May 23, 2012 Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: Baghdad talks highlight Western naivete Putin's latest defiance shows Obama's whisper didn't work Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts Lisa Gerstner: 4 Money-Etiquette Questions Answered Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You Art Markman, Ph.D.: Get smart: How to bulk up your creativity muscles Israeli scientists use skin cells to help repair heart muscle Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right May 22, 2012 David S. Cloud and Kathleen Hennessey: Obama changes mind on Pakistan invite to NATO summit --- and then gets dissed by country's president US Senate approves new sanctions against Iran ahead of Baghdad talks Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide Supreme Court: Twins can't claim dead dad's benefits Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage Environmental Nutrition editors: The lowdown on a low-acid diet Pomegranate juice maker used deceptive ads, FTC judge rules Relatives outraged over spoof on Hamas chief's killing The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili May 21, 2012 Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security? Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF James K. Glassman: 5 Stock Picks Among Online Retailers Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy? 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Shafier: Why happiness will always be elusive Charles Krauthammer: Echoes of '67: Israel unites Howard LaFranchi: With G8 snub, US-Putin 'reset' off to stumbling start Jeremy J. Siegel: Investors, Relax About Rising Interest Rates Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON May 10, 2012 Clifford D. May: The Real Palestinian Refugee Problem Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity Harvard Health Letters: Palliative care: Underused therapy yields surprising benefits Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month Rachel L. Sheedy and Susan B. Garland : Make the Right Moves to Boost Benefits The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare May 9, 2012 John Rosemond: Parents, stop destroying the American male Valerie J. Nelson: Maurice Sendak, author of 'Where the Wild Things Are,' dies at 83 Bob Frick: Angst Over Annuities Sharon Palmer, R.D. 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Jewish World Review June 17, 2006 / 18 Sivan, 5766 We need a peppy Fed Chief By Brad Dickson http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The stock market has taken a wild ride lately, and matters haven't been helped by new Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who appears to have the communication skills of an autistic grasshopper. Whenever Bernanke speaks investors almost always interpret his thoughts negatively. For example, Bernanke could say something like, "We will analyze interest rates continually in the coming months" which investors interpret as, "We're approaching the financial apocalypse, you'd best sell all your investments, head for the hills, and stock up on canned food and ammunition." The market has been in a withering tailspin, and I don't trust this guy Bernanke. Frankly, I'd feel more comfortable handing over my life savings to Charles Barkley standing at a craps table. The good thing about the stock market slide is that I am well diversified. Which means I have investments that went down 9% in the past two weeks, others that went down 5%, and others that only went down 3%. And those are the domestic stocks. The international stocks have been collapsing like a house of cards. The French market has been retreating faster than the French military. And it seems as if the market is just waiting for a tiny bit of bad news to send it into the next tailspin. That bad news can occur anywhere in the world. One day the U.S. markets may be up, say, 50 points, when word comes that an obscure Latvian company that manufactures ant farms is reporting earnings two cents below expectations, sending the Dow Jones average into a feverish free fall, declining 200 points in 15 minutes. Or perhaps the market appears to be recovering nicely, is up 80 points an hour before the market close, all the signs and indicators are positive, when a Nova Scotia business that makes wax lips reports a takeover attempt by a Luxembourg company that makes plastic buck teeth, and the U.S. market dovetails into the red. I think part of the problem lies with Bernanke. Let's be honest, Paula Abdul could've been appointed Fed Chairman in February and the markets wouldn't have performed any worse . We could've had "Federal Reserve Chairman Carrot Top" and the markets would've probably performed better. What troubles me is that Bernanke seems perpetually troubled, he just doesn't seem happy, he always looks worried. Which doesn't exactly restore faith in the world economies. Of course he's not as sad as his predecessor, Alan Greenspan, a man so dour he made Dick Cheney look like Happy Hooligan. I think that's the solution for the stock market, we need someone happier at the helm. I want a Fed Chairman who jumps up and down on Oprah's couch. Then I think the market is all right, and the outlook is bright. The following is a short list of upbeat personalities, any one of whom would make a decent Federal Reserve Chairman. Jillian Barberie Rip Taylor That guy who sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy." Brangelina Bob's Big Boy The main bugaboo are the aforementioned interest rates. Anytime word leaks out that the Federal Reserve Chairman told somebody who told someone else, who called their third cousin, that Bernanke may continue raising interest rates, the market plummets. Higher interest rates are good for those Americans who save their money; unfortunately, that's only 35 guys. High interest rates are bad for the majority of Americans who earn median incomes but are able to live like Royalty thanks to the miracle of the modern loan, which enables people earning 18 grand a year to drive $70,000 automobiles and live in McMansions resembling Wal marts only without the 80-year-old greeters up front. The worst market performer is frequently something called the NASDAQ, which stands for "Nutty Anal Stupid Dumb Annoying Queer" investment. The NASDAQ market contains most of the high tech companies. To demonstrate how well high tech has performed recently, if you invested $10,000 in high tech stocks in, say, January, 2000, you're not reading this sentence right now because your computer was repossessed several years ago. In addition to the NASDAQ there is the "S & P 500 Index" which stands for "Sad and Pathetic." I think step one in turning around this stock market is to get a chipper economic leader who doesn't look like the sky is falling and has a few communication skills. I'm thinking "Federal Reserve Chairman Katie Couric." Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here. Archives © 2006, Brad Dickson

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