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December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 1, 2013 / 11 Nissan, 5773

Observations from the auto shop holding pen

By A. Barton Hinkle




http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Author's note: Prolonged confinement in a car mechanic's waiting room can induce hallucinations. The following is one of them.

From the logbook of Capt. A. Hinkle of the Starship Mazda Protégé, stardate 309782.

Severe mechanical failure occurred at 06383181125, resulting in forced landing in space/time sector 57a5, hereinafter "Auto Repair Shop."

Initial impressions: Atmosphere - stale but breathable. Climate - temperate. Population - humanoid. Vegetation - minimal. Native garb - blue jumpsuit.

My captor is a full-grown adult male - at least 200 pounds. His manner is curt but not overtly hostile. He barks a series of questions at me. I do not understand them, and my attempts to answer only seem to annoy him. He gives me a form to sign, then leads me to a holding pen. There is no door, no gate, no barrier of any kind. Yet he seems confident I will not attempt an escape.

He is right, of course. Where could I possibly go?

[Later]

Further observations:

The walls of the holding pen are hung with curious signboards. Some of these appear religious or hortatory ( "OUR COMMITMENT"; "SERVICE"). Some give cryptic commands ("STOP 10 FEET SOONER"). Another, perhaps a kind of Zen koan, seems designed to inspire contemplation of life's boundless possibilities: "WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?" Another encourages literacy: "WHAT DOES YOUR ODOMETER READ?"

[Later still]

A fellow prisoner joins me in the holding pen. We make brief eye contact and nod warily to each other, but do not speak. It seems wiser not to. The newcomer claims a chair a safe distance away from me. He removes a small black object from his pocket and gazes intently at it, poking and stroking it from time to time with the tip of a finger. I think it is some kind of pet.

A large window in the holding pen affords a view into a cavernous space. It is filled with machinery, hoses, carts, tanks, and all manner of strange implements. Several of the males in jumpsuits mill about. Their activity seems to lack focus, but its purpose becomes clear enough when a large door opens and a tremendous mechanical creature, perhaps 10 feet long, enters the bay. It is covered in metallic armor plating and gives a deep, menacing rumble. The workers raise it up on a huge throne and begin grooming the creature, polishing it, rendering unto it various ministrations, and pouring it ritual libations from containers marked VALVOLINE. It is clear that the tribesmen worship these mech-beasts, and see the care and feeding of the creatures as their own main purpose in this place.

Afterthought: Their divinity system may be pantheistic. There are numerous totems here honoring MONROE and NAPA. The names may refer to two distinct deities or to one that goes by different

[pages missing]

captors seem completely oblivious to

my physical needs. When I could wait no longer and feared I might soil myself I found a lavatory for my evacuations. But I have so far discovered no source of sustenance, at least none suitable to me. My captors occasionally enter the holding pen to drink a foul, black liquid called GOURMET BREW, which they decant into small white cups. They seem to require no other nourishment. Summoning all my courage I ventured to taste the broth when I felt certain no one was looking. A mistake - it was scalding hot and cruelly bitter. I can only conclude it is some kind of burnt offering.

My stomach rumbles constantly; my head swims; I feel weak. If my captors do not feed me soon I may be forced to take desperate measures. Perhaps if they turn their backs I may learn the taste of Valvoline.

[day ???]

The social hierarchy appears egalitarian, but there is a clearly defined division of labor between SERVICE AREA and OFFICE. Yet there must be some kind of stratification beyond these walls. Some of the signboards refer to a TIRE KING and a KING OF THE ROAD. (A feudal system like that of the planet Arrakis?)

Random observation: Initial captor/prisoner interaction highly ritualized. Each encounter begins with captor's incantation: "What can I do you for?" Written form of communication short and emphatic: NEW! FREE! EYE PROTECTION AREA! I do not know whether

[pages missing]

long have I been here? I have no way

to know. It feels like years … decades. The experiential nature of temporal phenomena seems different in the holding pen, as though real time has been replaced with a synthetic substitute, a kind of plastic dimension where events transpire but time never passes.

My captors go back and forth, talking among themselves and sipping GOURMET BREW. The metal beasts come in, are serviced, and depart. Auto Repair Shop, I begin to see, has its own internal rhythms. But I am not a part of them. I am in this place, but not of this place. I feel as though I am in stasis.

Another prisoner comes in. He sits, waits, leaves. And another. And another.

How is it that they are free to go, and I am not? No answer comes.

I stay here. Alone. Forgotten. Ignored. Fate has decreed that I shall die here, that much is clear. The only question is whether I will succumb first to starvation or ennui.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

A. Barton Hinkle is Deputy Editor of the Editorial Pages at Richmond Times-Dispatch Comment by clicking here.


Previously:




03/14/13: The nation-building follies
03/12/13: Will the right come around on pot?
03/07/13: Another U.S. dupe falls for a dictator
02/28/13: How dare you say that here!
02/26/13: Eating Frito-Lay chips at gunpoint
02/20/13: Death Star petitions are just what we need
02/13/13: ObamaCare proves law correct --- deep down you knew it would
01/29/13: It's Time to Get Judgy About Incompetency
01/23/13: Look who's mocking fascist fear-mongering now
01/16/13: Only in Washington could you get away with referring to spending and tax increases as spending 'cuts'
01/09/13: Obama begins his second term, Bush's fourth
01/07/13: Who's Attacking the Constitution Now?
01/03/13: Why, historically, January is the perfect time to debate the filibuster
12/26/12: When libs devalue diversity
12/20/12: Mark Your Calendars
12/13/12: Gun control, ad infinitum
12/11/12: Fracking can help fix the CO2 problem
12/06/12: Let's open the door to lots more immigration
12/04/12: Who's watching the kids? Just about everyone
11/29/12: The Real Middle-Class Champion was Mocked and Opposed
11/26/12: It's time to cut a deal on the budget
11/20/12: The case for a carbon tax
11/15/12: Cue the hysterics. Reports of Democracy's Death Greatly Exaggerated
11/07/12: The $4,000 Trash Can: We need regulation, but not this much
10/23/12: The Ballad of Islamist Rage Boy
10/17/12: Undermining the values that enable people in poverty to escape it? Sadly, yes
10/11/12: How Much Is This Tax Cut Gonna Cost Me, Doc?
10/04/12: Warrantless spying skyrockets under Obama
08/20/12: The wrong side absolutely must not win
08/14/12: America was not built on dirt alone
08/02/12: Libs Discover Their Inner Cheney
07/30/12: Feds want to help you --- whether you want help or not
07/23/12: Barack Obama, Storyteller-in-Chief
07/23/12: Nation's worst outsourcer? You
07/19/12: Listen up, America: You need to knuckle under
07/12/12: Obama, Romney: As Different as Two Peas in a Pod
07/05/12: Are teenagers big children --- or little adults?
06/25/12: Minorities treated as mere numbers
06/21/12: Memo to the the Little Guy: Seemingly innocuous activity could bring the federal hammer down out of a clear blue sky
06/19/12: We mustn't let America be buffaloed
05/31/12: Drop and Give Uncle Sam 20
05/15/12: The feds would like to know if you enjoyed that video
05/03/12: Obama inspires: 'America --- Still Not as Bad Off as Venezuela!'
04/26/12: It's everyone's favorite time of year again
03/29/12: GOP disillusionment is a good thing
03/27/12: Just what America needs: more red tape
03/20/12: Nation wondering: what happening to language?
02/21/12: Culture warriors resort to propaganda
02/15/12: Step away from that cookie and grab some air
02/08/12: Lessons in heresy
02/01/12: Do We Really Need Pickle-Flavored Potato Chips?
01/11/12: Shut up, they explained
12/30/11: A Modest Proposal: Let's Ban All Sports!
12/26/11: A Christmas letter from the Obamas
02/24/11: Will the next Watson need us?
12/24/10: Here Are Some Good Gifts for People You Hate
06/15/10: The Presinator
05/26/10: More than equal
04/08/10: Angry Right Takes a Page From Angry Left but guess who is ‘ugly’?
02/16/10: Either Obama owes George W. Bush an apology, or he owes the rest of us a very good explanation for his about-face on wiretapping
02/03/10: Talkin' to us 'tards
01/27/10: I never thought I'd see the day when progressives would howl in ragebecause the Supreme Court said government should not ban books
01/07/10: Gun-Control Advocates Play Fast and Loose
12/31/09: Nearly everything progressives say about neoconservative interventionism abroad applies to their own preferred policies at home





© 2011, A. Barton Hinkle

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