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Jewish World Review June 17, 2006 / 18 Sivan, 5766 We need a peppy Fed Chief By Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The stock market has taken a wild ride lately, and matters haven't been helped by new Federal Reserve Chairman Ben
Bernanke, who appears to have the communication skills of an autistic grasshopper.
Whenever Bernanke speaks investors almost always interpret his thoughts negatively. For example, Bernanke could say
something like, "We will analyze interest rates continually in the coming months" which investors interpret as, "We're
approaching the financial apocalypse, you'd best sell all your investments, head for the hills, and stock up on canned food and
ammunition."
The market has been in a withering tailspin, and I don't trust this guy Bernanke. Frankly, I'd feel more comfortable
handing over my life savings to Charles Barkley standing at a craps table.
The good thing about the stock market slide is that I am well diversified. Which means I have investments that went down 9%
in the past two weeks, others that went down 5%, and others that only went down 3%.
And those are the domestic stocks. The international stocks have been collapsing like a house of cards. The French market
has been retreating faster than the French military.
And it seems as if the market is just waiting for a tiny bit of bad news to send it into the next tailspin. That bad news can
occur anywhere in the world. One day the U.S. markets may be up, say, 50 points, when word comes that an obscure Latvian
company that manufactures ant farms is reporting earnings two cents below expectations, sending the Dow Jones average into a
feverish free fall, declining 200 points in 15 minutes.
Or perhaps the market appears to be recovering nicely, is up 80 points an hour before the market close, all the signs and
indicators are positive, when a Nova Scotia business that makes wax lips reports a takeover attempt by a Luxembourg company
that makes plastic buck teeth, and the U.S. market dovetails into the red.
I think part of the problem lies with Bernanke. Let's be honest, Paula Abdul could've been appointed Fed Chairman in
February and the markets wouldn't have performed any worse . We could've had "Federal Reserve Chairman Carrot
Top" and the markets would've probably performed better.
What troubles me is that Bernanke seems perpetually troubled, he just doesn't seem happy, he always looks worried.
Which doesn't exactly restore faith in the world economies. Of course he's not as sad as his predecessor, Alan
Greenspan, a man so dour he made Dick Cheney look like Happy Hooligan. I think that's the solution for the stock market, we
need someone happier at the helm. I want a Fed Chairman who jumps up and down on Oprah's couch. Then I think the market
is all right, and the outlook is bright.
The following is a short list of upbeat personalities, any one of whom would make a decent Federal Reserve Chairman.
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© 2006, Brad Dickson |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
