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May 20, 2013

Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?

Hannan Adely: Town raises Palestinian flag at City Hall

Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Morgan Housel: When smart investors do stupid things

Sharon Saloman, M.S., R.D.: Hunger games: Eat more, weigh less, without starving

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star

The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation

David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church

Emily Alpert: Recession dragged down birth rates for less-educated women
Morgan Housel: The deep downside of home ownership

Peter Teffer: Will Dutch police soon be stalking cybercriminals on your computer?

Heidi McIndoo, M.S., R.D.: Meatless 'meat' can have its own set of problems

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate! This must-try appetizer is delicate yet has depth of flavor: Corn-Leek Cakes with Caviar, Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche

May 10, 2013

Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be

Caroline B. Glick: The dirty little secret about Israel's Arabs

Mona Charen: Hawking's Moral Calculus: The man and the movement he embraces
Morgan Housel: The biggest retirement myth ever told

Sandi Doughton: Eyes may provide new insight into brain problems

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : The Great Gatsby's Jewish Ties; Jews in the "Time 100 list" List; People's Most Beautiful Women

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A sweet-hot meal: Pear salsa spices up salmon

May 8, 2013

Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas

Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate

Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
Amanda Paulson: Study reveals sad truths about community colleges

Harvard Health Letters: Evidence weak that zinc, echinacea are beneficial

The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility

May 6, 2013

Edmund Sanders and Patrick J. McDonnell: Think Israel's objective in Syria is to weaken Assad or embolden the rebels? Think again

Brian Bennett: Israeli airstrikes may show weakness in Syrian defense

Michael Ollove: Millions of ex-felons, parolees and those on probation are about to be entitled to tax-payer paid health coverage
Karen Kaplan: Most men can skip PSA test for prostate cancer, urologists say

Kimberly Lankford: How to track down a lost life insurance policy

Dream of Mars exploration achievable, experts say

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan M. Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal

May 3, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text

Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public

Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study
Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert

May 1, 2013

Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy

Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push

Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Halena M. Gazelka, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: What you need to know about implanted pain relief devices

Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine

Jessica Shugart: When it comes to math, MRIs may be better than IQs

The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: The celebrated chef on how high-maintenance ASPARAGUS RISOTTO need not be

April 29, 2013

Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust

Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?

Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Morgan Housel: He's rich, smart and old: Listen to him

Thomas Salinas, D.D.S.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: The safety of amalgam fillings

Harvard Health Letters: Tomatoes and stroke protection

Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Swing into spring with lemon cream pie

April 26, 2013

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The world is a mirror

Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama

Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance

Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen?

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver)

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead

April 24, 2013

Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret

Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication?

Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.: How to easily get more Omega-3s in your diet

Melissa Healy: Pot in a pill: All the pain relief without the smoke

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: Chipotle Chili Butternut Squash Soup is bold, zesty, hot

April 22, 2013

Ken Dilanian: Counterterrorism's future is unclear

US man departing country arrested on terror charges
Barbara Williams: An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer

P.J. Skerrett, M.D.: How to recognize a good whole grain product

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Teen actor Jonah Bobo in New Flick: Hunky James Wolk on Mad Men; Erich Segal's Daughter Writes Prize-Winning Jewish Novel


Jewish World Review May 24, 2006 / 26 Iyar, 5766

Who says you can't go home again?

By Malcolm Fleschner


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Here it is again, the time of year when many college students wistfully reflect on the past four years of studies and think to themselves, "Wait, four years and I'm still only a sophomore? Man, I really have to start hitting the books."


Those of you who are actually graduating, however, will first want to attend your commencement exercises. This is a centuries-old tradition in which the berobed Leaders of Tomorrow are compelled to sit through one final boring lecture from a Leader of Today. Then it's off to the graduation party for a last chance at scoring with that hottie you lusted after in Human Sexuality class.


Sadly, because of a scheduling conflict, this year I will be unable to deliver a commencement speech at the top university that inquired about my availability. And here I use the term "scheduling conflict" to mean "lack of interest," and "inquired about my availability" to mean "did not return my phone calls." Oh, and "top university" might be more accurately rendered as "The Learning Annex."


It's a shame I won't be giving this speech, however, because today's young graduates could really use some help with my proposed topic: preparing for a sound financial future. Back in college I only took one economics class, but I was deeply affected by a lesson I learned from the professor — specifically, that someone can dedicate his life to studying economics and still drive a beat up 15-year-old Volkswagen Jetta.


To avoid this fate, new college graduates will have to learn to be frugal. And with housing costs what they are, what better way to begin than by moving back in with your parents?


Admittedly, you may worry that your moving home represents a failure of long term planning. And it does. By your parents. When they got wind of your plans to major in "hydroponic agriculture," your folks should have immediately put the house on the market and moved into a one-bedroom condo, leaving no forwarding address.


But instead they were foolish enough to think that setting fire to all your Marilyn Manson memorabilia, installing tasteful window treatments and pointedly referring to your old room as the "guest room" would be sufficient to keep you away. Nice try, mom and dad!


Moving back will undoubtedly save you money in the short term, but if you ever hope to establish an independent identity in the world, you will have to face an unpleasant truth: you can't live with your parents forever. Eventually they're going to have to move out.


To you this probably sounds like the ideal solution to your housing problem, but your parents may see things differently. They will likely argue that they deserve to stay, simply because they've spent their entire adult lives working hard to establish a comfortable home for themselves.


But look at the facts: your parents have high-paying jobs, equity, good credit, plenty of assets and functioning means of transportation. You have none of these things, yet you're the one who's supposed to move out? This is exactly the kind of fascistic, discriminatory thinking your socialist professors warned you about in the real world.

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So how do you get your parents out? For the answer, take a page out of your Psychology 101 textbook. Now cross out all the gobbledygook you highlighted in yellow and, in the margin, write down the following three point plan:


1. What's mine is mine Instead of telling people that you live with your parents, always explain that your parents live with you. Eventually transition into saying that they're merely staying with you, and then that they're just visiting. Soon your folks won't bat an eyelash when you start referring to the place as "my house."


2. Pound the pavement together Masters of subtlety that they are, your parents will likely start placing the classified section of the paper on the kitchen table every morning, with certain rental opportunities circled. Go ahead and take your parents along to check out prospective places to live (just don't specify for whom), but look exclusively at houses for sale. Be sure to comment on what a nice place each one is, although, sadly, way out of your price range.


3. I know what you did during the '90s All parents have secrets they keep from their kids. In conversation, make frequent reference to "knowing more than I let on," casually mention that "there are some things children shouldn't know about their parents," and imply that you'd hate to "have to alert the authorities to certain activities."


Follow these steps and your parents will soon realize that they're better off getting a new place than trying to extricate you from the old one. Just don't count on getting anything in the will.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Malcolm Fleschner is a humor columnist for The DC Examiner. Let him know what you think by clicking here.


Previously:

05/11/06: When nightly news stories go off script
04/26/06: Cents and sensibility: A thought for your pennies
03/16/06: The day the Muzak died
02/23/06: Checkbook diplomacy begins at home
02/15/06: Today's toys: Where learning means earning



© 2006, Malcolm Fleschner

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