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May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
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May 14, 2012
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Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
June 22, 2005
/ 15 Sivan, 5765
Things get a bit fuzzy when eyeglasses go walking off
By
David Grimes
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Because I am always receptive to any intrusion the government may wish to make into our personal lives, I was very excited by the idea that school buses will soon be tracked by the Global Positioning System.
Some progressive thinkers have also suggested that students be tagged in some manner so that we can keep an eye on them when they are strolling from the cafeteria to math class.
While some conspiracy theorists may think otherwise, I cannot imagine how 24/7 surveillance of our every move can pose any problems. (The fact that I can now receive Howard Stern on the filling in my lower bicuspid is only an irritation when I'm trying to sleep.)
While GPS technology may or may not (not) make the experience of riding a school bus any more pleasant, it would certainly be of use to me in my daily routine.
For example, I spent 15 minutes this morning trying to locate my eyeglasses. I had set my eyeglasses on the nightstand the previous evening, as I always do, but at some point during the night, my eyeglasses sprouted legs and scampered off to some secret location, presumably to have illicit sex with my asthma inhaler.
It is one thing to locate eyeglasses that have developed the power of locomotion (personally I think this is a far bigger story than the fact that real estate prices have gone up, but news judgment has never been my strong suit); it is another thing entirely to try to locate them without the benefit of eyeglasses. I imagine my eyeglasses pausing from their tryst with my asthma inhaler (I suspect they also dally with my gout medicine, but that is nothing more than conjecture) to chortle while I blindly stub my big toe against the dresser and run face-first into the sliding-glass door. (A chortle is not a pleasant sound when made by humans; when eyeglasses do it, it has all the mellifluousness of an air-raid siren.)
If I had had the foresight to tag my eyeglasses so that they could be tracked by GPS (an admittedly unlikely event given the fact that I do not have sufficient foresight to put my glasses in the same spot each night), I could have located them in a thrice, or at most a thrice-and-a-half, and spared myself injuries to my forehead and big toe.
My wife is currently on vacation in Greece (don't ask), an event that has caused other inanimate objects in the house to suddenly flit away to dark, humid corners for lurid purposes that cannot be detailed in the columns of a family newspaper. In the span of three days my cell phone has ambled off (not necessarily a bad thing), the TV remote-control has disappeared (a tragedy of epic proportions) and the six-pack of beer that I had in the refrigerator has simply evaporated. (I suspect burglars.)
Although I have not personally viewed any indecent behavior (keep in mind that I can't discern a wall without my glasses), some of the noises that I've heard suggest that there is activity taking place behind the washing machine that would make "Girls Gone Wild" seem like a turnip-paring demonstration on the Food Channel.
I like to think that modern surveillance technology, particularly GPS, would solve all of my problems and restore my household to its former "G" rating.
And to the person or persons who swiped my beer, I'd just like to say ... That was really low.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor David Grimes is a columnist for The Sarasota Herald Tribune. Comment by clicking here.
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