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May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
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Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
June 26, 2006
/ 30 Sivan, 5766
Friendships need (summer)time to breathe
By
Mitch Albom
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
So I was sitting down to write this column about summer and how that season has changed, because the official "first day" of summer came last week, and for my generation, that meant a shift into slow motion, long, languid days nursing a Coca-Cola, or rolling cornmeal on fishing hooks, or seeing who had a sprinkler to run through, or taking another bicycle ride around the same five blocks.
Nowadays it seems much different. Nowadays, the first day of summer is like a starter's pistol. Kids are off to their advanced placement summer courses, or their summer space camps, or their travel baseball and soccer teams, or their dance, drama or foreign language seminars. The emphasis seems to be "don't waste time," whereas, in our summers, time was in abundant supply, and nobody minded if you wasted a few days or even weeks of it, so long as you didn't get in trouble and bother your mom and dad.
Anyhow, I was sitting down to write that column when a newspaper story caught my eye. It was page 1 of both the Detroit Free Press and USA Today. The headline in USA Today read:
"Study: 25 percent of Americans have no one to confide in"
Hmm.
According to the American Sociological Review, over the last two decades, the average American went from having three people to whom they could confide important matters to just two. And one in four Americans had no one to confide in at all.
No one to confide in.
Is there a lonelier sentence than that?
I began thinking about this problem alongside what happened to our summers. As you might expect, the sociologists blamed these study results on the typical suspects: too many people living in the suburbs and working in the city. Too many people with headphones over their ears. Too many people imprisoned before a TV set or computer screen.
But you can't blame machines for everything. We're the ones choosing to dive inside them. 
I think there's more to it. I think it starts earlier, like during the summer vacations we get as children. After all, very few adults make their "best" or "lifelong" friends when they are in their 30s. Our closest friends are usually people we've known much longer, often since we were kids. Stephen King, in one of his most memorable stories, "The Body" (which later became the movie "Stand By Me"), wrote what I always considered the best single sum-up of this. It was the last line of his tale:
"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12."
There's a reason for that.
Think about it. When do you establish the strongest bonds of friendship? Not when you're moving a million miles per hour. You do it when you're hanging around, lying in the grass, kicking a can, sleeping over in a friend's basement. When you're going slow enough to listen to your friends' words, to look them in the eye, to share those uncontrollable fits of laughter.
Friendships might be photographed at parties or celebrations, but they are forged in much quieter moments. The kids I rode bikes with when I was 12 are still guys I can talk to today. The guys I shared midnight pizza with in college are still men I can confide in if I need to.
The point is, to have a trusting friendship one that provides you with confidants you have to give it time to breathe. Not to compete. Not to text-message. To breathe, to hang out, to smile, to share time, even boring time.
So maybe when we're deciding what our kids should "accomplish" this summer, we should consider the value of slow, meandering friendships with kids who live nearby. True, such things don't give you diplomas or trophies when the summer ends.
They give you a lot more.
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© 2006, THE DETROIT FREE PRESS
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