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Jewish World Review June 13, 2003 / 13 Sivan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Sammy Sosa was suspended for seven games Wednesday and got a condolence call from Bill Clinton. Sosa was caught cheating when his bat shattered. Bill Clinton called to say he feels his pain and gave him the name of a good urologist in Chicago.

The U.S. Open is being played this weekend at the Olympia Fields Country Club near Chicago. The players are complaining about its length. Olympia Fields is so long that it's believed to be the only golf course ever designed by Leo Tolstoy.

Barbara Walters' chat with Hillary Clinton was a ratings smash Sunday. It was the third most-watched show all week. The interview trailed CSI and Everybody Loves Raymond but Hillary Clinton defeated Law and Order, and not for the first time.

Al Sharpton's Ford Explorer may be repossessed over a $3,600 bounced check. His response to the story was a statement that he doesn't drive or have a driver's license. One look at him and you know he traded oil for food long before Saddam Hussein ever did.

President Bush fumed Wednesday when violence resumed in the Middle East. The administration did everything it possibly could. We sold the grenade launchers to the Palestinians so they could shoot down the Apache helicopters we sold to Israel.

Don Rumsfeld gave another saber-rattling speech in Germany Wednesday. He has relatives in Germany who won't talk to him because they say he's too militant. It's like someone in Hollywood criticizing you for adult language and partial nudity.

Iraqi political leader Ahmad Chalabi flew to New York Monday and warned that Saddam Hussein is alive and on the loose in the Middle East. It's been reported that his three ex-wives are living in Syria. So that's one place not to look for him.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton