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Jewish World Review Just point the way and we'll march By Chris Erskine http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Sometimes, I feel like the Pied Piper of kids. Children tend to follow me for no reason. One time, at Big Bear, I turned to find 15 little snow urchins trailing me down the slopes. "Get away! Get away!" I shouted, before realizing they were all mine. Well, most of them anyway. I love a parade, so I used this odd trait recently with a bunch of Cub Scouts, mouthy kids with a penchant for dressing in military-style outfits, as if that conveys some sort of authority or something. We were unit No. 70 in the Memorial Day parade, but we don't like lines. So we waited patiently near the beginning for our slot in the parade to come to us, then promptly ran the other way. Almost a week later, I still have no idea why. Could've been we spooked, the way you see schools of small Caribbean fish quickly change directions. Suddenly, the parade was headed in one direction, and then we were headed in the other. Confusion reigned, and I did what I always do in crises — I stumbled a little. When I regained my balance, I shouted, "Men, follow me!" and most of them did, except for two of the fathers, who I think headed off for leisurely breakfast and maybe a round of golf. But the crisis wasn't over, for we had to catch up to our spot in the parade — a little sliver of sunlight between a herd of horses and a live band on the back of a truck. "Scouts coming through!" I yelled to some spectators along the curb, and they parted as crowds will when you use the right tone of voice. In no time, we were part of a parade. Yep, as I said, I love a parade. I've viewed them from Miami to L.A. I've always thought that the best parades are the ones you happen to be part of, so I'd rate this the greatest parade that was ever held. There were marching bands and politicians and pretty girls in convertibles with concrete smiles. There were dog rescue organizations and hundreds and hundreds of preschoolers and their parents. I don't know what business a bunch of preschoolers have in a parade. In our little town, there are more people in the parade than those who actually view it. One year, they considered busing in spectators from other states, but that proved too costly. So we mostly go with what we've got. The parade began with a big rumbling flyover by one of those planes that's so big it can barely turn. Basically, because it can't turn, it only can fly around the world in a straight line. This would be cost-prohibitive to anything but the American military. As I said, it is an excellent parade. Our town, as you may have sensed, is populated and run almost exclusively by opinionated, high-maintenance women. If you want a parade done right, you just collect a few of them and turn them loose. That's what we've done, and the parade is almost always a roaring success. This year Pack 515 took part; that was us. The rock band on the truck in front of us played the same song over and over. Within about 10 minutes, my head had begun to swell to ridiculous proportions. If you've seen my head at its normal size, you can just imagine how big that must've been. Several people along the route clapped with glee, thinking they were witnessing one of those Macy's-style Snoopy balloons. So to counteract the repetition, we began to make our own music, specifically chanting, "FIVE-ONE-FIVE" over and over again as we waltzed down the parade route. "FIVE-ONE-FIVE! FIVE-ONE-FIVE! FIVE-ONE-FIVE!" You get the idea. For obvious reasons, this was a big hit with the scouts, who, at age 7, have a good appreciation for screaming spectacles. It also gave them something to do in addition to running up my heels with their razor scooters. Yes, once we got going, everything went well. Like those big planes, Pack 515 works best in straight lines, so you can point us in one direction and just turn us loose, and we will walk clear around the world. We'll walk till someone orders us to stop or we pass an interesting-looking bar at happy hour. In my mind, all hours are happy hours and all bars are pretty interesting. I think the other dads feel much the same way. The little cubbies? They're holding up well. One got his fingers stuck in his mouth. Another ate my car keys. With 7-year-olds, incidents like that are bound to happen. Follow me, men. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Previously: An enchanted diorama in the 'burbs America's next top Mama Fires and gas leaks aside, we're just swell Woozy on the lido deck of life He's tickled to visit the doctor A treat that could eat you Making sense of March Madness Save the queen, from Biden's motorcade His daughter's becoming an adult, but is that a good thing? Thin mints and fungo bats You must be this tall to enter the ark © 2010, Los Angeles Times Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services

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