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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review

When pigs flu

By Jim Mullen


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | What do swine call the swine flu? Does it make them sick? How do you treat a pig with swine flu? Do you just tell them to drink a lot of liquids and get plenty of bed rest? What is a pandemic? Is that what we used to call an epidemic? Is it like Mumbai and Bombay? Or are they two different things? How many times can you say "pandemic" in one newscast? Is once too little, is 500 too much? Should we close the borders? Should we only let viruses with passports through? Can you catch swine flu if you fly first class? How many people died last year because of plain, old, regular, non-swine flu? How many died in car accidents? 45,000? When will the TV networks have a feeding frenzy on that? When someone with swine flu dies in an automobile accident, no doubt.


Who do you think will pass swine flu on to you? Your grandchildren? Someone in your doctor's waiting room? A grocery-store shopping cart? That guy who didn't wipe down the treadmill at the gym?


I know where I got it. The Flu family lives next door. Whatever they have today, I'll get in about a week. Only two of them are bedridden right now. Their other four children are handing out "How to Prevent Swine Flu" fliers around the neighborhood. I took mine with latex gloves and tossed it in the trash, then threw the glove away, but I couldn't figure out how to take off the second glove without touching it.


I watched "One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest" last night, a special documentary on the coming swine flu pandemic. They had to put it on last night because according to the show, it's highly probable that no one on earth will be alive to watch it in a month or two, which will severely cut into the TV station's advertising revenue. It replaced their normally scheduled show, the highly rated, self-given award show, "Scaring the Crap Out of You Nightly!"


The back of my throat is starting to feel scratchy and my nose is stuffed up. I guess I should just get on the phone and say my goodbyes now.


"Hello, Mary? I just wanted you to know you were the best sister a brother could have."


"Who is this?"


"Your brother, who do you think?"


"You can't borrow any money. I put four kids through college while you were out golfing and gambling. Call Las Vegas if you need money. They'll remember you. Just say 'Put it all on red!' they'll know who you are. They say there's a sucker born every minute but you are a sucker octuplet."


"This isn't about money. Swine flu has got its porky hooves around my neck and it's squeezing for all it's worth. It's getting dark, I'm having a hard time breathing, my chest hurts. I'm sneezing and coughing."


"Of course you're coughing and sneezing. Your office is a pigsty. Ever hear of a vacuum cleaner? It wouldn't surprise me if they traced the origin of swine flu right to your house. A pig that lives in close proximity to humans, isn't that what they say caused it? You're the pig living close to humans!"


"Isn't it time we let bygones be bygones? I see the light, I'm going toward the light."


"Do me a favor, when you get to the light, find your allergy medicine and take it. The pollen count was through the roof today. That's why you're sneezing and coughing."


Talk about a flash-in-the-pandemic.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

Comment by clicking here.

Jim Mullen is the author of "It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life" and "Baby's First Tattoo."


Previously:


The reports of our decline have been greatly exaggerated
Mergers and admonitions
Invest in gold: little, yellow, different
Stuck in Folsom Penthouse
Collecting karma
Setting loose the creative ‘juice’
It's all in the numbers
You're damaging your brain with practical skills
The real rat pack
The unspeakable luxury of the Park-O-Matic
Gross-ery shopping



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