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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 4, 2010 / 22 Sivan

The (punishing) sound of music

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | For the first time in my life, I fantasized about stealing a car. I didn't plan on taking it far. Hopefully the officers would note that in the comments section of the police report when they arrested me.


We were filling up at a gas station and truck stop plaza, when a fellow pulled curbside to the convenience store and swaggered inside. He left his car running and his sound system blasting.


Vibration from the bass rippled waves in the concrete. Hoses to every gas pump rocked wildly. The sign for the station that previously shot high into the night now crimped at a sharp right angle in acute pain.


The trunk of the offending car pulsated. The windows vibrated. The hood shook and the rooftop buckled and heaved like an active volcano. Dogs cried and small children began to howl.


It would have been a genuine public service for someone to slip into the driver's seat and drive the offending vehicle around to the back of the station. Where was a Boy Scout when I needed him?



And then I asked myself: Why not me? Why not here? Why not now?


The answer came quickly -- because the guy could catch me, strap me into his passenger seat and force me to continue listening until my ears bled and my eyes crossed.


Held hostage by deafening decibels, I couldn't help but think of ways to seek revenge. (I can be extremely menacing behind the protection of rolled up windows and within the safety of power lock doors.)


I thumbed through my CD album. I'd read that officials and chaperones in California have been using Bacharach and Hal David tunes to bust up inappropriate moves on the dance floors. How would you like a little "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" at 300 decibels, Mr. Music Man? That's right, just walk on by. You got it, mister, one less bell to answer. Unfortunately I didn't have any Bacharach.


Maybe I could bombard him with some AC/DC -- the government used their music to wear down detainees. Bad idea, the guy would probably love it. Besides, I was fresh out.


I had Michael Buble (never to be used in such a fashion), assorted Motown (absolutely not), and Johnny Cash. "Ring of Fire" was a possibility. No, what I really needed was Barry Manilow.


A neighborhood in Australia has been clearing their streets of loud cars and unruly teens by blasting "Mandy" and "Weekend in New England." Again, I was fresh out.


But wait, I did have some Mozart. A school in England used Mozart on badly behaving children in special detentions. The headmaster claimed it calmed students down and that the number of disruptive pupils dropped by 60 percent.


You may have zipped into the station a bad boy, Sonny, but with a little Mozart, you're gonna roll out of here like a pussy cat.


The husband finished filling the tank, jumped back in the driver's seat and yelled, "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO WORK WITH?"


"Mozart," I said.


"I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA. LET'S ROLL DOWN THE WINDOWS AND CRANK UP SOME TALK RADIO."


The man is a genius. Now hard of hearing, but a genius.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2009, Lori Borgman

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