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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 8, 2007 / 20 Iyar, 5767

That's disinter-tainment

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | As a journalist, I'm frequently surprised at how misinformed most members of the general public are about what it takes to be a media commentator. True, a great deal of our work involves hard-nosed news-gathering, by which I mean attending exclusive cocktail parties to discuss with other highly paid media commentators how misinformed most members of the general public are.


But beyond this sort of journalistic legwork (so called because standing around chatting for hours is brutal on the calves), success in the news business today often depends on developing an eye for emerging trends. Not to toot my own horn, but I did get in "on the ground floor" by purchasing Google stock when it was trading at just $450 (I bought 1/8 of a share) while I also recall watching Emmitt Smith during his record-setting football days and thinking to myself, "Sure, but what people really want to see is how he dances the Flamenco."


So you can probably imagine how my trend-attuned ears pricked up when I heard about plans to exhume the corpse of legendary escape artist Harry Houdini. If these plans go through, Houdini will join such other notables as Jesse James, President Zachary Taylor and the Big Bopper in the ranks of famous people whose bodies have been dug up in the past few years so that forensic science can answer unfounded questions about their deaths that almost no one was really asking.


This trend is driven mainly by the descendents of celebrities looking to bask in what's left of a long-dead forebear's reflected glory. First they find some oddball who's dreamed up a conspiracy theory about how their famous ancestor was murdered, faked his own death, had a vestigial tail, died while carrying Elvis' love child, etc. Next they send out a press release and — bam! — the following morning Matt Lauer is at the door with a camera crew and a set of shovels.


This was what happened to 1950s rocker The Big Bopper, who was dug up at his son's request in January. The ostensible reason for the exhuming was to settle rumors that the Bopper had suffered a gunshot wound aboard the plane prior to the crash that famously also took the lives of fellow music stars Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.


Predictably enough, the resulting autopsy revealed nothing unexpected except that the Big Bopper was, in his son's words, "in remarkable shape" for a 48 year-old corpse (The article where I got this information didn't mention how many other 48-year-old corpses the "Little Bopper" had dug up as a basis for comparison).


But my question is, what if they had found a bullet hole in the Big Bopper? Then what? Would they have dug up Buddy Holly to test his fingers for gunshot residue? And then, of course, to determine exactly what happened on the plane that fateful night, they'd have to unearth Ritchie Valens to see whether the "La Bamba" singer had died with his hand outstretched and his mouth shouting the word, "Nooooooo!"


So now, unless the old master can pull one last miraculous escape, Houdini will be the latest famous corpse unearthed, this time to prove whether he died, as long believed, of appendicitis, or was poisoned by his enemies in the phony psychic community. And, just to avoid having to do it all over again later, they also may be checking his tissue for signs of the newly discovered "gay" gene.


Well, since there seems to be no stopping this trend, I figure I'll just try to capitalize on it instead. That's why I'm reinvesting all my Google profits in a startup company that publishes maps to celebrity graves. But now they give you a free home DNA kit with every purchase!

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

05/02/07:You Are (not) Getting Sleepy...
04/18/07: No time like Father Time
03/15/07: Deface the Nation
03/08/07: More gifts? You shouldn't have
02/22/07: Relationships can be such a chore
12/05/06: Who's calling the shots?
11/09/06: I'm taking selling to a whole new level
10/27/06: Some skills are beyond repair
10/18/06: You can't tech it with you
10/04/06: Award to the wise
08/24/06: Phrased and Confused
08/09/06: We're Gonna Party Like it's $19.99
07/19/06: Just Singing in the Brain
05/24/06: Who says you can't go home again?
05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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