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Jewish World Review June 8, 2005 / 30 Iyar, 5765 Happy 80th anniversary By Brad Dickson
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Last week a couple celebrated a wedding anniversary. Not just any anniversary, their 80th anniversary. It's a world's record for the longest marriage by a living couple. Experts believe this will stand as the longest marriage until one day the record is shattered by Kevin and Britney Federline.
The couple, Percy and Florence Arrowsmith, God bless 'em, are ages 105 and 100, respectively, and also hold the record for oldest aggregate age of a married couple. They reside in Hereford, England. And I'm happy to report that unlike those "World's Oldest People" who are always in the news on their birthdays and attribute their longevity to things like "drinking a quart of whiskey, smoking a carton of Lucky's, and playing with lit firecrackers and wrestling rabid coyotes every day" the Arrowsmiths list healthy reasons for their success. They say they don't sleep on an argument, and always hold hands before going to bed. Sage wisdom we all could benefit from.
It's stunning how long they've been together. In eighty years of marriage the couple have witnessed approximately 30,000 sunsets, the couple have eaten approximately 6,000 romantic meals together, and, the couple has made love approximately seventeen times. (Remember, they're British).
No, that's not true, from all appearances the Arrowsmiths have a genuinely strong relationship. But let's hope they're not the type to bring up the past while arguing. "And remember that time in 1926 when you said..."
This story appeared in the news the same day the notorious "runaway bride" was sentenced to probation. What a stark contrast. A couple who managed to maintain a stable, loving marriage eighty years past the date of their betrothal, and, a lady who contracted cold feet, shaved her head, and hopped a Greyhound to Vegas before her ceremony. In a fair world, the couple who celebrated their 80th would be the "get" story. Alas, the"runaway bride" was among the lead stories on my evening news in Los Angeles, with the Arrowsmiths bringing up the rear. . Indeed, this was actually progress, coming around television sweeps time, when the lead story on my local evening news in L.A. is traditionally something like junior college girls hopping on trampolines in go go boots.
The Arrowsmiths are being commemorated in the Guinness Book of Records. I certainly hope Guinness isn't the sole commemoration they receive. After eighty years of marriage you deserve better than being immortalized beside the world's fattest man, some nitwit who skipped rope for five days straight, and a guy who ate six-hundred gherkins in one sitting. In my opinion, someone should hold a parade for the Arrowsmiths. (With the honored couple seated in a convertible whose turn signal blinks throughout the parade route.)The Brits should close their government offices. There should be an 80-gun salute outside Windsor Castle. With the deteriorating state of marriage, making it work for eighty years is tantamount to man walking on Mars.
Just think — 80 years. Mr. Arrowsmith is one gentleman who should be bragging about his relationship. Instead we get Tom Cruise leaping on Oprah's couch screaming about his new courtship of some actress so effusively wildlife officials could've been called to shoot tranquilizing darts into his neck.
The Arrowsmiths' photo went out on the news wires and they look fantastic. Happy and content. But I don't feel they're coming completely clean. Personally, when all is said and done I'd love to see Mr. Arrowsmith step forward and reveal the true reason his marriage has lasted so long. In eight decades, he never once said she looked fat in those pants.
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© 2005, Brad Dickson |
Arnold Ahlert | |||||||||||
