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Jewish World Review Twenty-foot fences make good neighbors By Jim Mullen http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | For weeks now, every news story that mentions the Navy Seals' wildly successful raid on Osama's house says that the terrorist mastermind had been hiding with his three wives in a "million-dollar complex" for five years. I'm no real estate expert, but if that crappy-looking house cost a million dollars, I will eat my shoe. No pool, no granite counters in the kitchen, no double-height entrance hall. We are told that Abbottabad, Pakistan, is one of the ritziest places in Pakistan. If that's ritzy, what do the unritzy places look like? Would anybody be surprised at all to find out that after Osama had been cooped up in that dumpy "million-dollar complex" for five years with three wives that he dropped the dime on himself? "Please," I can almost hear him saying into a cell phone that he knew was bugged, "Come and get me. I'm begging you. Send Jack Bauer." Some people say there's no way bin Laden could have been living in Pakistan without someone in the Pakistani government knowing about it. Really? Jaycee Lee Dugard was kidnapped near Lake Tahoe in front of many witnesses when she was 11 years old, and was only discovered 18 years later. No one noticed she had been forced to live in a tent in her kidnapper/rapist's back yard in a suburban California neighborhood. Police and social services visited the house many times over the years because her abductor was already a convicted sex criminal, yet they didn't seem to know he had a child permanently camping out around back. Despite a media firestorm and the state and local authorities using all their resources trying to find her, she remained missing in plain sight. A guy in Manhattan kept a full-grown tiger and a full-grown alligator in his rent-subsidized apartment for years, and none of his neighbors, who lived all the way across a 5 foot-wide hall, knew about it. It wasn't until someone started to complain about the zoo-like stench (it seems the lion didn't always use the giant litter box) that the outsize menagerie was discovered. If his Pakistani neighbors knew it was bin Laden living behind the charming 20-foot fence topped with razor wire, do you think they would have hung around? If you lived next door to the most wanted man in the world, knowing that he would probably be carpet bombed into oblivion the minute the Americans found out where he lived (and that was discussed), would you want to live close by? That's like asking the waiter if you can get a table close to the mafia don who just testified against a rival family. Even if you don't get killed when they gun him down, it's sure to spoil your calamari. I love this idea that news people have that everybody in Pakistan must know each other. This from people who have no idea who lives in the apartment two floors below them, much less who lives two blocks or two miles away. You won't be surprised to learn that it wasn't a reporter who found the long-missing Dugard or the tiger in the apartment. It wasn't like bin Laden was inviting people to block parties every weekend like John Gotti, and I doubt his name was on the deed to the "million-dollar complex." The White House has just announced that no one was going to get the $25 million reward for busting bin Laden. It's hard to believe that if the corrupt, double-dealing, bribe-taking politicians and generals in Pakistan knew where Osama was, they'd pass up that kind of scratch. Right now I'm wearing a shirt from an American company that says, "Made in Pakistan." This means that the guy who made the shirt must be getting paid less than the guy in Malaysia who used to make their shirts, who got paid less than the guy in China who made them before that. What had bin Laden ever done for him? If he knew, he'd take the money. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo." Previously: You must remember this… TV experts and real news Hey caller, where's the fire? My sad cushy life Pacemaker, don't you mess around with me Big Brother is skinny Flight of the snowbirds This HDTV needs child support Dear Future: Where's the dome? Not so elementary, my dear Watson A vacation revolution Your call is very unimportant to us Life: There's no app for that Bam! Practical kitchen magic Poisoning myself Ban Huck Finn in schools --- even the sanitized version! $38,000 for traffic and weather updates 2011 Predictions: Nostradamus was a hack 2010: A year of annoying junk Why do bad things happen to stupid people? Moving on from movie theaters Money never sleeps, but it does pass out President Trump kept it classy Stalking your college kid won't change a thing Putting my life in ‘Jeopardy’ Mo' government, mo' problems iLostIt Dressed for excess Expert tease The mysteries of Jersey ‘You are a toilet, where am I?’ Don't we all cheat at the game of life? What happens when I forget where Google is? Don't let the doorman hit you on the way out Picasso fiasco Purple (hair) ‘Daze’ Let me hear your body talk Working from work Babies deserve clean restrooms, too 3-year-old bear-killers are a thing of the past Money-making ideas on the fly Collecting and hoarding Chain of fools Please come pick up your acting awards, ESPN commentators, you've earned them You've been superpoked by the U.S. gov't e-Readin', e-Writin' and e-Rithmatic A pose by any other name Warning: Column contains 2010 spoilers ‘He loves only gold, only gold’ Think about direction, wonder why … Flushing your money down a diamond-studded toilet More like ‘wack’ Friday The good, the ad and the ugly The desert of the real Let books be large and in charge I was insulting people way before the Internet GPS drill sergeant: Left, right, left! Butterfly in the sky, you make winds go twice as high Music to my ears it's not You don't light up my life Fair or not: Country living is far from ‘Little House’ A parable for the ‘ages’ Top 100 Cable news stories of the century Green dumb A developing story Thinking outside the lunch box What's good for the goose is good for the scanner Newspapers will survive, but network TV? A really big show of generation gaps When pigs flu The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated Mergers and admonitions Invest in gold: little, yellow, different Stuck in Folsom Penthouse Collecting karma Setting loose the creative ‘juice’ It's all in the numbers You're damaging your brain with practical skills The real rat pack The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic Gross-ery shopping © 2009, NEA

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