Home
In this issue
April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review June 12, 2006 / 16 Sivan, 5766

OH, BABY ... WHAT AN EXCLUSIVE!

By Mitch Albom


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Before I share my "exclusive" interview with Brad and Angelina's baby, let's talk price. I want $4 million. Same as they reportedly got for the photos. Anybody can point and shoot a camera. It takes a special person to speak Goo Goo.

So we're agreed? And cash, no checks. Meanwhile, here's a little sample from my Blockbuster Scoop of the Year:

"So, little Shiloh, let me be the first to verbally welcome you to the world. How does it feel to be the most famous infant since Jesus?"

"Are you my dad?"

"Uh, no. He's the guy over there by the mirror, making sure his T-shirt is tight enough."

"Are you my mom?"

"Uh, no. She's the one in the low-cut tank top, making sure nobody photographs her below the chest."

"Who are all those other people?"

"Just people who love you."

"Aunts? Uncles? Grandparents?"

"Agents, managers, security guards."

"Where am I?"

"Namibia."

"Wow. I'm African."

"Uh, not exactly. Your mother's from L.A .and your father's from Oklahoma."

"So why am I in Namibia?"

"Your parents felt it was safer."

"Am I in trouble? I just got here!"

SO WHAT'S IN A NAME?
"Let's shift gears. Can you tell us, Shiloh, do you plan to be an actress?"

"Will they give me milk?"

"I suppose."

"Then I'll be whatever you want."

"Who do you think you look like, your mom or your dad?"

"Um, which is which, again?"

"Those two. Standing behind the microphones. The one with the short hair is your father."

"What's his name?"

"Brad Pitt."

"Cool. So I'm Shiloh Pitt?'

"Well, no, you're Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt."

"You're joking."

"No. Your mother's last name is Jolie — even though her father's last name is Voight — and so your last name is hyphenated."

"Why didn't they pick one name when they got married?"

"Um ... they're not married."

"Oh, GREAT! Like going to school wasn't gonna be hard enough!"

THE FINE ART OF ACTING
"Now, tell us, Shiloh — "

"What does Shiloh mean?"

"It's Hebrew."

"I'm Jewish AND African?"

"No. Your parents liked the name. It means peaceful one. It also means messiah."

"Great. No pressure there."

"How do you like the fuss over you?"

"Yeah. All these people taking my picture. Why is that?"

"Because mom and dad are actors."

"What do actors do?"

"Fake emotions to move people."

Donate to JWR

"Big deal. I got that down already. Watch. WAAAHHHHHHH! See. They give me milk just like that."

"Impressive."

"Besides, I pretty much look like every other baby. What's the big deal about me? I haven't even chewed anything yet."

"You're famous."

"What's famous?"

"It's what we all want to be!"

"Hmm. If you say so. Right now, I want to be something else."

"What's that?"

"Dry. Do you smell something? Ohmigod. Is that me? Yyucck ..."

"And that wraps up our exclusive interview with Shiloh, the most important baby on the planet. Thank you, baby, for your time."

"Can I ask you something?"

"What's that?

"Can I go back?"

"I'm afraid not."

"In that case ... WAHHHHH!" And Tums.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

MITCH'S LATEST
"The Five People You Meet in Heaven"  

A novel that explores the unexpected connections of our lives, and the idea that heaven is more than a place; it's an answer. Sales help fund JWR.



Comment on Mitch's column by clicking here.



Mitch's Archives


© 2006, THE DETROIT FREE PRESS DISTRIBUTED BY TMS, INC.

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles