therapist and nationally known expert on parenting issues


Previously:


Parents without borders
Today's parents frustrated with lack of instant gratification
Parenting resolution revolution
Ignore your kids
Success stories of parents setting boundaries
Parenting 101 in session (Conclusion)
Parenting 101 in session, Part I
'Gifted' children, who aren't
Get away from 'psychological thinking'
What do today's children seriously lack that children in the 1950s and before enjoyed in abundance?
'Fixing' Son's Shyness
Mothers who fall short --- by design
To tell a child 'You can be anything you want to be' is irresponsible
Family 'democracy' can turn to tyranny
'Because I said so' signals strong parental leadership
It's time for parents to get their heads out of the '60s





© 2011, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.). Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.