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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 15, 2007 / 26 Iyar, 5767

More Letters From School

By Pat Sajak


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It’s amazing what you can find in online archives. These never-before-released letters from teachers to parents say a lot about the students and who they grew up to be.



To the parents of Harry Reid,

We’re afraid we must ban Harry from all school sporting events. Every time one of our teams falls behind, he starts yelling, “It’s over! The game is lost!” It really is harming the morale of our players. I hope we can count on your cooperation.



To the parents of Alex Rodriguez,

Alex is having an absolutely amazing year. He has an “A” average, perfect attendance, and is unfailingly polite to his teachers and his fellow students. He excels at all his extra-curricular activities as well. Therefore, it’s difficult to explain why none of us here at the school can stand him. We hope you’ll consider moving him to another school next semester.



To the parents of Katie Couric,

Katie is back to normal following her suspension. Again, we apologize, but passing off an essay written by someone else as your own is a serious offense. You should also be aware that we continue to measure and compare the test scores of the three classes in her grade, and, unfortunately, her numbers are down.



To the parents of Fred Thompson,

Is little Freddie running for class president or not? We must have an answer soon.



To the parents of Rosie O’Donnell,

Your daughter continues to disrupt our class with her shouting and bullying of the other kids. (And, by the way, we don’t appreciate her continued insistence that school officials purposely started that fire in the waste basket last week.) I’m told Rosie dreams of having a show business career one day. You should explain to her that she’ll never succeed if she continues to annoy those around her.




To the parents of Bill Clinton,

As Bill approaches his graduation from grammar school, he seems to be unduly concerned about how classes in the future will think of him. I’ve tried explaining that his fixation on a “legacy” is unhealthy for a 13-year-old. I’ll talk about it again with him when he takes me to dinner tonight.



To the parents of John Edwards,

Sadly, we have no choice but to remove John from the school’s baseball team. His play is satisfactory, but his refusal to wear a cap or helmet gives us no choice.



To the parents of Pat Sajak,

Your son continues to demonstrate outstanding abilities in all his classes. He will no doubt be hugely successful in whatever literary or scholarly pursuits he chooses. You should be very proud to have a future man of letters in your family.



To the parents of George W. Bush,

I’d like to repeat our thanks for young George’s idea of “throwing out” the company that was responsible for running our school cafeteria. Admitedly, they were doing a terrible job, but since he and his fellow students have taken over, it’s become absolutely chaotic. We’ll give him until the end of the semester to try to get things straightened out.

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JWR contributor Pat Sajak is the recipient of three Emmys, a Peoples’ Choice Award and a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He's currently the host of Wheel of Fortune.



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