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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 25, 2010 / 13 Tamuz 5770

Thundering applause awaits award winners

By Lori Borgman

Lori Borgman


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I have long thought there should be an awards show for thunder. Last week was validation. It was a small storm that rolled into town, but the thunder was outstanding. It jolted the bed, rattled the windows and shook three pictures on the wall into perfect horizontal alignment.

There have been a lot of interesting stories made up by parents to explain thunder to their children. If thunder truly is the sound of angels bowling, Gabriel must have broken 200 last week. If thunder is someone rearranging furniture in heaven, it was one massive dining room table and chairs that were dragged into place.

Aristotle was the first philosopher to try and explain thunder, saying it was the sound made by clouds colliding. He was wrong, but he was probably just repeating what his mother told him.

A decent thunderstorm, and by decent I mean the kind that rolls in, gives a good concert and leaves without leaving a trail of downed branches and smashed guitars, is a requisite for summer. It is a seasonal necessity — like lightning bugs, potato salad and filling an inflatable pool.

A good thunderstorm knocks you awake and leaves you wide-eyed in the safety of your own bed. There's something invigorating about nature shaking the sass out of us and reminding us who's boss.

Naturally, an awards ceremony for thunder would be in an outdoor amphitheater, not some air-conditioned theater. There would be a walkway, but not a red carpet. This walkway would be green Astroturf so soaked with rain that it squished with every step.

The event would be emceed by meteorologists telling corny weather jokes like: "If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?"

Nobody would care what people were wearing because all the attention would be fixated on the sound.

The Best in Show award would go to the round of thunder that most sounds like a herd of buffalo stampeding directly through your house.

The Symphonic Achievement award would go to the peal of thunder that incorporates the kettle drum, the timpani, the snare, and then brings in cymbals for the really big finish.

The rat-a-tat, tat-a-tat, tat-a-tat thunder would be awarded the Most Sounds Like Artillery award. This should not be confused with the Boulders Crashing Down the Mountainside award, which would go to cracking thunder.

Best Supporting Role in a Storm would be divided between gentle rain that sounds like white-glove applause and driving rain that sounds like a fire hose trained on a metal shed.

The grand award, Best Rolling Thunder, would be awarded only to storms in Western states with big skies and wind-swept prairies. Rolling thunder confines itself to the wide open spaces where it can rumble for hours on end sounding like a gigantic impaired digestive system confronting a fully loaded pizza. This award should be accepted by some storm nut who would actually sit in a rocker on the porch of a Country Inn and Suites for an entire evening just to listen to roll after roll, rumble after rumble.

I accept.


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JWR contributor Lori Borgman is the author of , most recently, "Catching Christmas" (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids To comment, please click here. To visit her website click here.

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© 2009, Lori Borgman

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