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Jewish World Review June 1, 2005 / 23 Iyar, 5765 Go on, try to enjoy yourself By Lenore Skenazy
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Planning to picnic today? Whoa! Living dangerously! I really hope you come out alive, but if you don't . . . can I have your Margarita?
No, seriously, it's just that the odds don't look too good. If you read the papers, or listen to those cheerfully death-obsessed health reporters on TV, you must realize that you are about to engage in an activity right up there with scaling Mount Everest with Nicole Richie as your guide.
Like, you're probably planning to have that picnic outside, right? In the sun? So you know enough to slather on the sunblock to prevent skin cancer, right? Except that a new study says sunblock also prevents the body from making Vitamin D. And Vitamin D prevents cancer. Even skin cancer! So for every cancer death the sunblock is blocking, it's blocking the Vitamin D from preventing 30 MORE deaths. Got that? So to be safe, put on the block, go out, avoid the sun, come in, wash it off, go back out and GET some sun, but maybe the dappled kind, under a tree. And NEVER between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m.
And, hey, when and if you do brave the outdoors to (yikes!) relax, be sure to drink plenty of water. Just don't drink TOO much water or you'll flood your blood, like those marathoners who hydrated themselves to death.
Of course, if you prudently choose to hold off on the sipping, you should bring your glass in right away. Otherwise, it's nothing more than stagnant water. A pool party for mosquitoes. And not only do they carry West Nile virus, they BITE, causing itching, which must be addressed with extreme caution.
"Keep nails trimmed and clean so that if you scratch yourself, you won't be inviting an infection." That's what I read in one very helpful (though not particularly upbeat) article on summer fun.
To avoid all that, you might just want to avoid liquids and enjoy a solid-food-only picnic. No foods with mayo, of course. Otherwise: salmonella. And no undercooked chicken, otherwise: salmonella. No overcooked chicken, either, otherwise: Salmo — nope. Fooled ya! Overgrilled chicken is carcinogenic.
For, as you well know, this is the season for skateboard injuries. Wear a helmet, kneepads and — to save your eyes — sunglasses. Not just ANY sunglasses. Glasses with 100% UV protective lenses that extend at least to the sides of your eyes, but preferably all the way back to your ears.
Of course, safety also demands you avoid lawn mowers, dogs, tree pollen, balls, bees, bears, boys (who are always rolling on the ground, thereby apt to trip you) and soda.
But a picnic blanket, provided it is not harboring any deadly snakes, COULD be almost completely safe, provided . . .
What's that? You're going back inside to nap in your recliner? Well, then . . .
Can I have your Margarita?
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JWR contributor Lenore Skenazy is a columnist for The New York Daily News. Comment by clicking here. © 2005, NY Daily News |
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