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May 23, 2012
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
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Jewish World Review
May 11, 2006
/ 13 Iyar, 5766
When nightly news stories go off script
By
Malcolm Fleschner
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Like most American news consumers, I enjoy the kind of offbeat, heartwarming or downright unbelievable stories that are frequently
inserted into the last few minutes of the local evening newscast. These stories typically resonate with viewers because they often
follow a familiar script — the trucker who emerges from a coma 10 years after running his 18-wheeler off a highway embankment, the
mother grizzly bear at the local zoo who adopts and starts raising a wayward kitten or the 26-year-old stripper and 89-year-old
billionaire oil tycoon who fall in love and get married.
The only problem is that when you revisit the story, it often becomes clear that the characters involved have forgotten about the
"happily ever after" part. Check back in and you discover that less than a month after being released from the hospital, the coma
victim's already been pulled over twice for DUI; the adopted kitten mysteriously went missing one day — coincidentally on the same
day that the zookeepers fell behind schedule with the feeding; and a year after the wedding the elderly billionaire has died, revealing
in his personal papers that the whole time his young bride had only been after one thing: sex.
One high-profile example of this sort of scripted-event-gone-wrong took place last year with the story of Jennifer Wilbanks, a young
bride-to-be who appeared to come down with the worst case of cold feet in recorded pre-marital history. At first the nation was
captivated by this real-life Runaway Bride who disappeared just a few days before she was scheduled to get married in the presence
of 600 guests and roughly 250 metric tons' worth of chiffon covering her bridesmaids. That the whole scenario mirrored the plot of a
popular movie was just the icing on our round-the-clock cable news coverage cake.
True, the script wasn't exactly perfect. In the hands of a capable Hollywood screenwriter the bride-to-be would have hung on until the
actual wedding day, and then, just before the exchange of "I do's," literally taken flight, preferably by fashioning two fire
extinguishers and a chafing dish into a makeshift jet pack.
But the story was good enough, or at least it was until the unfortunate truth about Wilbanks' unbalanced mental state began to
emerge. "Honey, do you remember Julia Roberts getting arrested for calling the police from an Albuquerque bus station with phony
allegations of kidnapping and sexual assault?" a perplexed nation of viewers was left to wonder. "And where the hell is Richard
Gere?"
Two other folks who recently failed to fulfill their proper roles during an otherwise well-scripted national media event were Elbert and
Becky Higginbotham, an Oregon couple who disappeared for two weeks in March when their RV got stuck in a snowdrift on a
remote logging road. The coverage of their daring, last-minute rescue, including all the requisite scenes of tearful reunions with
family members, was duly beamed out across the nation.
But then the story took an unexpected twist when, just a few days after their rescue, the couple went missing again. What are the
odds, right? Wait, before you answer that question, you should know that among the viewers of the joyous rescue scene were
members of the Arizona state police, who were also looking for the missing couple, if for slightly different reasons. It turned out that
the Higgenbothams had been purposely maintaining a low profile in Oregon since fleeing arrest warrants on drug and weapons
charges in Arizona. Whoops! Readers will be relieved to learn that the couple has been located again, and should be safe from snow
drifts once their extradition to face trial in Arizona is completed.
Speaking of criminal acts, my faith in the chances that a deliciously offbeat story may actually live up to its billing was restored
recently by the master of illusion himself, David Copperfield. Accosted by armed thieves one night last week after a performance,
the magician used his sleight-of-hand skills to palm his wallet and cell phone, fooling the would-be-muggers into believing that his
pockets were empty. Talk about an everyday application of job skills! This is not something that the average CPA could pull off.
Needless to say, experts agree this may be Copperfield's greatest off-stage performance since he tricked supermodel Claudia
Schiffer into dating a magician for six years.
While I appreciate how well Copperfield performed in this almost-too-good-to-be-true story, I admit there's still room for improvement.
A better version would have had the magician turning the tables on one of the thieves by saying, "Why rob me when you've already
got plenty of money? Why look, there's a quarter right here behind your ear." And then he would vanish in a puff of smoke. Or
maybe the Runaway Bride could grab him up while flying by with her jet pack. Just as long as he sticks to the script.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.
Previously:
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning
© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner
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