In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 10, 2006 / 12 Iyar, 5766

Sit down for this one

By Brad Dickson

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Did you ever go to the circus and see twenty clowns climb out of one car? You may soon get to witness the aviation equivalent of that feat Airbus has reportedly pitched a "standing room only" option to certain Asian carriers that calls for creating a section where passengers are propped against padded backboards, and then held in place with harnesses. What you've just read is not a misprint.

This innovation may soon spread to commercial airlines throughout the U.S., who are running out of traditional ways to degrade, debase and humiliate passengers. Imagine propping people against padded backboards and strapping them in with harnesses for hours? Air travel has bottomed out when passengers resemble a David Blaine stunt gone wrong.

In addition, some U.S. airlines have been quietly slipping six extra seats onto planes, creating borderline inhumane crowding conditions, making airlines identical to airborne Turkish prisons, if Turkish prisons had less appealing restroom facilities.

Not only are they cramming more passengers onto planes, but the seats are getting smaller as the passengers' luggage gets bigger, with carry-on bags with wheels attached now resembling stretch Humvees as passengers freely roll them onto the plane, scattering other passengers like bowling pins.

No wonder Hare Krishnas fled the airports, being linked to commercial airlines was bad for their reputations.

Between the long lines at security checkpoints, the invasive security patdowns (which used to be called "getting to second base"), the quality and dearth of food, and the high fuel-related costs, the best thing about airline travel is now the barely English-speaking reservation agent who answers the 800-line in New Delhi, and mispronounces Phoenix.

Remember the good old days? Those halcyon days when flights weren't crowded, costs were reasonable, and there was no concern about terrorism? Remember when male passengers actually put on a coat and tie? Now before flying I don a rubber suit to protect me from the projectile vomit of the drunken pilots.

I miss those days when flying was so special people dressed up, when passengers didn't look like refugees fleeing a natural disaster. I saw a passenger recently wearing nothing but a bathrobe and flip flops, which I wouldn't have minded so much had the guy bothered to tie his robe.

I've also seen an entire family board a cross country flight in their bathing suits. So the good news is next time the airlines lose my luggage I'll just wrap a pilfered Holiday Inn towel around my waist and head for the airport, I'll fit right in.

Meanwhile, airlines have actually upgraded their first class sections, with in-seat massagers and "lie flat" seats on international flights.

The resulting schism between first class and coach creates a divide the likes of which hasn't been seen since before the fall of the Berlin Wall. The uncomfortable feeling as one walks past the Haves (First Class passengers) into the Have Not (Coach) section has grown exponentially more uncomfortable.

I used to enjoy flying. The declining quality of airline travel has resulted in that no longer being the case. The following is a short list of things I'd rather do than board a commercial airliner.

  • Undergo root canal

  • Spend a weekend locked in a tiny room with my mother-in-law

  • Take away meat from a hungry pit bull

  • Take away a jelly roll from my mother-in-law

  • Watch an NBC television program

  • Go hunting with Dick Cheney dressed as a quail

Meanwhile, nearly all the airlines are struggling financially. Collectively the airlines couldn't do worse if they were taking investment advice from MC Hamer, and Mike Tyson was in charge of the pension plan. Airline bankruptcies are now as ubiquitous as airline crying babies. And so in order to save money they keep cutting back on "amenities" so many of which have been eliminated the only "amenities" left are bags of salt with a couple pretzels inside, and the oxygen masks, which will probably soon be replaced with much cheaper nose plugs to be used in event of a water landing.

So go ahead, try to make a profit by selling standing room only tickets. Don't stop there. Stucco passengers onto wheel wells. Super-Glue us to the wings. Cram in ten more paying passengers by removing the restrooms and telling people to "just hold it, we're almost there."

And by all means, harness us to padded walls. A harness is a term generally associated with horses, who are amongst the dumbest of animals, but are still intelligent enough to not fly commercial.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.


© 2006, Brad Dickson