In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 18, 2005 /9 Iyar, 5765

Rich in possessions, poorer in wallet

By Marybeth Hicks

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | There was no way to avoid it. I needed two replacement smoke alarms, nonfat nondairy creamer and sidewalk chalk. The bizarre and unrelated nature of my shopping list forced me into the fluorescent-green glow of the one-stop big-box superstore.

I'm ambling from hardware through housewares and past the toy department — just across the aisle from beach towels and a display of discount videos — when I hear the unmistakable wailing of a preschooler in distress.

I round the corner on the Lego aisle, and there, holding what appears to be a set of SpongeBob SquarePants action figures, is a boy of about 4 years old. He is crying — no, make that bawling — and begging his father, "Please, Daddy, pleeeeeease can I have it?"

Dad glances quickly in my direction, though our eyes don't meet. I keep my pace toward electronics as I hear him say, "Maybe for your birthday."

His little son piles it on: "Please, please, please Daddy." The child is relentless.

The boy's begging causes some sort of chemical reaction in my brain. I nearly stop in my tracks and head back to the toy department to buy the action figures for him myself. Then I overhear his dad's tone of voice change sharply. "No," he says.

That's all I hear because the sound of his fatherly retort is muffled by racks of exercise clothes.

Immediately I'm proud of this father and baffled by the readiness of my sympathy for his little boy. Children who cry for what they want usually repel me.

I think it was the begging — as if the action figures were the little boy's lifeline, his last, best hope for happiness. The boy was convincing; I have to give it to him.

So what makes a 4-year-old boy so intent on owning rubber replicas of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krebs?

As long as I'm pondering this question, here's another: Why does my 7-year-old daughter think our dog would look cute in a Prada dog collar (assuming there is such a thing, which she swears there must be "for Paris Hilton's dog")?

The quick answer is television, of course. According to TV-Turnoff Network, a nonprofit organization that encourages children and adults to watch much less television in order to promote healthier lives and communities (www.tvturnoff.org), children view roughly 40,000 television commercials per year, developing brand loyalty by age 2. Ninety-seven percent of American children younger than 6 own products based on TV shows or movies, which means the relationship between viewing and purchasing goes well beyond traditional advertising.

The dad at the superstore could confirm the strength of this marketing tactic.

Yet television alone can't explain why middle school lockers from coast to coast house purses made by designers Downey & Bourke or Louis Vuitton or why those handbags are holding IPods and MAC makeup and Coach wallets and Motorola flip phones with built-in cameras.

Not all middle school lockers are full of such pricey products — not my daughter's, anyway. Nevertheless, there is enough consumerism in children to convince me we're raising a generation of people who think they are what they own.

Case in point: My youngest daughter needed sneakers. She loves the color pink, so I picked out the only pair of pink-and-white shoes I could find that looked sturdy and comfortable. She tried them on, hopped across the shoe department, claimed they made her jump higher than the old shoes and pronounced them suitable.

I paid for the shoes and — as is our custom — she wore them out of the store, the old pair having been tossed into the trash bin under the cash register.

It turned out the shoes I bought for my second-grader were made by Phat Farm, a company that says its products are "born out of the hip-hop lifestyle." According to one of my older daughter's friends, those sneakers "make a statement," though what that statement might be, I can't say. I know this for certain: If my children are on the cutting edge of hip, it's probably by accident.

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On the other hand, my eighth-grade daughter would love to own an IPod. "Everybody" has one, while she still uses a personal CD player that requires her to carry a stash of compact discs. An IPod would hold 5,000 songs (read "which you, Mom, could buy for me on ITunes." This is an item I'm not likely to purchase accidentally.

It's not that I think she's exaggerating. There do seem to be an awful lot of children walking around with $300 worth of digital music players in their pockets. In fact, after a recent school function, I stayed behind to help clean up and found someone's IPod left carelessly on the floor of a classroom. "Who leaves an IPod player on the floor and walks away?" I asked.

"Someone who didn't pay for it," another mom said. And there's the rub.

It's hard to say no when children ask for things, but it's the only way to teach them to delay gratification, earn what they own and be responsible. Of course, it's easier if you start in the toy department when they're little.

That superstore dad may have had lots of reasons for saying "no" to the SpongeBob set. Perhaps he didn't have the money to buy it; perhaps his son already has a toy box full of rubber figurines; perhaps he just loathes the idea of a talking sponge wearing trousers.

Whatever the reason, his decision reflected a belief it was better to say "no" than to give in to the urgent desire of a child's frenzied consumerism. You go, Dad.

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JWR contributor Marybeth Hicks, a wife of 17 years and mother of four children, lives in the Midwest. She uses her column to share her perspective on issues and experiences that shape families nationwide. To comment, please click here.


© 2005, Marybeth Hicks