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March 19, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: The Divine is in the details
JWisdom.com Stewards of sacrifice with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama is waging war on Israel
March 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Israel's New Enemy: America?
JWisdom.com Love me not? with Rabbi David Aaron (5 minutes)
Jonathan Rosenblum: Washington Throws a Tantrum
March 17, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Orwell, Santayana, and Me
Jonathan Tobin: How Many Lives Is Biden's Pride Worth?
March 16, 2010
Steven Emerson: Combating Lawfare
JWisdom.com How to perform a miracle with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair (4 minutes)
Anne Bayefsky: Behind Obama's Dangerous Overreaction on Israel
March 15, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Father's obligations toward minor children
JWisdom.com Moody, Grumpy, Irritable Children with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Judith Graham: Get the whole picture before a CT
March 12, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: You CAN have Heaven on Earth
JWisdom.com Manufacturing mediums with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The march of the Red-Green brigades
March 11, 2010
Glenn Garvin: Conspiracy theories, why people believe them and how they spread
JWisdom.com For Yourself, Not By Yourself with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Turn leftovers into tasty New England hash
Paul Richter: Biden promises 'viable Palestine' is in the offing
March 10, 2010
Paul Greenberg: Death Checks In
JWisdom.com How To Get A (Real) Life with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( EXTENDED EPISODE)
Paul Richter: Israel exerts soverign right to its capital as Biden looks on astounded
Richard A. Serrano: 'Jihad Jane' indictment alleges threat from within U.S.
March 9, 2010
Wesley Pruden: Joe's Israeli adventure
JWisdom.com Free To Be (Responsibly) You and Me! with Rabbi Naftali Brawer ( 8 MINUTES)
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to rule on free speech in case of soldier's funeral
March 8, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Make a fuss about those who cuss?
JWisdom.com Finding or Losing Yourself? Here's How! with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Steven Emerson: America must learn from the UK about the future of Islamist subversion
March 5, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: Golden Calf still with us --- except it has multiplied
JWisdom.com The Limits of Eternity with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Biden's lost cause
March 4, 2010
Alan M. Dershowitz: How About A Real Campaign Against Abuses?
JWisdom.com Using Things, Loving People with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff ( 7 MINUTES)
Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkel's Everything's Relative
March 3, 2010
JWisdom.com Grasping The Name of Your Life Game with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( 8 MINUTES)
The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta : A cowboy's recipes for really good grub
March 2, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Someone's there
Diane Toroian Keaggy : Have we misunderstood Michelangelo?
March 1, 2010
JWisdom.com Whole in One with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Michael Muskal: Hillary meets with Israeli official, discusses gefilte fish dispute
Feb. 26, 2010
Rabbi Francis Nataf: The Megilla of Spring
JWisdom.com A Biblical Secret for a More Powerful You with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: When rhetoric rules the roost
Feb. 25, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: When walking away from your mortgage is both economically sound and makes ethical sense
JWisdom.com The Second Most Important Question in Your Life with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh ( 5 MINUTES)
Seema Mehta : U.S.-Israel relations raised in California's Senate race --- by conservatives
Feb. 24, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: The gift of the ‘prayer bomber’
Steven Emerson: Why Religious Freedom Commission is under attack
Feb. 23, 2010
Dennis Prager: Government, Yes! The Divine and Parents, No!
JWisdom.com The Last Laugh of Enlightenment with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair ( 5 MINUTES)
Anne Applebaum: Prepare for war with Iran --- in case Israel strikes
Feb. 22, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Is it not refreshing Tiger Woods' career has crashed and burned so dramatically?
JWisdom.com Esther and the third Truth with Rabbi David Aaron ( 9 MINUTES)
Kelly Brewington: Going smoke-free may raise diabetes risk
Feb. 19, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: Is the Divine beyond us or within us?
JWisdom.com Olympic Faith with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Israel and the West are perpetrators of a myth that endangers the Jewish State
Feb. 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Who is Rashad Hussain?
JWisdom.com A Wedding Disaster to Remember with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein ( 3 MINUTES)
Feb. 17, 2010
JWisdom.com Think your life is messed up? with Rabbi David Aaron ( 11 MINUTES)
Greg Logan: 'Greatest Jewish sporting event of all time since David versus Goliath' may be postponed because of bar mitzvah
Feb. 16, 2010
Anya Martin : Boy's 'cerebral palsy' fixed with diet
JWisdom.com Feet On The Street Spirituality with Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 8 MINUTES)
Marty Peretz: Let Europe Mind Its Own Business. It Brings Nothing To The Table Save For Mischief
Feb. 15, 2010
Herb Geduld: Lincoln and the Jews
JWisdom.com Are Our Children Really Ours? with Rabbi Mordechai Becher ( 5 MINUTES)
Susan King: 'Wolf Man' reflected writer's wartime Jewish experience

Jewish World Review May 25, 2005 / 16 Iyar, 5765

Class of 2005

By Brad Dickson


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | It's that time of year when high schools, universities and driving schools are holding commencement exercises. (Which is the only form of exercise most of our young people get.) Some graduates are lucky to have a famed political figure, like President Bush or Bill Clinton, as their commencement speaker. Other grads hear from stand up comedians like Bill Cosby or Laura Bush. Still others are forced to endure listening to local entrepreneurs, like car salesmen, talk about the secret of their success. (Hiring a guy in a gorilla suit to wave at passing motorists?)

Nobody has ever invited me to speak at commencement. But in case they ever do, every year at this time I like to prepare a little something, which I will now share with you.

"Hello, Class of 2005. Looking out at the grads I see so many tattoos and body piercings I feel like I'm at a convention of NBA players, ha-ha. Congratulations, you've now graduated, and in another fifty to sixty years should have put a decent sized dent in paying off your student loan debt.

Some of you now hold degrees in computer science and engineering, which will allow you to accept jobs immediately. Others hold degrees in Art History and English, which means you will be answering to a new title like "Waiter." Or perhaps, "Blood Plasma Donor."

Graduates, I'd like to make certain you realize how lucky you are to live in the United States. The only country on the face of the Earth where a Runaway Bride or a photo of Saddam Hussein in his drawers can knock the fact North Korea is developing nuclear weapons off the front page. A country where two out of three citizens cannot name their own congressman, and the third guy can't even tell you what congress is.

I'd like to encourage you to continue your education by reading. Whether you read science fiction, philosophy, historical novels or even sensationalistic tabloid trash like the Weekly World News or Newsweek Magazine, reading is important. I realize a small percentage of you college grads cannot read. Not to worry, most of you who fall into this category will enjoy lucrative professional football or basketball careers. So why bother?

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One thing you will quickly realize upon entering the work force is that life is not fair. Some will toil in low paying jobs with little opportunity for advancement while others will ascend to the top of the ladder and become corporate CEOs. However, those who become CEOs usually end up indicted for some profit inflating scheme and are placed in prison where they will live in tiny rooms, eat lousy food, and think about sex all day. Which sounds just like college when you think about it.

I'd like to encourage you to stay abreast of world events. There are all kinds of interesting stories in the news. Just today the important stories in the news include what celebrities are testifying in the Michael Jackson case, which adult magazines Michael kept under his bed, how much Tom Cruise loves Katie Holmes, and, what the Runaway Bride thinks about Alan Greenspan stepping down next year.

Most importantly, as you go forward in life do not dismiss the relevance of fast food restaurants. Many of you will find the road to success so full of potholes the only way you will ever realize the American Dream is by filing suit against a fast food chain for making you fat or because you (wink, wink) found a severed finger in your chili. Whatever it takes to get ahead, I say.

In closing I'd like to add if all else fails just hire a man in a gorilla suit to stand outside your business waving at people passing by. It seems to work."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.



JWR contributor Brad Dickson was a monologue staff writer for The Tonight Show With Jay Leno for 13 years. He's presently developing a network television pilot. Comment by clicking here.


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