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May 13, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation

David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church

Emily Alpert: Recession dragged down birth rates for less-educated women
Morgan Housel: The deep downside of home ownership

Peter Teffer: Will Dutch police soon be stalking cybercriminals on your computer?

Heidi McIndoo, M.S., R.D.: Meatless 'meat' can have its own set of problems

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate! This must-try appetizer is delicate yet has depth of flavor: Corn-Leek Cakes with Caviar, Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche

May 10, 2013

Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be

Caroline B. Glick: The dirty little secret about Israel's Arabs

Mona Charen: Hawking's Moral Calculus: The man and the movement he embraces
Morgan Housel: The biggest retirement myth ever told

Sandi Doughton: Eyes may provide new insight into brain problems

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : The Great Gatsby's Jewish Ties; Jews in the "Time 100 list" List; People's Most Beautiful Women

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A sweet-hot meal: Pear salsa spices up salmon

May 8, 2013

Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas

Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate

Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
Amanda Paulson: Study reveals sad truths about community colleges

Harvard Health Letters: Evidence weak that zinc, echinacea are beneficial

The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility

May 6, 2013

Edmund Sanders and Patrick J. McDonnell: Think Israel's objective in Syria is to weaken Assad or embolden the rebels? Think again

Brian Bennett: Israeli airstrikes may show weakness in Syrian defense

Michael Ollove: Millions of ex-felons, parolees and those on probation are about to be entitled to tax-payer paid health coverage
Karen Kaplan: Most men can skip PSA test for prostate cancer, urologists say

Kimberly Lankford: How to track down a lost life insurance policy

Dream of Mars exploration achievable, experts say

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan M. Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal

May 3, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text

Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public

Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study
Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert

May 1, 2013

Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy

Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push

Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Halena M. Gazelka, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: What you need to know about implanted pain relief devices

Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine

Jessica Shugart: When it comes to math, MRIs may be better than IQs

The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: The celebrated chef on how high-maintenance ASPARAGUS RISOTTO need not be

April 29, 2013

Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust

Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?

Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Morgan Housel: He's rich, smart and old: Listen to him

Thomas Salinas, D.D.S.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: The safety of amalgam fillings

Harvard Health Letters: Tomatoes and stroke protection

Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Swing into spring with lemon cream pie

April 26, 2013

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The world is a mirror

Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama

Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance

Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen?

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver)

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead

April 24, 2013

Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret

Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication?

Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.: How to easily get more Omega-3s in your diet

Melissa Healy: Pot in a pill: All the pain relief without the smoke

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: Chipotle Chili Butternut Squash Soup is bold, zesty, hot

April 22, 2013

Ken Dilanian: Counterterrorism's future is unclear

US man departing country arrested on terror charges
Barbara Williams: An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer

P.J. Skerrett, M.D.: How to recognize a good whole grain product

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Teen actor Jonah Bobo in New Flick: Hunky James Wolk on Mad Men; Erich Segal's Daughter Writes Prize-Winning Jewish Novel

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: 'Noodles,' Asian style is a carb sub, sure. But they are also amazingly delicious and colorful

April 19, 2013

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: When violence seems the only answer

Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama's visit to Israel had no impact on public opinion or government policy

Morgan Housel: Gold collapse: The start of something big?
Harvard Health Letters: Can you die of a broken heart?

Pete Spotts: Livable super-Earths? Two candidates among Kepler's latest finds

Nora Schultz: Oxytocin helps beat booze cravings

The Kosher Gourmet by Carole Kotkin: Middle Eastern cuisine meets Italian delicious with this lentil and eggplant pastitsio

April 17, 2013

Shira Rubin: Too much of a good thing? 'Palestinians' realize downside of foreign aid boom

Geoffrey Mohan: Can computers decode dreams? Researchers take a first step

Morgan Housel: BAD NEWS: EVERYONE IS RIGHT!
Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D.: 6 heart-healthy eating tips help cut saturated fat but not taste

Michael Craig Miller, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Told your child has sensory processing disorder? Seek a second opinion

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Corn and Curry Add Zing to Chilled Soup

April 15, 2013

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Death of Education?

Kristen Chick: Egyptian Christians respond with harsh words to attack -- rocks, Molotov cocktails, and gunfire -- against main cathedral

Marcy Darnovsky and Karuna Jaggar: High Court to decide if you should own your DNA
Howard LaFranchi: US bracing for more Russian blowback after taking action against 18 more human rights violators

Kristin Ohlson : The loneliest fight

The Kosher Gourmet by Dana Velden: A tasty, rich dish that hints at spring's arrival while still anchored in a favorite winter staple

April 12, 2013

Rabbi Dr. Tzvi Hersh Weinreb: The Inspired Loner

Caroline B. Glick : Must we continue to be enablers of our own destruction?

Mark Clayton: New cybersecurity bill: Privacy threat or crucial band-aid?
Morgan Housel: Twitter: The carnival barker of investing

Harvard Health Letters.: Dietary supplements: Do they help or hurt?

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jackie Robinson's Friend, Hank Greenberg; CNN's Jake Tapper; Texas County in the News is named for 19thC. Jewish soldier and Congressman

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: FRUITY QUINOA STUFFED PEPPERS: A flavorful, colorful and edible vessel of delicately fluffy, mildly nutty filling combined with chewy apricots, tangy cherries, and crunchy pistachios

April 10, 2013

Edmund Sanders: Kerry leaves Israel with hopes, but few results

Nicholas Blanford: Iran's 'axis of resistance' loses its Palestinian arm to Syrian war

Peter Grier: North Korean missiles: Could US shoot them down?
Morgan Housel: Warning: Don't waste your capital being fooled by profit prophets

Donald Hensrud, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Take vitamin supplements with caution --- even approved, they may actually do damage

Eryn Brown: 74 DNA discoveries move cure closer for three cancers

Mark Guarino: Google Glass already has some lawmakers on high alert

The Kosher Gourmet by Dana Velden: A soup to feed every guest, no matter how finicky

April 8, 2013

Jonathan Tobin: What Part of No Preconditions Do American Jews Not Get?

Christa Case Bryant: No Place on Earth

Fred Weir: Is Putin finally trading his own party for a new power base?

Hara Estroff Marano: The Spice of Life
P.J. Skerrett, M.D.: Harvard Health Letters: Generic drugs: Don't ask, just tell

David Cook : Husband-hunting advice from Princeton alum triggers outrage, humor

The Kosher Gourmet by James T. Farmer III : A simple, rustic white pizza: Good ingredients, fresh herbs, and an infused olive layered upon a crispy crust hits the spot


Jewish World Review June 24, 2008 / 21 Sivan 5768

Getting the brand back together

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | When my old college roommate sent me an email directing me to a recent article in the New York Times, I was instantly suspicious, concerned that this was just his latest not-so-subtle attempt to remind me of how badly I'd mistreated him back in school. How else to explain earlier news stories he suggested I might be "interested in" featuring headlines like, "20 Years Later, College Roommate Repays Debt," "Long-time Friend Admits To 'Borrowing,' Totaling Car" and "Using Another's 'Clean' Urine to Pass Drug Test Now Classified as Felony?"


Thankfully, after clicking through I discovered that this time the forwarded article had nothing to do with my alleged past misdeeds that there's no hard evidence to prove I was even involved in. In fact, the story titled "Can a Dead Brand Live Again?" dealt with ways modern marketers are trying to revive discontinued products that, while no longer commercially available, still retain brand awareness among consumers. One example might be the 1980s-era shampoo "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific." The last bottle of this product left store shelves years ago, but many of us still remember it. Why? Most likely because "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific" was by far the best-known consumer product with a name that also doubled as a weirdly inappropriate remark one might make to the product's user. Other, less successful consumer items in this category included the ill-fated "Where Did The Yellow Stains On Your Teeth Go?" toothpaste and "Your House Doesn't Stink Like An Old Lady Anymore, Great-Aunt Agnes" air freshener.


The Times article specifically describes one company's efforts to bring back Brim, a brand of decaffeinated instant coffee pitched with the slogan, "Fill it to the rim - with Brim." For some reason, television during my childhood were populated with countless inane commercials touting the superior taste of instant coffee. Particularly egregious examples include the ads featuring two middle-aged women sharing a cup of General Foods International Coffee and reminiscing about all the men they slept with while backpacking across Europe ("That waiter in Paris, what was his name?" "Jean Luc!"), and the Swedish-accented spokeswoman Mrs. Olson extolling the virtues of "mountain grown" Folgers Coffee, which viewers were no doubt left to assume was cultivated in the legendary coffee-producing regions of the Swedish mountains.


But for sheer coffee commercial dimness, I'd have to give the nod to Brim. Brim's ads typically opened with two rugged-looking people entering a rustic cabin, still riding high from an exhilarating outdoor activity like ice fishing, seaplane flying or calf-birthing. As the celebratory coffees were being poured, some variation of the following dialogue ensued:


Coffee Drinker #1: (raising a hand) "Only half a cup."

Coffee Drinker #2: "What, don't you like my coffee?"

Coffee Drinker #1: "I love the rich taste. It's the caffeine I can do without."

Coffee Drinker #2: "But this is Brim. It's decaffeinated, so you don't have to stop at half a cup."

Coffee Drinker #1: (takes sip) "Mmm, if it tastes this good, I don't want to stop. Fill it to the rim."

Coffee Drinker #2: "With Brim!"

(Both laugh heartily at this clever play on words)


I feel that if the folks mentioned in the Times article are serious about reviving the Brim brand, they should first be required to answer a few questions about this ad campaign:


First, what kind of insecure, paranoid person reacts this defensively and starts demanding answers when a guest requests only half a cup of coffee?


Second, who ever heard of offering someone a cup of coffee and then pouring decaf? Homicide has been committed for less. Are these the same people who used to secretly switch instant coffee for the fine coffee they usually served at elegant restaurants?


Finally, who wants a cup of coffee - or anything else, for that matter - poured to the rim of the cup? Or is that just an instinctively passive aggressive response to being grilled over how much coffee you want to drink? "Sure I like your coffee - I like it spilled all over your white shag rug, jerk!"


Frankly, I would love to see the new owners of the Brim brand remake these ads, but with a different, more realistic take. When the host asks, "Don't you like my coffee?" the guest can respond with, "No, actually, I don't. It tastes like crap. Which is why, after I grudgingly choke down this half-cup of swill you served me, I'm going home to drink some real coffee - Brim. Plus, because Brim is decaffeinated, I won't get all amped up to come back here and explain all the other things I don't like about you, the least of which is your lousy coffee."


And if that doesn't work, they can always try changing the product name to "Gee, Your Coffee Tastes Terrific."

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

05/29/08: Phrased and confused
05/13/08: Take this job and love it
04/17/08: News you can (re)use
04/02/08: Commercial (over)load
02/20/08: An overdose of reality
02/14/08: A developing situation
01/30/08: I can tech it or leave it
01/02/08: Confessions of a coke addict
01/02/08: Our bills are due
12/13/07: Going (to lunch) once, going twice…
11/28/07: Out with the old
11/06/07: My latest pet project
11/06/07: Can't tune it out
10/23/07: Something special in the hair
09/12/07: Can I have your attention, please?
09/12/07: Houston, we have an image problem
08/21/07: In the heat of fashion
08/09/07: Let's get in the game
06/13/07: You gonna eat that?
05/08/07: That's disinter-tainment
05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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