
 |
|
May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
|
| |
Jewish World Review
June 17, 2006
/ 18 Sivan, 5766
We need a peppy Fed Chief
By
Brad Dickson
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The stock market has taken a wild ride lately, and matters haven't been helped by new Federal Reserve Chairman Ben
Bernanke, who appears to have the communication skills of an autistic grasshopper.
Whenever Bernanke speaks investors almost always interpret his thoughts negatively. For example, Bernanke could say
something like, "We will analyze interest rates continually in the coming months" which investors interpret as, "We're
approaching the financial apocalypse, you'd best sell all your investments, head for the hills, and stock up on canned food and
ammunition."
The market has been in a withering tailspin, and I don't trust this guy Bernanke. Frankly, I'd feel more comfortable
handing over my life savings to Charles Barkley standing at a craps table.
The good thing about the stock market slide is that I am well diversified. Which means I have investments that went down 9%
in the past two weeks, others that went down 5%, and others that only went down 3%.
And those are the domestic stocks. The international stocks have been collapsing like a house of cards. The French market
has been retreating faster than the French military.
And it seems as if the market is just waiting for a tiny bit of bad news to send it into the next tailspin. That bad news can
occur anywhere in the world. One day the U.S. markets may be up, say, 50 points, when word comes that an obscure Latvian
company that manufactures ant farms is reporting earnings two cents below expectations, sending the Dow Jones average into a
feverish free fall, declining 200 points in 15 minutes.
Or perhaps the market appears to be recovering nicely, is up 80 points an hour before the market close, all the signs and
indicators are positive, when a Nova Scotia business that makes wax lips reports a takeover attempt by a Luxembourg company
that makes plastic buck teeth, and the U.S. market dovetails into the red.

I think part of the problem lies with Bernanke. Let's be honest, Paula Abdul could've been appointed Fed Chairman in
February and the markets wouldn't have performed any worse . We could've had "Federal Reserve Chairman Carrot
Top" and the markets would've probably performed better.
What troubles me is that Bernanke seems perpetually troubled, he just doesn't seem happy, he always looks worried.
Which doesn't exactly restore faith in the world economies. Of course he's not as sad as his predecessor, Alan
Greenspan, a man so dour he made Dick Cheney look like Happy Hooligan. I think that's the solution for the stock market, we
need someone happier at the helm. I want a Fed Chairman who jumps up and down on Oprah's couch. Then I think the market
is all right, and the outlook is bright.
The following is a short list of upbeat personalities, any one of whom would make a decent Federal Reserve Chairman.
-
Jillian Barberie
-
Rip Taylor
-
That guy who sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
-
Brangelina
-
Bob's Big Boy
The main bugaboo are the aforementioned interest rates. Anytime word leaks out that the Federal Reserve Chairman told
somebody who told someone else, who called their third cousin, that Bernanke may continue raising interest rates, the market
plummets.
Higher interest rates are good for those Americans who save their money; unfortunately, that's only 35 guys.
High interest rates are bad for the majority of Americans who earn median incomes but are able to live like Royalty thanks to
the miracle of the modern loan, which enables people earning 18 grand a year to drive $70,000 automobiles and live in McMansions
resembling Wal marts only without the 80-year-old greeters up front.
The worst market performer is frequently something called the NASDAQ, which stands for "Nutty Anal Stupid Dumb
Annoying Queer" investment. The NASDAQ market contains most of the high tech companies. To demonstrate how well high
tech has performed recently, if you invested $10,000 in high tech stocks in, say, January, 2000, you're not reading this
sentence right now because your computer was repossessed several years ago.
In addition to the NASDAQ there is the "S & P 500 Index" which stands for "Sad and Pathetic."
I think step one in turning around this stock market is to get a chipper economic leader who doesn't look like the sky is
falling and has a few communication skills. I'm thinking "Federal Reserve Chairman Katie Couric."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.
Archives
© 2006, Brad Dickson
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Alan Douglas
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
Marybeth Hicks
A. Barton Hinkle
David Horowitz
Jeff Jacoby
Renee James
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ed Koch
Ch. Krauthammer
Michael Ledeen
John Leo
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Pat Sajak
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Ben Wattenberg
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
Lisa Benson
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Jack Ohman
Michael Ramirez
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Ed Stein
Danna Summers
John Trever
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Dan Wasserman

Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
Tech Maven
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|