
 |
|
May 20, 2013
Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
|
| |
Jewish World Review
June 17, 2005
/ 10 Sivan, 5765
What Might They Say About Jacko?
By
James Lileks
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Michael Jackson has been absolved of the charge of willful diddling, and will no doubt devote his remaining days to finding the real pedophile.
The end of the case brings a sense of relief; since Jackson collapsed more often than a three-legged card table, cable news will no longer need flash dispatches from the courtroom every time Jackson gets the vapors. Journalists can be redeployed, and perhaps we'll get some real news again. Perhaps a shark will attack a celebrity, in Baghdad that would be the cable news trifecta.
For those who felt the trial was a referendum on Jackson, the outcome is a disappointment. No jail, no cuffs just off to Neverland to party with Robert Blake, that "Home Alone" kid and some underpaid actor who's kept on retainer to wander the grounds in a Barney costume.
But this was a big case. This was a big deal. All the world has an opinion. Let us sample what some might say, if asked.
Amnesty International: While we cannot speculate on Mr. Jackson's guilt or innocence, we sympathize with his relief at avoiding America's GULAG. And by GULAG we mean the American prison system, which, like its Soviet counterpart, has walls, towers, bars, unreasonable dogs and meals that occasionally include members of the beet family. Did we mention that it's like the GULAG? Because we found some of our old credibility left, and believe us, it's harder to flush than a thick holy book. But we'll keep trying. GULAG! GULAG!
Howard Dean: Well I suppose the verdict angers Republicans because they don't like black people, frankly, unless they're standing on the lawn in a jockey uniform and made out of metal, but I suppose some Republicans are happy because you could, you know, look at Michael Jackson as just another rich white guy, and they're the party of the rich white guy. Except for me. And all you other rich white guys here in the audience. Now how about some money? Please? Aw, come on. OK, how about this: There's an interesting theory that the Saudis have film of Michael Jackson entertaining kids at President Bush's ranch in Crawford, Whateverland. And they're blackmailing Bush. I'm not saying it's true, I'm just saying it's out there. Can I have some money now? I'll do the YEAGH for your answering machine. Oh, come ON.
Joe Biden: What is unconscionable is that this administration puts forth judicial nominees who are not only anti-civil rights, anti-choice, anti-socialism and anti-matter but anti-trial itself, in that they want to return to the day when semi-minority defendants were dragged into the public square and stoned. I cannot allow that, and I will not allow that, and that is why I believe it's important to oh, the camera wasn't running? The camera is broken? Call my staff, they'll send a statement.
Various frothing posters to various frothing blogs: of corse he was innocent the whole thing was set up by rove to make a distracton for Chimpy McBushitler so no one would pay attention to Iraq and it worked!!!! Expect now some other star to get busted on bogus charges watch your back sean penn, they'll probably have you busted at customs for bringing back iraninan weed (which is awesome) so you cant tell the truth about CIA dirty trix to topple theyre governement. I'm no fan of the Iranian guv but they have to be better than our Texas Nazi Jesusland Diebold One-nation-under-Enron theocracy. I mean at least they had elections!!!!! Anyway we love you Michael and as soon as I saw Faux News was covering the trial I knew you were innocent.
Al-Zarqawi: I would use this trial as an example of the decadent West against whom we struggle, were I not decomposing.
Saddam Hussein: Can I have that jury, please? I am prepared to pay handsomely, using my remaining oil revenues. By which I mean the locks of hair I sell on eBay as souvenirs of the good old days.
Michael Jackson: Free at last, free at last! Thank Bubbles I'm free at last!
To do whatever I want.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor James Lileks is a columnist for the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Comment by clicking here.
ARCHIVES
© 2005, James Lileks
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Christine Flowers
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
A. Barton Hinkle
Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
Jack Kelly
Ch. Krauthammer
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Greg Schwem
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Lenore Skenazy
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Ben Stein
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
ZeitGeist
Mort Zuckerman

Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Lisa Benson
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
John Branch
John Cole
J. D. Crowe
Matt Davies
John Deering
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Mallard Fillmore
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Jack Ohman
Michael Ramirez
Rob Rogers
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Danna Summers
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Dan Wasserman

Tech Q&A
Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|