In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 26, 2009/ 3 Sivan 5769

Stimulus for the dead

By Tom Purcell

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dead? What do you mean you're dead?

You heard me. My physical life has long been over. Some of us are able to show ourselves to the living and that is why I'm here now.

What do you want?

Respect, my friend -- and money.

Ah, yes, you speak of recent reports about long-dead people receiving stimulus payments from the Social Security Administration. Upward of 10,000 dead people were paid -- and some of them died very long ago.

We deserve that money.

But you're dead.

Look, remember when Bill Clinton became president? He passed a retroactive tax -- one that raised taxes of some people AFTER they had died.

You have to give Clinton points for creativity.

Well, we dead weren't going to take that lying down. We formed our own lobbying group, the AADP.

The American Association of Dead People?

That's right. As we see it, we deserve our own slice of the government-waste pie. Many of the politicians running this country certainly owe us.

Owe you?

Take the electoral process. Do you know how many candidates dead voters get elected every election cycle? You never would have heard of JFK if our coalition of the dead in Chicago hadn't been so active.

Fair enough.

And what about health care? By croaking, we save Medicare and private insurers billions -- freeing up needed resources for the living.

Another fair point.

And think of how much revenue we generate. We pay inheritance taxes when we die. We generate revenue for undertakers, graveyard caretakers, hearse manufacturers and the linen industry.

The linen industry?

Handkerchiefs. The point is, we contribute more to the living than many of the living do. We deserve our fair share of the government-waste pie.

Look, you make some fair points, but I still think it's wrong for the government to send money to the dead.

But you already are. The government has spent billions propping up dead industries and companies. It has wasted billions of taxpayer dollars on GM -- money taxpayers won't get back.

A fair point.

Look at your state governments. During boom times, they overextended themselves on wasteful programs, generous benefits for state employees and all kinds of wrongheaded ideas. Now they want to soak taxpayers even more -- some propose billions in life support from the federal government.

Another fair point.

What about the myriad of old, dead ideas that the Obama administration is pushing? Massive government spending and trillion-dollar deficits as far as the eye can see.

Such ideas may drive some of us to an early grave.

What about the government's massive intervention into health care, the auto industry, the energy industry? The folks running the government are trying to force desired outcomes in how the living receive care, the kind of cars they drive, the way energy is produced. And here's the deadest idea of all: There will be massive tax increases to pay for it all!

OK, your points are well-taken. Still, it wouldn't make sense for any government to purposely send checks to the dead. That would be so wasteful.

But don't you see? Of all the wasteful government programs, paying the dead will produce the biggest benefit. Our heirs will forge our signatures on our checks and use the money to go out to dinner, buy new televisions, maybe buy a new car.

That would be illegal, but I see your point.

As our heirs spend our money, it will stimulate the economy. As the economy grows, jobs will be produced and government revenues will go back up. Investing in the dead is a bargain. Besides, by formally establishing a new government program to pay the dead, you will help us attain eternity.


Government programs never die.

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© 2009, Tom Purcell